Ladies & Gentlemen, Are you hesitant about dating someone who is into fitness?

[soccerrprp]

I am not having a "problem" with this, but wondering if some people think twice about dating someone who is serious about fitness. I am very fit, run, lift, every day and have a metabolism of a furnace, but have had some ladies "suggest" that they may not be able to keep up (I never suggested that they should) and even had one tell me later that she ended it because she didn't think she wanted to be as involved in fitness as I am.

 

Please no fitness war here. I just want to know if someone's dedication to fitness, if it seems more than you do now, is a something you avoid?

[RiverRunning]

Yes.

 

I'm not a sloth - I work out 3 to 5 times a week...we'll say an average of five or so hours a week. I do make attempts to watch what I eat.

 

But I would also avoid dating someone who's a little more in the extreme in the other direction - someone who barely exercises and thinks that a 'healthy' meal is indulging in breadsticks, pizza and dessert every night. It's just not going to work: it's going to tempt me into worse practices, and it's going to cause friction in the relationship because I'm not going to want to watch them sink further into that.

 

It comes down to finding someone in your same general level as far as healthy eating and fitness go. It's going to limit your dating pool, most likely - but it will likely mean a happier and more successful relationship later on.

 

Even folks who say that they wouldn't push it on a partner usually do to some extent or another - differences in eating habits will surface (it's just not convenient cooking two meals, generally), differences in exercise habits will surface (especially if you're very fit and you spend a lot of time doing it, it's going to feel like pressure: they may feel like they either have to go and work out with you or forgo seeing you altogether some nights).

[the ill-made knight]

Yes, unfortunately. I work out, eat fairly healthily, and would consider myself in good physical condition. However, I wouldn't date a very athletic person or someone who was really into fitness because it just isn't my thing.

[rocketman122]

I dont care if she;s into fitness or isnt. if she looks ok body wise, puts in a minimal amount of effort to stay health, Im happy. I'll get her fit in bed HAHA

 

when I was OLD there were many who were into different areas of sports (pilates, yoga, outdoor sports etc) who sent me messages thinking im looking for someone like me because I do bodybuilding. I dont go out of my way to find them. if it comes, great, otherwise, meh..

[EasyHeart]

It's like any other interest or hobby: if one person is really involved, then the other person has to either adopt the same level of involvement or be excluded.

 

If someone plays softball every weekend, then they don't have time to date me; if someone goes to political or community meetings five times a week, then they don't have time to date me; if someone does ballet five times a week, then they don't have time to date me.

[Chocolat]

I would prefer to date someone who eats healthfully and works out, since this is what I do. At a minimum. my partner would have to be supportive of my lifestyle.

[iris219]

No, I wouldn't be hesitant at all.

 

I work out regularly, but don't overdo it. My ex was close to obsessive about working out. He was very athletic and pushed himself hard. I admired this quality and it made me want to push myself harder as well.

 

I'm fit and have good body; I can see how how a woman who wasn't fit and didn't have the best figure would be hesitant to date a man who was very fit. I know I'd rather not date someone who looks much better than me!

 

I've dated men who seemed insecure about their bodies and fitness level around me, but I don't care if they aren't into fitness the way I am as long as they take care of themselves. I would, however, have a difficult time dating someone who wasn't into fitness at all.

[runningfar]

I am obsessive. It is probably best he is, too... Or just active and supportive of my obsession.

 

 

 

I would be hesitant of someone who worked out solely for aesthetics and didn't enjoy it. My ex did that and he stopped when he had me.

[irc333]

Yeah, there's this woman on a dating site who is a female body building competitor.

 

She keeps changing out photos, and just about every single one of her photos are "posed" photos. She was of her self flexing her back muscles as if she's trying to pinch a loaf. She even swaps out photos for others, if she didn't have a photo limit to the amount of pics she puts on her dating profile, she'd probably pile all her gym pictures out there.

