pink_sugar Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Lately I've been feeling really down. I want to be happy on this marriage, but I'm just not. My husband never listens to my feelings and just talks down to me like I'm stupid. Like he broke something important to me and let me find it on my own. I was really upset and then he just tries to justify it by saying "it's just an ornament it's not worth anything" and then tries to say I'm being a b!tch and runs out. He has never had any sentimental value over anything. He also apparently kept the fall a secret from me because he knew I would be upset about the damaged item which is what made the situation worse. Whenever I think I can be happy in this marriage, it fails miserably. I know my dad is an ass but when my H used water to clean the vaccum my dad got pissed off and I had to hear the verbal abuse. I can see where my husband doesn't apologize. To be yelled at that this item was worthless on top of what I felt about it breaking was not necessary at all. It just made it even worse.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I'm not actually responding to this thread, but I have to question the dynamic in your marriage that includes you posting something like this here … on a forum where your husband participates. I can't see how this could be healthy. What do you expect to happen when your husband reads this? Are you trying to bring this all to a head? And what does your dad have to do with it? 3
Emme Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 What you're saying is that your husband does not respect your things and also doesn't respect you. Ok ... So what are you going to do about that? Both of you have been having issues so I want you to acknowledge that this spat is not only about the ornament. You guys need professional help, if you can't afford that seek assistance within your religion.
Author pink_sugar Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 I'm not actually responding to this thread, but I have to question the dynamic in your marriage that includes you posting something like this here … on a forum where your husband participates. I can't see how this could be healthy. What do you expect to happen when your husband reads this? Are you trying to bring this all to a head? And what does your dad have to do with it? I've been on here far longer than he has, so all of a sudden he starts coming on here and I can't get advice? Guess I'll have to create an anonymous profile. It's not my dad, but the fact that my husband does not take responsibility for his actions...such as ruining the vaccum he borrowed (my dad complained to me about this) and never apologized to my dad and now ruining my stuff and waiting until I see it to try and justify it (oh it's not worth that much, it's just an ornament) etc. If you damage or ruin something, you should take responsibility for it and apologize and offer to replace it. My dad was complaining about this and now I am starting to see it too. Lack of responsibility for actions.
anne1707 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) I've been on here far longer than he has, You both joined in the same month so all of a sudden he starts coming on here and I can't get advice? It's not that you can't get advice but when it is about disagreements or problems with your husband it is almost like witnessing a husband and wife arguing in front of you and then one of them asking you to take sides Pink Sugar - have you noticed that both Citizen Erased and I liked Carrie's post. We are both married and our respective husbands also post on this site. I know that I will not post some things on here because I would consider it rude and disrespectful to my husband plus unfair on other posters - I am pretty sure Citizen Erased feels the same way. Edited August 26, 2012 by anne1707
Author pink_sugar Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 I started on here November of last year under the pen name Setsenia.
anne1707 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I started on here November of last year under the pen name Setsenia. Erm Ok and I can see you are still posting under that name too However it does not matter who was here first. My point still stands - people do not want to get involved in an argument between a husband and wife who both post here 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I am still wondering why you post stuff about your issues with your husband where you know he is going to read what is written rather than dealing with him directly or in counseling. It seems passive aggressive.
anne1707 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Carrie's post Whoops - sorry Mme Chaucer, sorry Carrie (but hey 2 strong women on this site I love and respect)
carhill Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 It keeps you engaged and wanting. I've seen this in many long marriages to 'traditional men', some of those men whom are male friends and some where I was a sponge for MW's. There's no dignity nor honor in giving women what they want, either purposefully or naturally as a component of one's personality. Life lesson #2035030.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 It keeps you engaged and wanting. The behavior described in the OP would in no way keep me engaged. Maybe wanting … something a lot different than what I had. There's no dignity nor honor in giving women what they want, either purposefully or naturally as a component of one's personality. Life lesson #2035030. I disagree. I think there is no dignity or honor in being a jerk. And, I do think there IS in being true to ones own personality. If you're a giver, give. There are those worthy and graceful about receiving. And ideally who can do both.
