My boyfriend does not want to go out when he visits me at college.

[torontochick01]

So I'm moving away - 2 hours from him to college. I met him at college, he was in fourth year and I was in first at the time (I'm now going into second). But at the time he was dating his ex girlfriend for his entire 4th year, and they had an unnatural breakup - he graduated, so he wanted to move on with life and she was doing an exchange.. so it wouldn't work long distance. However, I talked to him over the summer and we got relatively close and began dating. It's been about 4 months now.

 

He's really sweet and all that good mumbo jumbo you'd say about your boyfriend. But when he visits me, he doesn't want to go out to bars/clubs in fear of running into her with potentially another guy. I don't like this, because when he comes out for the weekend, I want to go out with him! I talked to him about this and I said maybe he should talk to his ex about him occasionally visiting my school to see me, but he wants to avoid the whole topic. I understand when you see an ex with someone else it's horrifying. But the fact that he doesn't want to go out, would rather just stay in to be with me, I feel like kind of hinders our relationship due to his fear of being spotted by his ex or vice versa.

 

How should I approach this situation? I really want to talk to him about it more, in hopes of convincing him to come out with me!

[justwhoiam]

He's not over his ex. Maybe it's just that he's bothered... I had a friend who was dumped by his gf and every time we went out he kept talking and talking about what a b.... she was, he was away and in the meantime she fell for another guy, but she didn't have the guts to tell him while he was away. She was just waiting for him to be back and give him the news in person, and then before that could happen, he saw them together...

He was very annoyed for a while. I'm not sure if that might be your bf case too. He felt hurt.

[january2011]

I agree with justwhoiam, he's not over his ex.

 

You will be in college for three more years (including the current year). If he's going to place restrictions on your social life for that entire time (assuming that you stay together) then it's not conducive to the relationship because he will associate visiting you with the negativity of his past relationship.

 

He may need a little bit of time and you may need to be patient. I suggest that you talk to him and come up with a solution to deal with this so that your relationship is allowed to flourish. I don't think he needs to talk to his ex. Your relationship is none of her business. The issue is with him and not her.