Marine0311 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Hey, I'm new to this site and I guess I need somebody to vent too and get advice, so hopefully I can here. Well, here is some background. I a United States Marine in the infantry, I am 19 years old and am in a long distance relationship with my high school girlfriend. She is a freshman in college and plays college soccer. Therefore, I know she is super busy all the time and I don't ever hassle her or question her. Here's the thing though, we text probably about 10 minutes a day and she seems to have no interest in holding a conversation. When I call she either answers and says can't talk or doesn't answer at all. It is hurting me a lot and my mom told me just to take it easy and not to worry because she is super busy with soccer and school. Here's why it hurts though... I graduated high school in 2011 and left right for boot camp, we wrote non-stop and when I graduated and had 10-day leave we had an amazing time together. She slept over every night, we surfed and laid on the beach all day, and went on fancy dates at night. It was the happiest 10 days ever. After infantry school I was sent to my unit and deployed in November. While in Afghanistan she wrote me and emailed me so much and It helped a lot with the deployment. Well, I got back late June and spent 3 weeks home in July! She was now out of high school too, but this again was the best 3 weeks of my life, we had sleep overs everynight, surfed everyday, went to parties and nice dates at nighttime, spent a weekend in New York City,and so much more. Not to mention we made love like 2-4 times a day we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Well, I left July 24 and had to go into the field for a month so I had no phone. When I finally got my phone back I read all the texts shed sent and they started off getting like 3 a day for Aout a week, then they slowly died down to none. Since I've had my phone the longest we talked on the phone was 5 minutes, she hasn't told me a thing about college or soccer. I don't even know what her dorm looks like!! She is so vague and uninterested in me now I feel like and it hurts so much. I don't know how in the span of 4 weeks she seems to have no affection towards me. Does anybody know how to go about this! I don't want to breakup with her, but part of me feels like she realized that our fairy tale lettered relationship is too idealistic and won't work.. Or should I just continue to wait and see if it gets better. Please help.
Author Marine0311 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 Some details I forgot.. I am stationed Cali she goes to school in new York. We've been together since I was 17 and she was 16 were now 18 and 19.. When I was gone shed sleep over my house in my bed, eat dinner over, hang with my mom and little brother and talk about me 24/7.. Now since she's gotten to college if eel like she's changing her emotions for me! Maybe my mom is right and she's just super busy wi soccer and school or maybe she's actually moving on because of how new college and living on her own is. What do I do? She won't even talk about it with me!
PoppyLove89 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Hello! Well let me give you a POV as the girl home waiting...my ex boyfriend (whom I was with for little over a year) is in the British army infantry and we stuck it out through his training period and beyond. In all honesty, I could never wait to hear from him. Even just his early morning text messages at 5.30/6am. I was impatient for his evening calls and we'd chat for as long as he was allowed to. During his phase one training, right at the start of our relationship, we exchanged hand-written letters as well as phone calls/text messages but I HATED waiting for the time of day when he'd be allowed to use his phone. Blanket punishment was a pain in the arse and often left me devastated when he wasn't allowed home despite already having been away from home for 5/6 weeks at a time. The one side I can't give you insider info for is when you're home waiting while he's out on tour. My ex is due to deploy in March and luckily the British military only do 6 month stints but I was dreading that as it was and we often argued about it - because I was terrified for him and he was very mind-over-matter ('It's my job and that's that!' kind of thing). I just wanted him to tell me that everything would be okay and that he'd stay safe etc but he'd just shut down about it. The distance put pressure on us and once he was posted to his battalion, after his pass out, things got a little easier because he'd come home every weekend. Problem was, I worked in a bar and often had to work while he was home and would see him before and after. But we honestly couldn't ever wait to see each other! So here's my opinion on your situation and I don't mean it to put a dampener on you because at the end of the day I don't know your girlfriend and I don't know what you two are like as a couple....but it seems to me that this long-distance thing is wearing her