need to figure things out

[liselotte]

Hey, my bf broke up with me about a week ago. I didnt want that so im heartbroken and would like to have a second chance with him cause i really love him. As it all happened when im away from home i have no friends and family around me to help me cope with it. Thats the reason hy im here i guess looking for help from u guys. Hope u take the time to read my story and give me advice or even just an opinion about it all.

 

Well to understand how it all went down i have to tell u a little bit about us. We're both young, he's 24 and iam 23. We met travelling in Australia and that is where we were together. We're from different countrys so that makes it all even more complicated. We have been together for about a year and half. A year from it we spent living together in Australia and the last five months we've been long distance.

 

After being in long distance for 2 months i went to see him im England and he came to visit my home country then aswell. We had a great time together and it was really good to be together again. But we made a mistake. We decided that when i finish my travles in australia we move in together in England. It didnt seem like a big thing to us then as we had already lived together for a year. But that was in Australia, we were away from our pasts, our friends, our families. But living in England i would be the one who would completly have to start a new life when he has all his freind and family around him. Also living together in Aus was easy cause it went naturally. We never decided to move in together it just happened and against all odds it worked. But living together wasnt so real and final then as it would be in England.

Needless to say that's where it all started to fall apart. Not long after i came back to Oz he started to have second thoughts and he wasnt sure if he's ready for it all. At first i tryed to just sort of ignore it as i thought that he's just confused and i belived that it would pass. But it didnt, it got worse. As he had another decisions to make aswell about his career and stuff i guess it was just too much for him to handle. So he decided to break it off. Sayi g that he's not sure he wants all this anymore and he thinks he's not ready to settle down. Im also sure that he's mates back home had a role in it. None of tjem have serious gf, most of them still live at home not doing much with their life instead of just getting pissed every weekend. I think because all the pressure he thought that thats what he wants aswell, just hang out with his mates not worrying about anything.

After we broke up we've still been in contact. It was him who didnt want me to cut off the contact and just dissapear from his life. I agreed with that cause obviously i didnt want to lose him completely aswell. We've been talking on the phone few times after the break-up and its been nice and friendly. He has text me drunk saying he misses me and also said it on the phone. He also keep bringing up good things from the past but the fact is he still thinks the same way about the break-up.

I never really thought about going to no contact with him until this Friday. The reason is that im just starting to get really confused. Im not sure what is his motive doing things he does. Since we broke up he hasnt changed his fb status, it still says in a relationship with me. But the main thing that conuses me is what he posts in fb. He never used to be the guy who always puts statuses on fb saying what he's doingand stuff. But now he kerps putting statuses on fb saying he's going out drinking with his mates and then just posting stupid comment that make no sense like 6 am in the morning drunk. Like i said he never used to do that so it really makes me wonder why he is doing it now. Sometimes it feels like he's just trying to get dome kind of reaction out of me or just to hurt me. To be clear i havent said or done anything to get him back. I've been calm and friendly everytime we talk letting him know that im having good time without him aswell. Could that be why he's doing it?

After the break-up he's been spending a lot of time with his friends in general. He got drunk both of the weekends after the break-up staying out until about 6 am. Im not sure if he's trying to keep his mind off from things or he's just taking the most of being singleagain. So im just starting to think i should go to no contact so he would have time to think about what he really wants and have the chance to actually miss me(if he does ofcourse). I think if im still in contact the way things are atm might actually suit him. Im there if he wants to talk with me but he can do whatever he wants any other time. He doesent lose me but he dont have to commit eather.

What do u think is there a chance for us and what would be the right thing for me to do?

[salmagundi]

I think if im still in contact the way things are atm might actually suit him. Im there if he wants to talk with me but he can do whatever he wants any other time. He doesent lose me but he dont have to commit eather.

 

Hi Liselotte (are you française?) I'm sorry you're going through this ****. As a man I can tell you the lines above I quoted are right on the money. For whatever reason, he seems to have gotten cold feet about committing to you. It may be that he is scared of the consequences for you of having you move your life to england and then having it not work out. Probably, he is already envisaging things not working out so he figured it was better to cut bait now rather than continue.

 

Who knows why, certainly not me. But he is young(ish) and so are you. Speaking from my experience as a man, I think a lot of us are not fully ready to commit to someone longterm until our late twenties. It sounds like he still has some wild oats to sow.

 

Honestly, you have a life in your own country and little to gain by being a long distance fallback / emotional tampon for this guy. I would cut contact and concentrate on your life at home and finding someone that you don't have to move away to be with. Cutting contact may also shake him up a bit and make him come around...but f&?k that...even if he did, I feel that you will have lost too much forward momentum in this relationship to really want to contemplate giving up your life to go join his.

 

just my opinion of course, good luck

[liselotte]

No im not french:)

To clear smth out. I dont have life in my own country. I have been away from home over 2 years and when i went to visit this summer for the first time i actually realized i have nothing there anymore. Life has gone on without me there. Before i left i had uni, job my friends but now i would have to start again there aswell:) sure it would be a bit easyer as i still have my family and some closest friends there but still basically a new start.

But today i can say i have cut off contact with him. I havent been in contact with him for 4 days. When we last talked we were suppose to talk today but im not gonna do it. So we'll see how things go:)

Its not actually hard not to contact him as i really feel like i have nothing to say to him atm. I do miss him, but i miss the person i was with when we were both still in australia not the person he is now.