 

And another shot of her in halter top, mid rift showing, arms back, chest out obviously, and around 2 or 3 swimsuit photos her by the pool.

Talk about a level of narcissism that's unappealing, and I question if she's using her dating site as a mock Facebook account instead...to get attention, and not really meet people.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's great to be in shape, but don't over flaunt it online.

 

Also, if half your pictures of you at the gym power liftin, flexing in front of the locker room mirror...seriously, get over yourselves. Esp if your the kind of person who updates their status to when and where you're going to the gym EVERY time you go to the gym.

 

 

Yes.

 

I'm not a sloth - I work out 3 to 5 times a week...we'll say an average of five or so hours a week. I do make attempts to watch what I eat.

 

But I would also avoid dating someone who's a little more in the extreme in the other direction - someone who barely exercises and thinks that a 'healthy' meal is indulging in breadsticks, pizza and dessert every night. It's just not going to work: it's going to tempt me into worse practices, and it's going to cause friction in the relationship because I'm not going to want to watch them sink further into that.

 

It comes down to finding someone in your same general level as far as healthy eating and fitness go. It's going to limit your dating pool, most likely - but it will likely mean a happier and more successful relationship later on.

 

Even folks who say that they wouldn't push it on a partner usually do to some extent or another - differences in eating habits will surface (it's just not convenient cooking two meals, generally), differences in exercise habits will surface (especially if you're very fit and you spend a lot of time doing it, it's going to feel like pressure: they may feel like they either have to go and work out with you or forgo seeing you altogether some nights).

Edited August 26, 2012 by irc333

[FitChick]

Very few people are obsessive so it's not like there are so many it's a problem. It wouldn't bother me because I'd rather have someone working out than cruising for chicks or going to bars. We could work out together at times, although I am happy with my own routine.

 

It's hard enough just to find someone who isn't overweight. Fortunately, I have just started chatting to a man who was on the Olympic swimming team when he was young so he has a lifelong fitness habit. I don't want someone who has just lost weight and started working out to attract a woman, then when he gets her he lets himself go. Women do this as well.

[GirlontheLam]

Depends on how extreme their habits are. I.E. if you are hitting several body building competitions a year and only subside on chicken breasts, steamed fish, protein powder and egg whites with lots of green veggies for 75% of the year, we aren't really going to have a lot of fun together.

 

I like to cook, and cook healthfully most of the time, but variety is the spice of life for me.

 

Otherwise, if you get your workout on, have time for me, and can happen to teach me to snatch I am all for it.

 

I am working on getting fitter, but I'll never be one of those 3 hours a day, 6 days a week people. I like to go fast, hard and efficient and move on to other stuff.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I am not having a "problem" with this, but wondering if some people think twice about dating someone who is serious about fitness. I am very fit, run, lift, every day and have a metabolism of a furnace, but have had some ladies "suggest" that they may not be able to keep up (I never suggested that they should) and even had one tell me later that she ended it because she didn't think she wanted to be as involved in fitness as I am.

 

Please no fitness war here. I just want to know if someone's dedication to fitness, if it seems more than you do now, is a something you avoid?

 

Soccerrprp, just out of curiosity, what is your expectation for a woman you are dating concerning fitness? It sounds like you arne't looking for someone to neccesarily share that part of your life with. Maybe there is a way for you to express that so women feel less intimidated by your dedication to fitness?

[irc333]

Very few people are obsessive so it's not like there are so many it's a problem. It wouldn't bother me because I'd rather have someone working out than cruising for chicks or going to bars. We could work out together at times, although I am happy with my own routine.

 

It's hard enough just to find someone who isn't overweight. Fortunately, I have just started chatting to a man who was on the Olympic swimming team when he was young so he has a lifelong fitness habit. I don't want someone who has just lost weight and started working out to attract a woman, then when he gets her he lets himself go. Women do this as well.

