badly abused by bf's friends

[Leigh 87]

I wouldnt date a woman who insisted I sleep with filthy hookers. And he cries over it? You know what, Im done seeing him as the bad guy. (hes stupid for going along with the hooker thing tho) I think your both bad here and you are clearly not good from him, nor is he for you.

 

The guy clearly cares about you yet you send him off to these whores because of your own insecurity and issues. And you wonder why he friends and family dont like you? Why does he need to break down emotionally before you notice that maybe you are doing some things that hurt him and that his loved ones may really dislike?

 

I agree with KatZee. The people in his life most likely notice huge red flags about you and thats why they behave the way they do. I dont think thats gonna change. I agree that you need to be objective and see why it is people respond the way they do to you.

 

I may be wrong, but thats what Im now feeling about this whole relationship. Its grossly unhealthy, and I think you are simply ruining your boyfriends respect for you little by little with all this drama. Soon he will get sick of it.

 

I would think you two should be sick of each others drama already. As I said, I just dont think you two fit. This relationship doesnt seem stable to me.

 

 

 

Kaylan, I KNOW it is stupid of me to tell a guy I liked, to just keep things casual, and be with hookers. IT WAS F8CKING CRAZY. I DO NOT know WHAT the heck I was thinking! But your not being very supportive here. I am not a mean or terrible person man.. I was just VEry delluded about what a healthy relationship was! You should be happy that I realized how stupid I was, and am getting professional help; because THAT is the exact right thing to do in this instance, and I am doing it.

OBVIOUSLY I have issues! I KNOW this. I am currently seeking HELP for it.

Furthermore, I am SO nice to him! His mother died recently, I am the one he who comforts him, makes his dinner, does everything and anything for him! I am a REALLY nice person and a fantastic girlfriend to him! I have taught him that his mates were in fact terrible people. Look, come one, they ARE NOT nice people, to go around making fun of the way that I looked?

Sorry, but do you honestly think it is mature or desirable for ADULTS to have the time to sit around and make FUN of the way a guys girlfriend looks like!?!?!?! These people are CLEARLY losers.

I ALWAYs tell him to do the right thing, to be kind, and HE LOVES THAT ABOUT ME.

I bring out the best in him. I am all about kindess to others, being social and having fun, and being passionate about life.

Unlike his friends,I DO NOT HAVE TIME to make fun of how people look, or say ANYTHING mean about anyone! I would rather enjoy life to the fullest and work on MYSELF! WHO HAS TIME to be little people and be that negative about people!

 

 

 

 

 

And really.... I HAVE NO redflags, based on my over all dating profile! I am not less educated or less attractive them him in general.

You really fail to see that I am indeed a VERy sweet girl. I did well at school, I have a set career goal, I know what I want and how to get there in life.

I dropped out of school, and went back and got 92% and can not get into any degree I want. The entrance score is valid for 6 more years, so I have all the time I need to get back to college and finish my degree.

I love beng active, being out doors, keeping thin and fit. I also love reading a lot of books, and love people too. Where ever I go out to, I always end up talking to a random stranger for an hour. Because I love people, and always find people who enjoy my company and chat away with me.

That is more than I can say for his mates! They have no intention of studying, or cultivating a career of their dreams! Where as I am passionate about life, and am picking a career path that I love above ANYTHING else!

THEY JUDGE ME as a drop out from college; when I ACTUALLY HAD ANOREXIA AND COUDL NOT STUDY FURTHER. I am AMAZED that no one here finds this incredibly DISGUSTING.

 

I am not sure what the red flags ARE, besides me being socially strange, which is due to a long time in social isolation.

[KatZee]

I agree with this, but you made it sound as though this was all on her shoulders, in your last comment. I agree: I was bullied for years, and I don't even know why. I thought that I was too ugly to be seen, too nasty to be liked, let alone loved.. I isolated myself for the reason I just mentioned, and because I needed to in order to survive (I was suicidal). This has also happened in recent years, amongst people who have long been out of school.

 

Some of us are seen as an easy mark, for some reason. I was polite, I rarely argued, I was a good kid, and all of that continued into adulthood. Now, I'm more like Scrappy-Doo. I won't take that anymore.