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Oh, yeah, I can see this working.... Lately I've been feeling really down. I want to be happy on this marriage, but I'm just not. My husband never listens to my feelings and just talks down to me like I'm stupid. Like he broke something important to me and let me find it on my own. I was really upset and then he just tries to justify it by saying "it's just an ornament it's not worth anything" and then tries to say I'm being a b!tch and runs out. He has never had any sentimental value over anything. He also apparently kept the fall a secret from me because he knew I would be upset about the damaged item which is what made the situation worse. Whenever I think I can be happy in this marriage, it fails miserably. I know my dad is an ass but when my H used water to clean the vaccum my dad got pissed off and I had to hear the verbal abuse. I can see where my husband doesn't apologize. To be yelled at that this item was worthless on top of what I felt about it breaking was not necessary at all. It just made it even worse. "Good god woman, I feel for you! That's really horrible, how could be like that - who brought him up - apes - ?! You need to tell him he's an insensitive jerk, who has no respect for you, your property or your feelings. That's extremely inconsiderate and maybe you need to think about..... Oh..... erm.... hi *husband* ...... erm....... coffee.....?" Some things work really well on here. Other things need dealing with - in different ways. You honestly cannot expect anybody here - who engages full-time with both you - and your husband - to truly give personal views, advice or counsel - as is normally done. Anonymity is one thing. Displaying your dirty laundry in public is another, and actually, not very dignified.
Els Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 My suggestion to you, is that if you want to get advice from LS about all this, make another account, keep it completely anonymous. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't feel comfortable giving one-sided advice to you here about your relationship problems with your husband. If both of you are on this thread posting about an issue that you are both working on, that's okay, but you complaining about him here is completely different. Otherwise, speak to a counselor, or your friends. Please don't let this turn into the last thread, where you and your husband were literally arguing with each other through posts here in a public forum. That will never, ever, EVER help a relationship. 2
Els Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 It keeps you engaged and wanting. I've seen this in many long marriages to 'traditional men', some of those men whom are male friends and some where I was a sponge for MW's. There's no dignity nor honor in giving women what they want, either purposefully or naturally as a component of one's personality. Life lesson #2035030. Carhill, you are so much better than this. I know life has been hard on you, but please don't go down this route. Don't let bitterness turn you away from your genuine caring personality. It isn't worth it for the women it DOES attract, and the women who are worth attracting won't require you to.
Radu Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) I'm not actually responding to this thread, but I have to question the dynamic in your marriage that includes you posting something like this here … on a forum where your husband participates. I can't see how this could be healthy. What do you expect to happen when your husband reads this? Are you trying to bring this all to a head? And what does your dad have to do with it? I completely agree with this post, and i reminded you of the same dynamic [i think] in your other thread a while back on money, jobs, etc ... The one that degenerated into 'getting a cheaper place'. I will say one thing. You both are broken ppl, because you were raised by broken ppl. When that happens, you get very bad patterns in thinking/acting as a self-defense mechanism. Do you think that a marriage can work between 2 ppl like this who are not on the same page about facing their demons ? Ask DOT. PS: I thought Pyro-Erased was the only LS present couple. Congrats anne1707, is Wuggle the lucky guy ? Carhill, you are so much better than this. I know life has been hard on you, but please don't go down this route. Don't let bitterness turn you away from your genuine caring personality. It isn't worth it for the women it DOES attract, and the women who are worth attracting won't require you to. I think that part was supposed to be in between " ", as an example of how those guys think. Edited August 27, 2012 by Radu 2
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 PS: I thought Pyro-Erased was the only LS present couple. Congrats anne1707, is Wuggle the lucky guy ? Yes, he is the very lucky guy. 2 very, very good friends of mine. We know each other IRL, and they're a lovely, lovely couple..... I think that part was supposed to be in between " ", as an example of how those guys think. Hmmm.... I dunno. Carhill's not usually that careless....
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