 

Most women are referred to as "Cardio Bunnies" by some weightlifting patrons? (Not being derogatory, lol) but, I think you'll find most women doing the stair master or treadmill then head home....or maybe some machines that focus on the butt and thighs (forgot the name of one).

[soccerrprp]

Soccerrprp, just out of curiosity, what is your expectation for a woman you are dating concerning fitness? It sounds like you arne't looking for someone to neccesarily share that part of your life with. Maybe there is a way for you to express that so women feel less intimidated by your dedication to fitness?

 

I actively seek out women who are interested in fitness, but do not expect them to be as committed as myself. I have dated a couple of so-called "average" women, but they were also trying to engage in habits that moved towards being healthier. I'm no fitness junkie and my weight-training regime is minimal. Do it for definition, moderate muscle acquisition, nothing more.

 

I'm approaching my 44th birthday and feel great. Ladies I date are obvious around my age and some find it a little unsettling that I am as active as I am. They clearly enjoy the fact that I am in such good shape, but not certain why the balking (again only happened a couple of times)?

 

I must admit that I do not come right out to tell them that I do not expect the same commitment. I just didn't feel a need.

 

Anyway, I have another friend who is also very fit, active who has had ladies go their separate ways because they convinced themselves that they would not be able to meet the expectations, though none were ever expressed.

 

Just curious...

[soccerrprp]

No, I wouldn't be hesitant at all.

 

I work out regularly, but don't overdo it. My ex was close to obsessive about working out. He was very athletic and pushed himself hard. I admired this quality and it made me want to push myself harder as well.

 

I like this. This would be ideal, but I have never ever even hinted that this would be my expectation.

 

I'm fit and have good body; I can see how how a woman who wasn't fit and didn't have the best figure would be hesitant to date a man who was very fit. I know I'd rather not date someone who looks much better than me!

 

Why?

 

I've dated men who seemed insecure about their bodies and fitness level around me, but I don't care if they aren't into fitness the way I am as long as they take care of themselves. I would, however, have a difficult time dating someone who wasn't into fitness at all.

 

I would find it very difficult as well.

[spookie]

Heck yah, that would be great. I love working out and it would give us something to talk about.

[FitChick]

Most women are referred to as "Cardio Bunnies" by some weightlifting patrons? (Not being derogatory, lol) but, I think you'll find most women doing the stair master or treadmill then head home....or maybe some machines that focus on the butt and thighs (forgot the name of one).

I'm not sure why you quoted my post since this has nothing to do with what I said. I am a weights girl.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I actively seek out women who are interested in fitness, but do not expect them to be as committed as myself. I have dated a couple of so-called "average" women, but they were also trying to engage in habits that moved towards being healthier. I'm no fitness junkie and my weight-training regime is minimal. Do it for definition, moderate muscle acquisition, nothing more.

 

That sounds really reasonable on your end.

 

 

I'm approaching my 44th birthday and feel great. Ladies I date are obvious around my age and some find it a little unsettling that I am as active as I am. They clearly enjoy the fact that I am in such good shape, but not certain why the balking (again only happened a couple of times)?

 

I must admit that I do not come right out to tell them that I do not expect the same commitment. I just didn't feel a need.

 

Anyway, I have another friend who is also very fit, active who has had ladies go their separate ways because they convinced themselves that they would not be able to meet the expectations, though none were ever expressed.

 

Just curious...

 

Well, see you understand the problem. They feel unsettled/intimidated because of pressures they feel about their bodies. I can imagine it's especially hard for women in their 40s because your body changes a lot.

 

I think some women might feel intimidated because physically, usually the woman is suppose to be "hot". So when you get into a relationship with a woman and she sees that you work out and are fit, she is probably feeling some insecurity and worry that you won't be happy with her body if she sees you as being in a particular shape. The stereotype generally is that really fit guys especially want really fit women. There are lots of unfit men as it is that still want really fit women. Women have a lot of pressure in this regard.