 

All on her shoulders? No absolutely not. I've been on the receiving end of some of this behavior, so I know what it's like... but she's still partly to blame from this. I can absolutely see her behaving in certain ways which raise flags for these people and that's why she's getting the reactions she's getting.

 

In my case, my ex's friends hated me from day one simply because they held loyalties to his ex before me. They wanted to prove they were on "her side" and that they'd all hate me without even knowing me. So yeah, these things absolutely can happen with no provocation from the other party but seeing these threads time and time again with the erratic behavior, I'm more convinced the people who are closest to her boyfriend (his friends/family) they're seeing the REAL Leigh. Classmates, they see the superficial layer.

[kaylan]

^^

 

you dont really believe this? no man would sleep with a hooker on force, if i recall her earlier post, he somehow made her believe that it was normal to do such a thing while in a relationship, "because men get bored easily need to sleep beautiful women".

Im not saying she outright forced him. But she very much begged him to do it, even though he kept saying he wasnt much into it. Did I not just read that on the last page? Either her story changes a lot or Im going crazy.

 

I mean the dude emotionally broke down the last time she asked him to. Doesnt sound like a guy who really wants to be doing that sort of thing to me.

 

They are both odd in my book. I think its time to call it quits and find a healthier relationship.

it does not matter how many "red flags" you raise, no one deserves to be treated badly.

I didnt say she deserved it. I said I can understand why people around her boyfriend may react to her the way they do. They may not see their relationship as healthy and thus have a dislike for OP.

[Minnie09]

Trying to understand--what was his retort? Was he calling you a dickhead?

 

Was this on your bf's page, or the friends page?

 

How did your bf handle it? What did he say/do in response, publicly or privately?

 

Why would she make the snide remark about "Andrew" not speaking to the friend any longer blablablaaaaah in the first place? It's immature. It's like she wants to win some contest or something. It's ridiculous. If she's been like that with his friends and family then no wonder they dislike her. It's almos like she wants to exclude them from her oh so perfect relationship. It is just very high school. And whether she notices herself or not, I'm convinced it's all about her. And nobody likes that. I'm not saying its her fault. She did have psychological problems in the past, yes, but I'm trying to understand the friends and family members who think lowly of her. Her behavior does attract negative reactions.

[KatZee]

Im not saying she outright forced him. But she very much begged him to do it, even though he kept saying he wasnt much into it. Did I not just read that on the last page? Either her story changes a lot or Im going crazy.

 

I mean the dude emotionally broke down the last time she asked him to. Doesnt sound like a guy who really wants to be doing that sort of thing to me.

 

They are both odd in my book. I think its time to call it quits and find a healthier relationship.

 

Based on other threads from her, what happened was that he wanted a threesome with a hooker, or at least wanted her to watch him have sex with someone else. He convinced her that this was "normal" behavior in a relationship and she agreed to this because she thought that this is what people in love act like. Probably a bit naive but I don't think she begged him to have sex with a hooker, he wanted to do it, but said he'd feel weird if she wasn't there watching them.

[Leigh 87]

I think your posts speak volumes. They're full of drama and multiple statements that always repeat themselves, like that you're a nice, attractive person, and that he LOVES you, and that your relationship is sooooo great. It looks like you're trying to convince yourself of these facts, yourself and also readers of the forum. And his friends and family. It's just not credible anymore. That's probably why they dislike you. You're trying too hard.

 

I've read some of your posts, and they scream "insecurity". It's great that you go to therapy. But you put yourself in situations that are unhealthy, or at least not normal. If you didn't do that, people would perhaps be able to like you better. People in your class like you, because you're "really genuinely nice".... That's great. But those closest to your relationship, like his family and friends, might have their reasons for disliking you. When somebody watches you making out with your bf, at a party, or at somebody's house, and you're perplexed and irked that the person keeps standing there staring, my first question is, "Who does that?" why do you put yourself in that position in the first place? You're not 16, you have no business making out at somebody else's house and then be offended that people watch you and talk about you. It looks like you want them to see how extremely in love your bf is and how he can't keep his hands off of you. Mature people, healthy people don't need to show off like that.*

