ParadeRain Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) A few nights ago I had a One Night Stand with a random girl, bad idea, it made me feel sick, click here to read about it The night before last I had a dream about my ex, I woke up yesterday feeling depressed and hurting all day. Tonight I made the foolish mistake of checking out her facebook, shaking and getting short of breath while looking at pics of her on wild nights out young, free and single... It's been almost 3 months since she left me... and almost 2 months of absolute ZERO contact... I had gotten to the stage of that numb, dull aching hurt and missing her... But due to recent events I listed above... the past few days it feels like she left only yesterday, and I'm pissed off because my life is heading in an amazing direction I have never been before, I just got an amazing job, lots of money, opportunities opening up for me to enjoy myself... But I can't enjoy myself because I feel like my "ability to be happy" has been stolen... I don't feel like I have the ability to enjoy myself, I'm either in 1 of 2 states at the moment... Absolutely heart broken, hurt, depressed, sad and lonely... Or Angry, egotistical and ruthlessly determined to succeed at my job... If 100 was still absolutely still in love with her, and 0 was having moved on and being completely over her, I think I am probably around the 97.8 mark, and almost 3 months after the break up... that's not exactly progress... At some points, during the past month especially, I have felt a little better than I do now, but I'm seriously getting frustrated and irritated, I NEED the secret to getting over this... I know people say it takes time, and I'm giving it time.. I've given it 3 months of my life already and I don't feel like my heart and mind are making any progress... It's really getting me down, I'm 20 years old from working class England, I'm not a pussy I will fight any man fist to fist, I will go to war, sky dive, eat a huge spider... whatever... but wowwww this hurts I feel like CRYING, if I relaxed and let my emotions flow right now then tears would probably fall from my eyes... because I'm EXHAUSTED with the CONSTANT hurt & heart break, I need a break from this ****ing feeling Edited August 26, 2012 by ParadeRain
motive2002 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Yes it does take time. Don't beat yourself up over "not getting that secret thing to get over it". None of us found it either. You've made 2 months zero contact. Acknowledge your milestone and keep pushing. You've survived and will continue to do so. You're still here and very much alive.
Author ParadeRain Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 You've made 2 months zero contact. Acknowledge your milestone and keep pushing. You've survived and will continue to do so. You're still here and very much alive. I've had no choice, she went cold on me, she left me, she hasn't contacted me since I stopped contacting her, no contact is easy now because I know that I've lost her... I can't talk to somebody who clearly doesn't want to talk to me... no contact isn't an achievement in my case anymore.. it's just the way it is.. fallen into place naturally.. not something I have to make TRY at anymore
stemac Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Maybe that's what you need to do is cry Let it out, don't bottle it up, I know how Your feeling it's been I think 3 weeks for Me and I've cried an ocean,
motive2002 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I've had no choice, she went cold on me, she left me, she hasn't contacted me since I stopped contacting her, no contact is easy now because I know that I've lost her... I can't talk to somebody who clearly doesn't want to talk to me... no contact isn't an achievement in my case anymore.. it's just the way it is.. fallen into place naturally.. not something I have to make TRY at anymore I know exactly how you feel. When I got dumped last I went no contact. At first I did it to try to get back some power.. and like many of us, to try and "make them wonder what we're up to" in hopes of something... contact.. anything. Turns out that it was terrific for them, or her or whatever. She didn't have to deal with any of it and go go about enjoying your life while you feel like the shriveled prune of a heart you have left has been crushed to obliteration. Then you realize what no-contact is all about. Its space for YOU to heal. It's all about you and getting on with things. You sell yourself far too short. You could have caved. Sent her texts and emails and so on trying to win her back and losing all your dignity in the process. But you didn't. You maintained NC, and you're doing it for YOU so YOU can heal and find a life of your own again. Hang in there!
Recommended Posts