DarkInspirations Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Well, not uncommon of a thread here but just would like the advice. Story is a little long, so please bare with me. Well, here is the thing. I met two wonderful guys, *clears throat* online. Well i havent had a chance to meet either yet but really want too. They both know about the other and i have feelings for both. One though i really care about more then the other. Thing is neither will give me space... well to recently. Well the one that i do love more is very much not boyfriend material. Even his friends will tell you they dont think he is. Anyway, he's still a virgin or so he claims. He has lots of a girl pals. Thing is , yeah, i've been insecure because of that but because he knows i like someone else he just, grrrr, gets so aggravating. Well, recently because of some events that happened because guy number two. Guy number one, the one i like more. Asked to take a "break". Well i wasnt happy. But of course i have to respect his decision. Well, figuring i was "single" again. I started to hang with some of my guy friends. Well Guy number one doesnt like that idea. He says we're not broken up, just taking a break and i have no right to date others... So the reason of this post... whats everyones suggestion here. I mean there i so much more to the post but ugh, i dont think there is enough space to post it all. I've sent this guy a letter telling him, its completely over that i want to move on and try to rediscover myself but he's determined he wont let up. Well , guy two is still in the rafters but i am not intending to go his direction. Just want my space but seems like neither want to give it.. and remember i do have feelings for these guys... just want some advice on how to handle this.
reasontosigh Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Considering you haven't spent any time in person with either of them yet, I don't see how either one has much say in all this. You have the right to do as you see fit.
Author DarkInspirations Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 See thats what i keep telling them. But , we'll call guy one here Scott and guy two Kevin, just to make it easier here. Kevin was in my life first when i met Scott and well, Scott has done everything that guys usually do for their girlfriend. Even without meeting me he has gave me the money to pay on some bills, sent me flowers, has sung to me on the phone, sent me music, etc, etc. Stuff Kevin has failed in doing over the course of the time that i've known him. Well, this "love triangle" has been going on for 10 months and i can understand Scott's frustrations with it but pretty much back in Dec. I broke off contact with Kevin as far as this whole b/f and g/f thing. WE were just friends. Kevin didnt give up though on trying to swoon me but i pretty much ignored his attempts and did my best to put my focus on Scott. During the entire time Scott wouldnt let up that Kevin was even still there as a friend. An other words, he felt like Kevin was just waiting for the right moment. Anyway, recently. On online game, that three of us all played. Kevin came across one of Scott's friends and Scott's friend asked Kevin if he was my friend.. Kevin snorted and said , "Friend? More like boyfriend." Well anyway this spurred off this big trust problem with Scott and accusations and so on started to get thrown in both directions. I was accusing him of not being as faithful as he claimed and he had an other girl. Which i dont know if he did but saying me feel better at the time, etc, i know it was wrong but most know how it is... well, Scott was coming to see me here at the end of the month until this all happened.. And a couple of days ago he said he wanted a break AFTER he had been here. Well that seemed odd to me. But i said no, why not take it now and he refused then... Anyway a few days ago after 4 or 5 days of constant bickering he said i want that break now. Not that i have gone with anyone but a few of my guy friends asked me to go to the bars with them. I said sure. Well Scott called and he was like. We're not broken up just taking a break. I asked him what that meant and he said , we're just taking a breather until he figured out things. One of those things is how much he loved me. so wth? ... anyway, he's not coming out here now... Well last night after a few days of him STILL calling after wanting a break. I finally decided i didnt want the waiting game anymore and having him expecting me to wait for him on the sidelines while he made his decisions. I am already a very impatient person so i figured i had waited long enough. So i sent the email, saying i think we're better off on moving on. That i needed to rediscover myself and become happy with myself first before starting a new relationship or continuing an old one. Of course he called and right away Kevin was brought up. I can tell you right now i am not going that direction. I honestly want my time to think and rebuild myself , to better myself... Well he has the nerve to do all typical, i dont want to lose you but i still dont know what i want right now, and i really love you, you mean the world to me type conversation. Even had the nerve trying to get phone sex started. But honestly, i hurt with the idea of losing both these guys and on one level Kevin is there , and even though he hasnt really done anything for me, he has everything i really desire for a life long partner. Just except hes way to young and i feel he needs to experience life first before committing to me.. but anyway, i am not going his direction....Once again, i just want my space... But yes, i know i can make these things happen that i want but it hurts to really say goodbye to either. I just dont know if really for as long as the "love triangle" to have been going on for me to say, "screw off" and move on. No one controls me but i feel guilty because at least one i feel still deserves to be with me in some way or another... Anyway i am rambling, sounds like i am just trying to justify things myself.. but advice is still always helpful.
reasontosigh Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Wow....I've read through this twice already and I'm still trying to get it all sorted out. That's quite a situation you've had going there. I'm thinking that you are wise to take a break from both of them right now. You don't necessarily have to say goodbye to either just yet. Perhaps an email would be best here. Although it is rather impersonal, by putting both names in the "to" field, this way both of them know you are being upfront and you mean business with both - that there is no behind-the-scenes stuff going on. You have got to tell them both that you need the time and space to clear your head about all this because, let's face it, you do. It wouldn't hurt either, if you are able to right now, to repay Scott some of that bill money he sent you. He may have given it to you as a gift, but frankly I can see why he thinks he's got more at stake here, for lack of a better way of putting it. Don't put yourself in a position to run into either of them online, either. Block them both if you must. You're going to have to avoid contact with both of them so you can think clearly about things. Good luck. If I can think of anything more, I'll put it in this thread.
Author DarkInspirations Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 Well there is always more "under the scenes" stuff that goes on but lot of it really cant be posted in these boards... but anyway... Thank you.. i've taken a lot of the measures already suggested. Just Scott, doesnt seem to understand... taking a break means sometimes cutting off contact during that time possibly... i think he just wants to make sure i am there when he decides and not in the arms of an other man.... which, lol, i dont plan on doing because of being sick of men right now. lol... but yes, advice is always accepted. Thank You.
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