 

You send him to hookers and want him to cheat.... Weird. Because what you really want is his undivided attention. It's obvious that you want to manipulate him into convincing you that he doesn't want and need that, because you're sooooo cool and so interesting and so great in bed and so loveable and so hot. You push him away on the outside, because you're insecure in the inside and extremely afraid of not being the center of his attention. That he stays with someone who has these huge insecurity issues speaks volumes. That he actually takes the offer and does **** prostitutes is disrespectful, no matter whether or not you suggested it. I see a lack of respect on his part. He goes to Thailand with friends who hate you. Disrespectful. I'm assuming he's either codependent himself, or more likely, he knows your weaknesses and keeps you, because he can, and has some fun on the side. I don't trust him. I don't trust this R. I think you need to get in balance and move on. Too many huge red flags.

 

At least stop putting yourself in situations that are controversial. Looks like you really like all the (negative) attention you get. Not healthy.

 

 

 

 

 

He actually believes he loves me as much as he CAN love a girl! Trust me. He BELIEVES it. He thinks I am " the one" for him. He genuinely believes this, even if it is not true. HE believes it.....

 

I agree, I sent him to hookers for the reasons you outlined. Recently, I sort of woke up and realized I am a great girl, and deserve and can easily find men who treat me well and think I am awesome. I truly believe this now, and literally overnight I felt sick at the fact I actually suggested the hookers to him.

 

He is immature and I am his first relationship. He didnot exactly have a blueprint for what a healthy relationship is. This does not exuse what he did, but he would not have sought out hookers, had I not suggested it.

He is adamant that he would not BOTHER with a girl he is not totally into.

 

If he does not respect me, he is oblivious to it. He honestly thinks I ge is madly in love with me. Perhaps we were both damaged to begin with, hence why we both thought the hooker arrangement was ideal.

We have since moved on from this phase, and both find that a long term, monogomus relationship is the best thing to have.

[Leigh 87]

Based on other threads from her, what happened was that he wanted a threesome with a hooker, or at least wanted her to watch him have sex with someone else. He convinced her that this was "normal" behavior in a relationship and she agreed to this because she thought that this is what people in love act like. Probably a bit naive but I don't think she begged him to have sex with a hooker, he wanted to do it, but said he'd feel weird if she wasn't there watching them.

 

 

no. I forced him to do everything, because I wanted to be such a cool girlfriend. I am sort of crazy, different, quirky, and wanted to be the cool girlfriend" who was so easy going, and let her boyfriend have meaningless sex because why should he have to go without other women ever again, just because he loved me?

[StillReigning]

He actually believes he loves me as much as he CAN love a girl! Trust me. He BELIEVES it. He thinks I am " the one" for him. He genuinely believes this, even if it is not true. HE believes it.....

 

I agree, I sent him to hookers for the reasons you outlined. Recently, I sort of woke up and realized I am a great girl, and deserve and can easily find men who treat me well and think I am awesome. I truly believe this now, and literally overnight I felt sick at the fact I actually suggested the hookers to him.

 

He is immature and I am his first relationship. He didnot exactly have a blueprint for what a healthy relationship is. This does not exuse what he did, but he would not have sought out hookers, had I not suggested it.

He is adamant that he would not BOTHER with a girl he is not totally into.

 

If he does not respect me, he is oblivious to it. He honestly thinks I ge is madly in love with me. Perhaps we were both damaged to begin with, hence why we both thought the hooker arrangement was ideal.

We have since moved on from this phase, and both find that a long term, monogomus relationship is the best thing to have.

 

 

 

He allows his "friends" to abuse you and that's called respect?

 

 

 

I would beat my friend's ass to a bloody pulp if they disrespected my girlfriend continuously

[xxoo]

Why would she make the snide remark about "Andrew" not speaking to the friend any longer blablablaaaaah in the first place? It's immature.

 

I agree.

 

But I'm curious if Andrew speaks for himself, or if Leigh speaks for him.

