Cloudsolace Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Here we go, my LDR girlfriend and I have not had much time to talk the past few weeks. She has been ridiculously busy and has a mom who is very not-understanding so often she can't call me. We had a few issues come up that we talked about on Facebook, which was difficult in itself, I didn't get mad or anything but she did a few times.. and it somehow led to an avoidable situation. I confronted her a few weeks ago about a joke she did with one of our friends where they set their relationship statuses to 'in a civil union' and I said I wasn't comfortable with it and that it bothered me. That led us into talking about how we've kept our relationship a secret from our mutual friends aside from a couple. I was hit with stuff that I didn't expect and in a kinda irritated manner: that it would screw up her personal relationships with her friends (they're basically all guys) and that she was no good at commitment, hates relationships because they change people, but really liked me so she was here. I wanted to talk to her on the phone about it but she on the phone with her cousin dealing with family things leading up to her trip to a funeral. I was nice about the issue too, told her I thought she would be surprised and was in general loving and caring about the situation and wanted to understand more. After that and me still typing, she fell asleep on me. From that day on we didn't have a chance to talk on the phone, she had a death in the family and had to fly out of state for 4 days, proceeded to get home and be busy (and around her mom) with moving to her dad's house. She gets there and has to deal with getting school setup. The nights we could've talked she fell asleep on me on the phone or getting ready to call, but thing seemed fine. I was stressed during that time with life too, so I probably seemed a bit frustrated, knowing we needed to talk and I needed to talk to her. I apologized for that, though. The coming week I end up something happens with her family again and then they end up having quite a few people staying at their house, she wasn't happy, I could tell. I always ask her to let me know when she's going to be busy, or to keep in touch more often, but she gets irritated by my wanting that and I'm not sure why, it's just simple heads up. She said, "sorry I didn't keep in touch or whatever" and proceeded to disappear for three days. My habits have been that I text her a lot, sometimes like 3 in a row, or I'll ask her where she's gone when I don't know. When we started dating she made the effort to do those things, sent me goodnights and goodmornings without me having to ask, kept more in touch about our days. I didn't want that to change. She has adhd and usually I wait hours before I send another text, trying to get her attention because I know she gets distracted easily. Sometimes I do need to talk to her, though, and I wait like an hour. All she had to do was let me know she was busy, not throw one word messages at me or get mad because I didn't know anything. She hates texting, and I don't really like it easier. She told me she was trying, that she didn't like the idea of having a relationship over the phone. I was trying to make it easier as well. I've been in a good position to see her often when the chances arose etc. Fast forward to now, she said she partly avoided talking to me, and one night I got mad about her playing Portal 2 with one of her friends first when I bought her the game and was online hoping to play. I told her why it made me upset and ended up leaving a long train of thoughts on Facebook because I needed to talk to her. She said she didn't talk/play with me because I would want to talk endlessly and I told her why I was upset and that she should've just been honest and told me why the night that happened and I would've understood, but she just mostly didn't respond that night. Shortly after things seem to have slowed down, I'm being supportive about school and asked her to call me between classes, and she didn't. I was legitimately concerned and I didn't even get to hear about her first day, didn't even get a goodnight. The next day I just ask her on Facebook what's going on. She tells me she was losing interest in the relationship and that I had changed. I haven't changed, I was keeping up the things we did from the start and we just needed to talk through stuff on the phone but didn't get the chance. She said that she partly avoided talking, that I was overlooking the flaws, and we couldn't have a relationship on small talk and games, that I was high on the relationship and didn't care about 'her' and threw an example of her wanting to talk about something and me not listening, that I guilted her into telling her mom about us (which I didn't, she said she accidently found out). That my 'passive aggressive' comments like, "Why didn't you tell me?" pissed her off.. when to me I was just reminding her I wanted to know The lack of emotion over texting is problematic and I was trying my best to make it fun, seem less impatient and leave her nice messages and all I needed was to be in the loop. I do care, I wasn't going to pressure her into opening up about important things , I wasn't high on the relationship and wasn't overlooking things I wanted to TALK through them and understand eachother and was optimistic when we couldn't have a good long conversation. She said she didn't want to try to fix anything anymore. There was nothing to fix, only things to understand about eachother better and talk about. Now that we are both in the position to be able to talk regularly without fault, she pins this on us about a week ago and won't even call me to 'resolve things and break up' even though she said she would call. She ends up having her phone cut off for a week by her mom so that didn't help either, and that was legitimate and the truth. She has had it back for a few days now having had to order another, but still no call. I can't even begin to understand why this happened, how she's going about it, or why she's ignoring stuff and saying I've changed.. I think I summed up most of the details. Thoughts? I haven't particularly felt bad or anything. I feel like this situation is just ridiculous and that I was doing most of the work in the relationship. Things slowed things down on her end, I didn't really have a choice, and this happened when I was ready and willing to talk about things and keep up what we had and loved.. I still remember her always asking me if she was being annoying.. hell at this point I want her to 'annoy' me. EDIT: I would also like to note that she hasn't deleted me from anything or anything like that and has responded a few times since this happened, even asking how I had been lately.
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