What is the definition of "casual" dating?

[LifeIsGreat]

My gf and I have had some recent issues we need to work out---on the verge of break-up. Guess we had expectation issues. Both in our 40's. Together for 3 months, we probably moved too fast.

 

I asked her if we could 'slow things down' with no expectations and just getting back to having fun. She said she was open to seeing me casually with no expectations from either side, and that she has fun with me and misses being around me (hadn't seen/talked in 4 days).

 

I promised her we wouldn't have any 'relationship' talk, which seems to end in drama each time. Don't want to start seeing her again with an 'opening talk'. I said 'slow things down' and she said 'casual'. Is there a difference?

 

When we first started seeing each other we agreed to be exclusive sexually and dating. I don't want to open a can of worms by getting all 'talky'. How do you think this will change things from a practical point of view?

[TaraMaiden]

I said 'slow things down' and she said 'casual'. Is there a difference?

 

My view:

'Slow things down' arms around each other for 2 weeks, (before progressing to cuddling on the couch) instead of one week.

 

'Casual'

Arms around each other, but maybe someone else as well, because you're not exclusive.....

[KatZee]

For me, casually dating means I'm seeing more than one person.

 

I'm currently casually dating. This doesn't mean I go and sleep with everyone, because I don't. I just let them court me. I got out and explore all my options.

 

For example, one night I went out with this one guy, we had drinks, got a bit drunk together, had great conversation for 4 hours, then we each went home. Went out with him again, we ended up kissing at the end of the night.

 

A few days later a friend of mine took me out to dinner and a movie... he was clearly putting the moves on me but I wasn't interested.

 

That weekend I went out for dinner and drinks with a long time crush, wound up crashing at his place and sleeping with him in his bed (no sex).

 

Since I'm merely casually dating, what I'm doing doesn't make me feel bad. I'm sure if I was exclusive with any of these people, them finding out I had slept in another man's bed wouldn't go over so well.

 

I'm not sexually monogamous with any of these people, and I haven't agreed to be exclusive with anyone. I'm exploring all options, letting guys court me, show me what it's like to be with them.

 

I think casual dating is referred to as "circular dating." You just don't stick to one person.

 

I think if you're agreeing to be monogamous sexually with this person, it's more than casual. You're agreeing to be exclusive. So in your case, causal can mean you just see each other and talk to each other far less frequently... in that case, why be exclusive with each other?

 

Doesn't seem like you're both on the same page, she was cool with the speed, and you've decided to "slow down" for whatever reason. So since you two aren't really wanting the same thing, she should go and circular date as well.

[oaks]

I said 'slow things down' and she said 'casual'. Is there a difference?

 

I don't think that asking us will help with definitions of these terms. You need to communicate with her - find out what she wants, and make sure she knows what you want. Putting a 'name' on it isn't helpful if you don't know what it means, and only you and her can decide what it means.

[seagen]

Since she was the one who said "casual" dating, then only she knows what she means. To me, it means seeing each other with no questions asked.

 

I think what you meant by slowing things down is you want to go back to the courting stage.

[mortensorchid]

I don't like the sound of this. Anyone who wants to change something - from "going steady" to "casually dating" implies that they are not happy with the state of things. And then all of a sudden you don't like this or that or the other thing. But since you brought it up ...

 

Back off for a two or three weeks, then see how you feel without her in the picture, and then make a decission.

[2sunny]

Slow things down means you don't want to make the effort she expects.

 

Casual for her means she'll keep looking for someone who makes HER their top priority.