 

Friends will despise a boyfriend/girlfriend (Leigh) who speaks for their friend (Andrew).....even moreso if Andrew never stands up and backs Leigh up. They'll assume she is just spouting off, and Andrew doesn't agree with her.

 

He should be speaking for himself, and she should let him handle his friends by himself.

[kaylan]

Based on other threads from her, what happened was that he wanted a threesome with a hooker, or at least wanted her to watch him have sex with someone else. He convinced her that this was "normal" behavior in a relationship and she agreed to this because she thought that this is what people in love act like. Probably a bit naive but I don't think she begged him to have sex with a hooker, he wanted to do it, but said he'd feel weird if she wasn't there watching them.

Well then her story shouldnt be changing the way it has. The hooker story is different in this thread than in others.

 

Her previous post in this thread made the whole 3some thing look like her idea and her wanting him to have it. Hell, other threads have been the same way. Sometimes it seems like its mostly his doing, then sometimes mostly her doing, then sometimes both of them.

 

Its all too confusing.

 

And OP, you said you dont see red flags for yourself? Let me be very honest. Severe insecurity, hookers, and these image issues youve had regarding yourself are things that spell drama and can look like red flags to a lot of people (namely your bf's friends). Add in the fact that you said they are snobby about your school and career choices, and thats another red flag in their book. And to some people, if they see all this drama, and know drama caused someone not to finish college and not have a set career just yet, thats a big red flag to a lot of people. Not the education thing on its face, but how you let drama control your life.

[Leigh 87]

Why would she make the snide remark about "Andrew" not speaking to the friend any longer blablablaaaaah in the first place? It's immature. It's like she wants to win some contest or something. It's ridiculous. If she's been like that with his friends and family then no wonder they dislike her. It's almos like she wants to exclude them from her oh so perfect relationship. It is just very high school. And whether she notices herself or not, I'm convinced it's all about her. And nobody likes that. I'm not saying its her fault. She did have psychological problems in the past, yes, but I'm trying to understand the friends and family members who think lowly of her. Her behavior does attract negative reactions.

 

 

Look, I agree. I have obviously said and done some things that have made him think badly of me. But I never did anything mallicious. I never did anything mean. I have NO illentent towards ANY one.

 

All I did was act strange. I caused issues due to misundestanding social cues. Honestly. That is ALL I did.

 

 

 

whatever I did, how can you AGREE with people who called me ugly, a whore ( I have been with two men in 7 years and am not "easy"), and other horrible things?

 

WHY did I deserve to be extremely verbally abused?!

 

 

Look, I think I am better than people who have time to sit around and make fun of the way another person looks. If you regard people who do that more highly than me, than you obviously do not know the real me.

[StillReigning]

Leigh I know you are not reading my posts but I will post anyway. You are going to get worse off mentally if you stay in this relationship.

 

He should not allow anyone to disrespect you, especially because you are a woman, and you are in a fragile emotional state. He may say he loves you, but boyfriends have certain obligations such as protecting their loved ones.

 

As many other posters have said, if anyone disrespected my S/O they would get their teeth knocked down their throat. The fact that he allows that shows the dynamics of the relationship are all out of whack. You dont want to get sicker. You need to detach yourself from this and heal, properly. I know you love him but does he really love you? Do both of you really know what love is?

 

 

What a bizarre man. I don't know anybody who would allow people to disrespect their significant other

 

 

I would completely outraged if that even happened to my friend's GF while she was there

[Leigh 87]

Leigh I know you are not reading my posts but I will post anyway. You are going to get worse off mentally if you stay in this relationship.

 

He should not allow anyone to disrespect you, especially because you are a woman, and you are in a fragile emotional state. He may say he loves you, but boyfriends have certain obligations such as protecting their loved ones.

 

As many other posters have said, if anyone disrespected my S/O they would get their teeth knocked down their throat. The fact that he allows that shows the dynamics of the relationship are all out of whack. You dont want to get sicker. You need to detach yourself from this and heal, properly. I know you love him but does he really love you? Do both of you really know what love is?

 

 

 

Your posts are the only ones I read really. I cannot believe people actually AGREE with his friends behaviour and think that abusing me and destroying my property is OKAY.

