WifeandMama Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 So my husband and I have not been married for too long (less than a year, been together for three) and I feel like we are already having glaring communication and respect issues. The biggest problem in my opinion is that I don't feel like a partner in the relationship. He is an "authoritarian" father figure: he sets the rules, implements them and "it is what it is." When i voice an opinion on these issues he balks at the fact that I would even question his way. The second biggest problem is that I have totally lost my identity. When I ask him for some "me time," he will eventually say yes, but it is always first met with a, "Well I don't know." Really, he just doesn't want to be left alone with the kids. But its not fair, I stay home with them all day, most days of the week. The last problem is that our communication is pretty much completely deteriorated. I used to be able to cry on his shoulder when I was stressed out about certain things (I have a tendency towards anxiety, but talking with him always used to help). Now he just doesn't have the time for me and gets annoyed whenever he sees me cry. Our discussions about things always turn into a blame game, stonewalling and then a "band aid" resolution that doesn't really cover up the real hurt. I just don't know what to do any more. I feel like I have no say, no life, and no way to get back to our old style of communicating. It just hurts.
BetheButterfly Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 So my husband and I have not been married for too long (less than a year, been together for three) and I feel like we are already having glaring communication and respect issues. The biggest problem in my opinion is that I don't feel like a partner in the relationship. He is an "authoritarian" father figure: he sets the rules, implements them and "it is what it is." When i voice an opinion on these issues he balks at the fact that I would even question his way. The second biggest problem is that I have totally lost my identity. When I ask him for some "me time," he will eventually say yes, but it is always first met with a, "Well I don't know." Really, he just doesn't want to be left alone with the kids. But its not fair, I stay home with them all day, most days of the week. The last problem is that our communication is pretty much completely deteriorated. I used to be able to cry on his shoulder when I was stressed out about certain things (I have a tendency towards anxiety, but talking with him always used to help). Now he just doesn't have the time for me and gets annoyed whenever he sees me cry. Our discussions about things always turn into a blame game, stonewalling and then a "band aid" resolution that doesn't really cover up the real hurt. I just don't know what to do any more. I feel like I have no say, no life, and no way to get back to our old style of communicating. It just hurts. I am sorry that you are going through this hard time. Do you have a support system: your Mom, friends, family? It is important that you have "me" time so that you can rejuvenate. Is there a way to schedule time for yourself every week?
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