 

I think the only way to fix the problem, is that you have to be vocal about your expectations. That you like a healthy lifestyle and you like when your partner retains a healthy lifestyle as well but you don't think she has to be just like you. If you are really interested in a woman that begins to express worry about not being able to keep up with you, then assuage her fears by being clear about what it is you are looking for. You might not have previously felt a need to but clearly there is some miscommunication going on where something does infact need to be better communicated.

 

After that, it's up to her to decide what she wants. She will either feel better about it and work through some of those issues she has regarding her own body or she won't be confident enough to continue the relaitonship with you. But either way, you will be closer to finding the right woman for you. Because the right woman for you will be able to accept that you accept her body.

 

I really think you need to find a way to express exactly what you are looking for so that there isn't doubt or confusion.

[soccerrprp]

That sounds really reasonable on your end.

 

 

 

 

Well, see you understand the problem. They feel unsettled/intimidated because of pressures they feel about their bodies. I can imagine it's especially hard for women in their 40s because your body changes a lot.

 

I think some women might feel intimidated because physically, usually the woman is suppose to be "hot". So when you get into a relationship with a woman and she sees that you work out and are fit, she is probably feeling some insecurity and worry that you won't be happy with her body if she sees you as being in a particular shape. The stereotype generally is that really fit guys especially want really fit women. There are lots of unfit men as it is that still want really fit women. Women have a lot of pressure in this regard.

 

I think the only way to fix the problem, is that you have to be vocal about your expectations. That you like a healthy lifestyle and you like when your partner retains a healthy lifestyle as well but you don't think she has to be just like you. If you are really interested in a woman that begins to express worry about not being able to keep up with you, then assuage her fears by being clear about what it is you are looking for. You might not have previously felt a need to but clearly there is some miscommunication going on where something does infact need to be better communicated.

 

After that, it's up to her to decide what she wants. She will either feel better about it and work through some of those issues she has regarding her own body or she won't be confident enough to continue the relaitonship with you. But either way, you will be closer to finding the right woman for you. Because the right woman for you will be able to accept that you accept her body.

 

I really think you need to find a way to express exactly what you are looking for so that there isn't doubt or confusion.

 

Thanks. It's funny as I read this post how obvious your suggestions are. I express my expectations, needs on so many other issues, but NEVER thought it necessary to talk about my being active and committed to fitness.

 

Again, only encountered this problem 2x, so not a serious issue in terms of dating.

Edited August 26, 2012 by soccerrprp

[StillReigning]

There's a lot of myths out there surrounding fitness oriented guys

 

 

I'm very very muscular but I don't ever talk about how big I am or how much I workout (unless the subject matter naturally comes up) and I'm perfectly fine with dating an average girl who is just not fat (I can't deal with fat chicks). Preferably, I like fitness babes but I realize not every woman wants to squat and deadlift heavy weight 3 times a week

 

 

Food wise, I eat pretty much whatever the hell I want and my diet is extremely low maintenance. When it comes to diet/lifestyle, I can pretty much deal with any sort of woman (whether it's eating healthy - I like to eat steak and potatos or fast food - I love burgers and hot dogs).

 

 

If you want to appeal to the largest amount of women in terms of fitness, I imagine my approach is the best.

[MercuryMorrison1]

I'm a fit person myself between lifting and cardio 6 days a week, so I tend to generally be attracted to girls who are into fitness as well. The only thing that concerns me is that some people who are into fitness are extreamly competitve and dont like losing to such a degree that they will argue over something that means absolutly nothing. I've been with people like that and its a major turn off.

[mortensorchid]

Well that depends. FItness and health are one thing to be concerned with, but if you are trying to put it onto everyone around you it's not always the most pleasent thing. I find sometimes it's a control issue with others. THey are so obsessed with themselves that they get bent out of shape about others who don't follow their example or demands. But still, it's all about compromise.