[KatZee]

You didnt force him to do anything. Unless you held a gun to his head, you did not force him. You may have pressured him but you did not force him.

 

No I don't believe he was forced either... I had to go back and find the threads because I feel like I'm going crazy with the hooker story... at the risk of beating this dead horse about the hooker tale, I found this:

 

"...The times he saw the hookers, he wanted me to watch him and participate. He could not get it up or really be into it without me there. At the end of it, he felt a strange closeness to me - he felt like his love was inflappable, because it really did feel like just sex to him, and he was really greatful for me letting him experience a different body."

 

"No no no. MOST guys who are in love do not see hookers. I just thought I would let my boyfriend, while he was still relatively young, before he settled down with me. i did not think there was any harm in it."

 

That doesn't seem to be a guy forced, rather a guy who instigated the situation and she allowed it to be "cool."

 

The stories jump all the time from one situation to the next, it's kind of hard to keep up and give solid advice when the story changes from day to day.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh I know you are not reading my posts but I will post anyway. You are going to get worse off mentally if you stay in this relationship.

 

He should not allow anyone to disrespect you, especially because you are a woman, and you are in a fragile emotional state. He may say he loves you, but boyfriends have certain obligations such as protecting their loved ones.

 

As many other posters have said, if anyone disrespected my S/O they would get their teeth knocked down their throat. The fact that he allows that shows the dynamics of the relationship are all out of whack. You dont want to get sicker. You need to detach yourself from this and heal, properly. I know you love him but does he really love you? Do both of you really know what love is?

 

 

 

YES he thinks he loves me so much. I thought it as possible for him to truly love me, and still have meaningless sex withhookers. I can detatch myself from sex and emotions, and assumed a person can be in love, and have meaningless sex occasionally too.

 

I really know that he would not have " needed" hookers on the side had I not suggested it.

 

He says the thought of us being monogomus for the rest of our lives makes him incredibly happy.

 

What the hell do I do? If I break up with him, he will just go on and on about how much he loves me. He will cry and be totally devastated. Look, I know he will have a place in his heart for me for a LONG time.

[StillReigning]

YES he thinks he loves me so much. I thought it as possible for him to truly love me, and still have meaningless sex withhookers. I can detatch myself from sex and emotions, and assumed a person can be in love, and have meaningless sex occasionally too.

 

I really know that he would not have " needed" hookers on the side had I not suggested it.

 

He says the thought of us being monogomus for the rest of our lives makes him incredibly happy.

 

What the hell do I do? If I break up with him, he will just go on and on about how much he loves me. He will cry and be totally devastated. Look, I know he will have a place in his heart for me for a LONG time.

 

 

 

How do you respect a man who has no interest in protecting you?

[irin]

okay leigh i honestly think that your in a dangerous state of mind right now, your posts are like door into the mind of a schizophrenic or bi-polar, and im pretty sure this relationship is very toxic for you, please go a psychiatrist.

 

this this like a couple on drugs who are very bad for each other,

 

 

you contradict yourself every 2 seconds.

[xxoo]

What the hell do I do? If I break up with him, he will just go on and on about how much he loves me. He will cry and be totally devastated. Look, I know he will have a place in his heart for me for a LONG time.

 

Remember your recent thread, asking "what is love"?

 

Love is a verb. Love is an action. He loves you (feeling) as much as he loves you (action).

 

He can say he loves you, and even believe that he loves you, but it is WORTHLESS if he won't act in the loving ways that you need. You need a partner who loves you enough to stand up to his friends when they abuse you. Does he love you, or not? This is not a challenge or ultimatum. This is a question of his priorities, character, and maturity.

[rainfall]

Your posts are the only ones I read really. I cannot believe people actually AGREE with his friends behaviour and think that abusing me and destroying my property is OKAY.

 

 

I don't see how mistreating a friends SO is ever ok.

 

I personally don't really like one of my boyfriend's bestfriends and I know he doesn't really like me. When we first got together I know his friend tried to tell my boyfriend to dump me. However the two of us have kind of made a truce and treat each other decently and can even hang out together now.

