Liss77 Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Well, I have not talked to this man since 10:30 pm last night. This is so hard, this is also the frirst time we have not talked this long since we started dating. He made me feel like a woman, he made me laugh, i felt great around him now he is not calling me. He said last night that he is tired of me pressuring him about leaving his house. He said I have become obsessive. I told him the only reason why I doubt everything he says is because he lied to me. He told me he had an apartment and that he was seperated from his wife. Once i got the courage to find out on my own and have confronted him he gets upset. I MEAN HE STILL LIVES AT HOME AND SEES ME!!!! Do any of u think this is a disease? That people do this for fun to others? How come I was strong enough to break up my family and pursue this other man BUT he is holding back? Confused, hurt, distraught and having regrets, Liss p.s. thanks for the advice mr. spock
Mr Spock Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 I see no one has responded to your post-how are you doing?
be strong Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 he doesn't desrve you....realize it and move on. I know its hard but don't waste anymore time on him. Life your life, love youself and find your true soul mate because its apparent that hes not the one.
grace1962 Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Lisa77, I am VERY sorry you are hurting, but h'es married! He's NOT going anywhere... and if he was... why would you want second best?
leilab Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 I can appreciate what your MM said about being obsessive - and I sure know why you went out and found out information on him. It's called "womens intuition" and it is a lot stronger than we all give ourselves credit for. Read some of the posts the Red Flag Rick has posted in response to OW stories. He is right on. Women have a sixth sense about things - especially when it comes to the man they are with. You instinctively knew that there was more to the story than he led on. And of course, now that he is getting caught with his pants down, he is ticked off. You are becoming more trouble to him - so that's that. And of course he wants to put it back on you - "if you didn't pressure me....if you weren't obsessive". They are all excuses. I have heard all the excuses - when I gave my MM a concrete reason to leave his wife and teenage son, guess what?????? All the excuses were gone - all of a sudden he had to think about what he WANTED and all of a sudden he realized that he was still in love with his wife. When fun turns into work or obligation, it's over. You have a right to find out what you are involved in and what the man you are involved in is up to. But based on what you say, you already know that you don't trust him. Cut your losses now. And don't accept his pitiful attempt to shift responsibility to you for the end of the relationship.
Author Liss77 Posted July 18, 2004 Author Posted July 18, 2004 Well he text messaged me today asking what I was doing I replied I don't know he said he wanted to talk and see me I replied I am confused he said he would call me in a bit. I am scared that I am going to be baited in. What should I say if he calls? I just want to know if he is going to get the balls to leave or not or keep using his son as an excuse. I have been through so much. I have never cried so much as I do with him. I wish he was in my shoes. Thank u all for ur advice. When will the pain and the memories go away if I choose to let him go? Will I meet someone who makes me feel like I did with him? I am so lost. When he didn't call me yesterday at all I was wondering what he was doing. Is this normal? I don't even think twice about my x husband but with this other man I am a wreck. On a good note I bought fish for the fish tank and I named them: Nextel, blueballs,tigger, charlie chaplin, peacock,oreo, seven, and eight. They helped me through my depression yesterday ;0 Thanks all, Liss
leilab Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 It's been four months for me - and I don't feel any better. No contact since that awful day he called me up and told me "I can't do this anymore". I know what you mean about crying your eyes out - I am going through the last stages of divorce, and all I do is think about my ex-MM. I am not sure what to tell you. All I know is that once my MM told his wife that he was leaving he - all bets were off. As long as they continue in the secrecy of the affair, it is easy to continue. The hard part is when they actually tell their spouse the truth. Then their resolve really starts getting tested. So, if you think this is easy; the hard part is yet to come. And once that process starts, well, there is a lot of grief down the road via divorce and all the issues that come from that. So as I said, if you can cut your lossess, right now would be a good time. What was that quote the other day, "when a man shows you who he is, believe him the first time".
Author Liss77 Posted July 19, 2004 Author Posted July 19, 2004 Well I broke. I met him for lunch. I gave him an ultimatum (with the help of all of u) I told him at lunch to make a decision and he said that he is leaving his wife and that we have to talk about living arrangements. He took my hand and said that he was sorry it took this long but he was scared to tell his son that daddy is leaving again. Does anyone think this is a good thing? I've lived with him before but with guilt now I would be living with him BUT now with lies and past deceit. I do know that I will have to be ready for him to fight with his wife and her putting the guilt trip on him. This all just happened so fast and I am scared........
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