[irc333]

I'm a fit person myself between lifting and cardio 6 days a week, so I tend to generally be attracted to girls who are into fitness as well. The only thing that concerns me is that some people who are into fitness are extreamly competitve and dont like losing to such a degree that they will argue over something that means absolutly nothing. I've been with people like that and its a major turn off.

 

You mean in just regular topics of conversation? Just the arguementative types?

 

I knew of a girl that got turned off by a guy who did this all the time with her. No matter what she'd bring up, even if it was about the weather, he'd have an argument for it.

 

Apparently, men think they're trying to impress her with their knowledge on a topic and why Egg Whites are just as bad as egg yellows (just an example).

[runningfar]

why Egg Whites are just as bad as egg yellows (just an example).

 

You mean yolks are just as good as whites, or better.

 

OH DAMMIT.

It's me.

 

I like guys who are knowledgeable and share as long as they have coherent arguments and research if stating a scientific thought.

 

 

 

As I have thought about it more, even if I kept my discussion levels minimal about my activities ( would mean more talking to people not in the relationship. It's a major interest), my partner would be left out unless they had plenty of hobbies that took their time and supported mine...

Not that I wouldn't make exceptions for events, but would I be happy if every weekend was changed to more sedentary just so we could spend time together? No.

 

I want someone who thinks it is reasonable to run for 3 hours and then go rock climbing or rollerskating, or hiking, or anything that is not sitting inside on a couch every single day.

If they are even more active than me, better!

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think there's a natural conflict between the more healthy eaters/lifestyle and the foodies who's life and happiness may revolve around food which unfortunately consequently not the most healthiest since a lot of it is based off dining in restaurants.

 

Personally my life day to day does not revolve around food...it's just a matter of convenience (which is my main problem when trying to lose some weight as I only think about it when the hunger alarm goes off and just want to grab the nearest thing) and it serves as a fuel... I'm the type of person that can eat the same "boring" food almost everyday and it doesn't provide any real pleasure and satisfaction to eat "awesome" tasting food, other than I'd say I love a nice steak and cheese...but I don't think about my next meal or obsess between what i want to eat for that meal.

 

So I'm not sure If it's me or most people love food, but trying to date or have a relationship with someone who ends up being a "foodie" at least to my standards ends up wanting to plan trips around meals/food...knows where all these secretly good places are that make X food and I end up feeling a bit boring because I'm not really interested In food and I'd rather be swimming in the ocean body surfing, diving in the dirt playing paintball, hiking up a hill or a trail leaping over stones to cross a stream, riding bicycles (not with full spandex gear though, hell with that) so I end up just excluding those to "guy" activities.

 

I used to spend a lot of time at the gym when i was younger playing sports and quite a bit in my early 20s and I have a muscular frame but by no means at this time a fitness guru and a bit over the typical gym lifting/cardio (thinking of trying some sort of boxing training regiment). I just try and watch what i eat, eat junk in moderation, and If I'm injury free (weird but I'd have too many to count, I'm a little reckless) I'd rather be doing some sort of physical activity than lounging around at some eatery, stuffing my face all day, feeling bloated and gassy trying to hold in my farts/poo on a date while making kissy kissy with garlic breathe! mmm!

 

So i guess at this point I'm saying it may actually be a nice experience to date a fitness guru instead of someone eating a bunch of junk then complaining because they love food and therefore eat junk and being insecure about their bodies. I know when I don't like my body but I also know what i have to do. It would probably be very motivational, especially since I enjoy nice competition and It would be nice to live life that wasn't centered around food as the main centerpiece.

 

Don't get me wrong, eating out and dining can be fun but I feel pressured when going out at times not to eat more unhealthy or twice as much as her since I'm 6'1 215ish so she doesn't feel badly about herself for me not choosing to eat that way...i feel like a buzzkill around a lot of people because that I'm not salivating over all these potential delicious dishes i could be eating...I'd rather not get fatter most of the time honestly.