Jono85 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Get a therapist and pay $120hr if you want hand holding, and it would probably be a good thing for you. I saw one for a year when I was living the height of hell. Look, there are 2 groups of people here: 1) Everyone like you that have been freshly kicked to the curb and are currently caught up in the helplessness of the moment. 2) Me and a handful of others who have been sh*t thru lifes *******, who have been through all the hard stuff over SEVERAL YEARS and have come to a few significant understandings. I know what its like, I really do and I have played all the mental games as you are now. Look, attachment is an infantile emotion - that is, its one of the very first emotional bonds / responses we have as humans. It happens fairly quickly between mother and child after birth. Its a very basic, selfish and imature form of an emotional bond. Think basic building block level of humanity. Just from reading your response, I can tell right away that is where you are operating from.. that loss off control scenario over the object of your attachment. I am here because I think if people could only understand sooner.. WHY they feel like they do, why they have that natural human response to these scenarios that they do and to force them to Stop.. look at themselves, what they are feeling and the big picture. To Control the emotional aspect of the situation as opposed to the situation and emotions controlling them. I have seen people that have wasted years of their lives in the dark valley, wallowing in it. If you are here to wallow in it and commiserate with people at the exact same level as you, BS each other for the "REASON" behind things.. sure, have at it... have a blast. dude, this guy is like less than a week out from getting dumped and cheated on from his 5 yr gf...u need to keep sh-t in perspective a little. he's in NC, and trying his best to heal. what are u going on about? lol. he can wallow in it all he wants, it's only been a freaking week. let him live. it takes time to get over something like this. sure u can speed that time up, but it's likely gonna take more than a month. most likely more than a few months. he's on the right track. u can't just snap ur fingers and be over ur 5 yr ex. it WILL take time.
Appleness Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 I think Mistermr needs to rent "The Painted Veil" because his girlfriend reminds me of Naomi Watts in the movie. You're stuck on the whole "what is confidence" thing but it's all just an excuse. I mean, you spent (literally) YEARS with her, right? Did she somehow miss the fact that you are a quiet, steady, introverted fellow for more than 4 years? COME ON! She made a stupid ****ty mistake. She wanted to justify it by blaming it on you. She wants no responsibility for it. Get it? she cheated because YOU made her. Because if you were confident, YOU would be the one cheating! I get so angry when I read about people like this. If you have to nerve to do a crappy thing then please do everyone a favor and just accept the responsibility for it. It's bad enough being thrown onto the curb without the final kick in the face. You can do better Mistermr. Good luck
Sebastian76 Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) The way I see it (didn't read all posts so redundancy alert) you two are over for now. Nothing says that you wont get back together - not even her saying that. Wanting or not wanting a relationship is based on feelings, and feelings are forever changing. BUT nothing you do can convince her to take you back. It is her feelings that must change, and you can't push them in any other direction that repulsion if you try to control it. So what options have got left? Only one imo, and that is to ACCEPT that it is over, quit hoping (I know that is a daunting task), and start to work on your new life without her. The only one you have right now is yourself, so start being good to yourself. Hit the gym, get a dental cleaning and bleaching, buy some new clothes, do stuff you neglected while having a gf, fill out your calendar with appointments with people you like and that you haven't seen enough. Just do it - dont worry about whether you are good company or anything. Just start doing these things and you'll find eventually yourself. Once you do that, no woman owns your happiness. And expect heavily fluctuating states of mind. You will see it all: Dispair, loneliness, anger, love, hate, lack of self esteem, the lot! I just broke up with my ex 3 months ago. Went through all of them. Started out having sex with 7 different women in 8 weeks and though I was sorted. Then I got fed up with shagging stranger women and took a rest from it. Then the pain hit me, the low self esteem surely sneaked up on me. And now I am just trying to rebuild. Don't think that you are supposed to be over somebody in a given time period - you are not a freaking robot! This cr4p hurts more than anything in the world so don't be too hard on yourself if you are suffering. Just make a serious effort to be good to yourself and don't stalk! - it is the death trap of all death traps when it comes to getting over somebody. Edited September 2, 2012 by Sebastian76 1
Mint Sauce Posted September 2, 2012 Posted September 2, 2012 Hi again mistermr, Our situation, as far as you describe yours, is very similar. Only for me the break-up is already 2 months old. As you realize, the ONS didn't just happen. The other guy is probably her way out, something to keep her spirits up while going through the break-up. The reason for the BU? Might not have anything to do with you really. Any indications she may have commitment issues? Were you about to propose or have kids? In any case, as the others tell you, it's out of your hands. I've realized after about 1.5 months that I couldn't take her back anymore. The first 6 weeks I fought with all I got though. Didn't get through to her I'm afraid. Now I'm starting to see that it's really broken forever, even if she were to come around. I could never have done what she did. She has some fundamental flaw that I can't accept anymore, regardless of what we had and what a unique girl she was. Hang in there, and as Sebastian says, don't expect a steady climb out of the valley. You'll go 3 steps forward, 2 steps backward, and so on.
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