 

I know he isn't going anywhere and he knows I'm not going anywhere so we both know if we want to be a part of our friend/boyfriend's life we have to treat the people that matter to him with respect.

[Minnie09]

Leigh, I did not say that his friends are good guys, and you're the bad guy. If they said what they said, using those words, then they're definitely *******s. But what does that say about Andrew? Plus the fact that he doesn't stand up for you?

 

I know you want some tlc here. But I'm sorry, I don't think it will help you or change anything. What they said was wrong, but the fact that they dislike you, and that his family dislikes you, originated from something, and it is your behavior. If it is not your behavior it must be something caused by the R dynamics, or by your boyfriend conveying incorrect information, and thus creating the wrong impression. Maybe he's the one trying to force a gap between you and his mates. Who knows what he tells them? They dislike you for a reason. I can only assume what it is. Given your posts, and there are plenty on here, you try to hard. You want to be right. You repeat the same messages relentlessly over and over again. You read people's opinions, and if you don't want to hear certain comments, you just get louder and more obnoxious. Is that how you act around his mates? He should defend you, I strongly believe in that, especially if they abuse and insult you, but obviously he doesn't do that enough. This makes you more defensive and so on. He is leaving you alone in this battle. The one poster above is right in saying that if you speak for him, it will be counterproductive. He has to speak up and stand his ground. Whose side is he on? What you're trying to do is play the "us against the world" game. And it's not going to work. He has other people in his life that he cares about, not just you. But he should have set some strong boundaries a long time ago.

[amaysngrace]

You seem so insecure Leigh and that can make a person ugly.

 

His friends know how to push your buttons and so they do.

 

To them it's funny to get a rise out of you and make you upset.

 

Are you really ready to be in a relationship?

 

I don't know much about you other than you being anorexic but have you figured out why you became anorexic in the first place?

[Leigh 87]

What a bizarre man. I don't know anybody who would allow people to disrespect their significant other

 

 

I would completely outraged if that even happened to my friend's GF while she was there

 

 

 

 

Oh.. he defends me when people say mean things about me, the only time he had issues with it, was when his good friends of 14 years did it; they disliked me because I was socially awkward. Then abused me because the guy tried to kiss me, then lied about it; while his girlfriend at the time obviously wanted to kill me.

Andrew was in total disbelief! He honestly was SO taken aback by it all! I HATE drama, and am VERY friendly and never bitch or cause issues with people intentionally.

His fist reaction was to not talk to them. HIS reaction, not what I suggested he should do.

He then became enraged and angry at them. It just took a while for him to see the whole situation and accept his mates of mroe than 14 years were really bad people. He could not see it himself before me.

 

He was at a club went up to a girl who did not like me and told her " if you have a problem Leigh you have a problem with ME" and he was VERY nasty to her.... She only disliked me because a guy who SHE liked, liked me. I have seen him get very defensive about me.

 

It was just not as straight forward with his mates of 14 years; he was a popular guy, and didnot realize that just because every one liked him, that they were necessarily good people. to him, they were nice. He was BAFFLED when they called me ugly, made fun of the way I lookd, and were total ssholes to me. At first, he was in total disblelief

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I did not say that his friends are good guys, and you're the bad guy. If they said what they said, using those words, then they're definitely *******s. But what does that say about Andrew? Plus the fact that he doesn't stand up for you?

 

I know you want some tlc here. But I'm sorry, I don't think it will help you or change anything. What they said was wrong, but the fact that they dislike you, and that his family dislikes you, originated from something, and it is your behavior. If it is not your behavior it must be something caused by the R dynamics, or by your boyfriend conveying incorrect information, and thus creating the wrong impression. Maybe he's the one trying to force a gap between you and his mates. Who knows what he tells them? They dislike you for a reason. I can only assume what it is. Given your posts, and there are plenty on here, you try to hard. You want to be right. You repeat the same messages relentlessly over and over again. You read people's opinions, and if you don't want to hear certain comments, you just get louder and more obnoxious. Is that how you act around his mates? He should defend you, I strongly believe in that, especially if they abuse and insult you, but obviously he doesn't do that enough. This makes you more defensive and so on. He is leaving you alone in this battle. The one poster above is right in saying that if you speak for him, it will be counterproductive. He has to speak up and stand his ground. Whose side is he on? What you're trying to do is play the "us against the world" game. And it's not going to work. He has other people in his life that he cares about, not just you. But he should have set some strong boundaries a long time ago.