down a bit. Maybe she's bored of all the effort it requires? If she's as busy as you think she is, then waiting for your calls/texts is probably the last thing on her mind. I know it sounds horrible but from what you've said it doesn't sound like she's waiting by the phone like I was. How long have you two been together? Have you approached her about this? Maybe ask her the next time you're together in person, where she sees your relationship heading and how she feels about it in general? You might just be over-thinking things. I know that misunderstood text messages caused arguments between me and my ex at times and we grew quite frustrated with constantly being apart. Chin up! ps. having just read your latest comment...I was with my first boyfriend for 3 and a half years (I was 17 and he was 22 when we got together and 20, almost 21 and 25 when we split up)...you're both still so young. I ended up losing all my feelings for my first boyfriend because I was at the age when you do all your changing and evolving as a person. Maybe she's just changing into the person she is going to be? She's still a teenager, verging on adulthood. Edited August 26, 2012 by PoppyLove89
Author Marine0311 Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Thank you for the response, while I was in Afghanistan we actually did a few joint missions with British troops. Your ex will be alright, if he was trained like e Brits I worked with he's a good warrior. Anyways, your story is so similar to ours! She'd wait for letters, wait by the phone when she knew I could call, my mom would tell me shed get real upset on days when I was supposed to call, but I couldn't get my phone. Everything has been amazing all the way up til last week! Before I left again to go back to my unit she cried when we said goodbye and I told her I'd see her thanksgiving and not too worry. I didn't have my phone for a month and now that I have it back for good, wenbarelyntalk. I won't see her again for 3 months and we barely talk now. I don't know how well even stay together for another 3 months! It hurts a lot.. The trout of loosing her is horrible and the thought of her with somebody else hurts even more. Why did you and your ex breakup?
PoppyLove89 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Maybe its just her way of dealing with missing you? I know that my ex, whenever he'd been on leave for a week or so would go all quiet on me for the first couple of days after he got back to camp. British troops get a month off every August and he'd just passed out so we had the best summer of our lives (went to the zoo, went shopping, to the beach...all that sort of stuff) and when he got back to camp he'd call me every couple of hours, which was unusual in itself because he'd usually be off playing on the ps3 with the other lads but on the phone he kept making excuses to get off the phone asap which I thought was even odder. Eventually he text me 'I can't even hide how I feel on the phone. This hurts so much, I want to cry. Knowing I'm not there for you whenever you need me, tares me up.' (He was homesick, basically) Well the break up happened after we'd been having little tiffs (quarrels) for about 2 weeks on and off but we'd always make up in our own silly way. It all came to a head with one massive argument because he was always away and I wanted to see him but had to work and he wanted to see his friends while I was in work (which was fine) but he wasn't willing to compromise on meeting me after work (which was a 13 hour shift) and he'd have been with his friends all day. I guess he just got fed up of arguing. He kept me on a string for 2 weeks after umm'ing and arr'ing about whether he was sure he made the right choice etc. He then proceeded to still come home every weekend but go out and get smashed with his mates (who are all 18-20 years old and he was 23, is 24 now). In the year and a bit we were together, I can count the times we went out for alcoholic drinks on one hand since he was always very serious about his phys and felt drinking would undo his weeks hard work. None of his mates have real careers like him and I guess he misses that carefree life. He didn't wait long to replace me with an 18 year old, which I can only assume was done so that their relationship wouldn't get as serious/grown-up as ours...3 days before our split he was still excitedly talking about finding a flat together. After our split, once I found out about his new gf, he became really, really nasty which I'm assuming was done to get the point across and to make me get over him faster. Our mutual best-friend at the time, whom we met each other through, once told me that my ex (then boyfriend) said to him that he wishes he could 'leave her so that I can't hurt her anymore. I'd rather she gets over me now than live the rest of her life in pain if I don't come back alive.' So he's left me and replaced me...get on that one! It makes no sense to me but hey-ho! What can you do haha Edited August 26, 2012 by PoppyLove89
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