Her relationship with her new guy friend is driving me nuts

[Lalien]

So I've been in a relationship with this girl for almost 6 months. Amazing girl, half white, half Chinese, and I'm black. So we have had to face a lot of cultural differences on her side, because her mom is an old generation Asian and thinks that dating a black guy brings shame upon your family. In fact, she didn't even tell her mom about us until she moved into her dorm. Meaning that I never got to meet her family or anything. While I had my whole family opened up to her, she met my brother, mom and sister. We treated her like family, so sometimes I feel as if I got ripped off in that aspect.

 

Other than that, we are a perfect couple, we can talk about anything, but last week she finally went off to college. 900 miles away. I was told that this relationship can't be done and that I should break it off until she comes back, but I think that I want to marry this girl, and that I don't care about distance because no other girl appeals to me at all.

 

We have gone through one hell of a ride and it's only going to get tougher. So days before she left, I gave her a promise ring. It has both of our names and birthstones on it and on the base of the ring it says, "Defy The Odds" as a sign of all the adversity that we have gone and will go through.

 

But recently she's been hanging out with this guy and I decided to try to be friends with him, and it's scary because he has the same interests as me, and it's almost as if he's a replacement me. Nice guy, very chivalrous. I think he likes her, and a part of me thinks that I can't compete. I mean, why deal with the torture of a long distance relationship when she has a guy right there. And to top it off! He's Asian! Therefore her mom will accept him! It's almost a perfect convenience. At one point of time, I thought that there has been progress for I interracial couples. But it seems that we have barely gotten out of the driveway.

 

How do I handle this? Do I tell her about this? Or will I come off as the jealous paranoid boyfriend from across the country? Or could they just be friends?

Edited August 26, 2012 by Lalien

[bluegreen]

Oh you poor thing : (((

Somehow am in same boat my mom wants to vomit at just imagining me with him but then she is complete narcissist and every guy was and is an enemy.

His family is bunch of Lord what do I call them except ignorant rednecks hateful petty to dependable on him and he defends them with every breath it takes if he does not they give him hell if he does it burns me like poison.

 

Relationships like different culture and skin colors are just as you said hell on nerves heart and brain now in your case "she" might have gotten idea that you got tired of her broom riding witch of a mom and far from eyes is far from heart as well and since she has been raised and influenced by them for so long it will take a miracle to get her "away" from it all.

 

She might not like other dude at all but he is "safe" she witch will accept him no more stress no more heartache you need to move fast like real fast now or something will happen to be honest she might cheat just to get to feel better for little bit even a little bit at all so if it is possible go there visit her and talk to her tell her what you told us do what you have to do and then comes hard part : Let her decide I hope she is smart girl as you say she is kind and pretty and will make right choice.

 

 

Best of the luck to you : ))))

[justwhoiam]

1) If a girl is head over heels in love with you, it shows, and she would fight the entire world...

2) She didn't feel like getting herself in an unpleasant situation and never told her family you were her boyfriend

3) You accepted it, which was wrong; you should have asked for a deadline by which she had to tell her family

4) Based on the first 2 points above, let her go, she's not the right girl for you, you'd have too much to put up with, you're destined to split up soon or later; you'd really need very strong love feelings (on both sides) to fight the world and that kind of love is simply not there

[bluegreen]

Am really liking lady above her posts are clear up to a point and smart

I also agree with her some days I want to curl up and stay down for week from all the stress am having defending this relationship from the world but somehow

I always manage one more day and one more time.

 

She is young influenced by her family and immature not that anyone can blame her either if neither of our advice's work then try one more time and walk away it will break your heart I know but if she does not do her part as painful as it is your heart will be broken sometimes later on so its up to you to choose how soon that happens ?

[GuyInLimbo]

1) If a girl is head over heels in love with you, it shows, and she would fight the entire world...

2) She didn't feel like getting herself in an unpleasant situation and never told her family you were her boyfriend

3) You accepted it, which was wrong; you should have asked for a deadline by which she had to tell her family

4) Based on the first 2 points above, let her go, she's not the right girl for you, you'd have too much to put up with, you're destined to split up soon or later; you'd really need very strong love feelings (on both sides) to fight the world and that kind of love is simply not there

 

Agreed 100%. And, dude, you are young. Stop thinking about marriage right now. You and she will be completely different people ten years from now. Don't waste this time pining over someone you're not going to see much. You're missing out and you will regret it later. And, yes, this guy is more than likely moving in. He's there. YOU are not.

 

Re: the Asian thing. Good luck with that. Having parents like hers is a losing battle. The older generation Chinese (I say this b/c I've known many and dated a Chinese girl) rarely change their minds and the girls in the family typically face enormous pressure from their parents about pretty much everything. It's not worth the fight, IMO.

[meeji]

The promise ring was very sweet! Listen to the above comments. You are spending a lot of energy on a girl who isn't spending that same amount of effort on you.

 

I would talk to her about how you feel and see what she says. Maybe she is oblivious to how you really feel because you haven't told her. Be honest. If the relationship is going to fall apart, at least everyone can be on the same page about why.

 

Good Luck!

[bluegreen]

Yes I see we all agree here now only thing left is what will you do now ?

[Mrlonelyone]

1) If a girl is head over heels in love with you, it shows, and she would fight the entire world...

2) She didn't feel like getting herself in an unpleasant situation and never told her family you were her boyfriend

3) You accepted it, which was wrong; you should have asked for a deadline by which she had to tell her family

4) Based on the first 2 points above, let her go, she's not the right girl for you, you'd have too much to put up with, you're destined to split up soon or later; you'd really need very strong love feelings (on both sides) to fight the world and that kind of love is simply not there

^this

 

OP,I take it you are from the UK and when you say Asian you mean what we in the USA call a East Indian.

 

My advice to you is just to let her go. I have been down practically the same path. It is a road of broken glass and rusty nails. Let her go.

[rogerabbit]

^this

 

OP,I take it you are from the UK and when you say Asian you mean what we in the USA call a East Indian.

 

My advice to you is just to let her go. I have been down practically the same path. It is a road of broken glass and rusty nails. Let her go.

 

 

Perhaps, but the one thing that hasn't been mentioned is the OP found an asian girl who liked him even though he is black and she wanted to date him. So OP: if you really like her, get your butt to her university and get this other guy out of the picture. You need to be straight up with her and tell her how the situation makes you feel. I have zero tolerance for "new guy friends" within the first year of dating. Guys don't show arbitrary friendship out of the blue with a woman, they do so because they are sexually attracted. So cut that off. If she's not sensitive to the fact it makes you feel insecure due to the distance, forget it. Find another girl.

 

And I'm proud of you for dating outside of your ethnicity! Find a partner whose family isn't racist and just accepts you for the guy you are. If they can't focus on your personality traits and accomplishments instead of your skin color, they're the wrong people anyway.

 

Good luck!

[Mrlonelyone]

Perhaps, but the one thing that hasn't been mentioned is the OP found an asian girl who liked him even though he is black and she wanted to date him.

 

So had I. We had six years on and off, and possibly one child...it's complicated.

 

Asian women, which if the OP is from the UK means Desi, or East Indian, value what their family says about who they get with. Trust me I know of which I speak. Maybe it would work out better for him than for me for a number of reasons.

 

Then again

"Justice for Sparkle Rai" a black woman who was murdered by her "asian" father in law.

Maybe not.

[bluegreen]

Well any good news ?

 

: )) Did you guys talk did you go see her or not