 

 

 

No. I am polite, funny, fun, and his friends now like being around me. It was just initially I was socially aborant, due to being solcially isolated for YEARS. I did not know how to act around people and had to learn. I made some mistakes. I took responsibility and learnt from each mistake, and sought professional help out.

 

I was just a little strange. I was never rude, mean, or obnoxious.

 

I can actually walk in their shoes, and I can see I acted strange. Even with the most disgusting of behaviours, I walked in their shoes,and could see how they percieved me as strange and wrong. I still think they are terrible people. sorry, but I would not verbally abuse someone for being different.

 

I am sorry I portrayed Andrew as the bad guy - he DOES stick up for me. He is very protective. He was just so confused about WHY his mates of 14 years would suddenly abuse his girlfriend and call her hideously ugly, when he found be a hot babe, who was socially different, but had nothing THAT bad about her for them to be going on about.

 

His first instinct was to just not talk to them. He did not want to have anything to do with them. Now he looks back and thinks " how dare any one abuse my girlfriend".

 

I am not defending him, but I can see how it would be very confusing for your mates of several years who you thought you KNEW, to try to kiss your girlfriend, then be abuse towards her, when they have NEVEr been anything but nice to him.

 

He know i was socially awkward, therefore he thought maybe I did something to provok it, and he just wanted to sit down and think about what exactly happened. It was too much for him to take in at once when they first abused me verbally.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh I am not condoning anyones behavior of treating you in a harsh manner. I would like to go over the word abuse. Obvious you are not from the USA so words and phrases often do get lost in translation.

 

It is very hard to understand what you are trying to convey. At a cursory glance when one hears the word abuse, it is often associated with physical abuse. There is of course emotional, verbal, and many other kinds of abuse. I would think in your situation bullying would be the right terminology. I am not condoning it.

 

Your state of mind right now is very fragile. You are exhibiting signs of paranoia saying that a girl wants to kill you. It would be wise to get help and figure out how to fix yourself even if it means losing Andrew. And as Grace pointed out, you need to figure out why you have or had an eating disorder. All of this will probably tie into underlying issues which someone can help you with.

 

Yes Andrew will be sad. You will be sad. But you are already sad. The relationship is not a relationship. It was already tainted by bringing in hookers, you having sex with coworkers. Regardless of your intentions, these things just dont go away.

 

You made a statement that you do not like drama, well reading through your posts it wreaks of it. Please get well.

 

 

 

 

We both really love each other and regardless of the drama, our day to day life is very happy:(

 

We are so happy in each others company. Weare laugh constantly, and ar emade so happy on a daily basis. We dearly miss it when we are even ONE DAY apart.

 

We have hobbies, interests,and our OWN lives, yet we still feel like a huge part of ourselves are missing when we are alone. We feel sigiificantly happier when we are together.

 

The hooker thing was messed up I agree! But we did not knwo any better. We nwo see it for what it was, and are interested in bettering ourselves, and moving on.

 

Just leaving him and going no contact with a guy who thinks he is madly in love with me,and who I ADORE and love more than anyone I ever have in my entire life - you know, it is not as simply as leaving a guy when your both in love and VERY attached....

 

What good would leaving him do? We are happier together, andm iserable without each other. Aren't my issues something I need to fix for ME, and have nothing to do with his lack of love for me?

 

I am a great girlfriend to him and he is so happy by the way I treat him and look after him.

He is SO proud of me and happy that I am a good person, who knows right from wrong, and has SHOWN him what horrible people his mates are.

 

 

Look, he fell for a girl who was in a mental hospital at one stage! he KNEW what he was getting into. I TOLD him to leave for his own good, and resume things when i was well.

 

He just canot bare to be away from me, and feels like we are too much a part of one another.

 

 

 

What about getting the help I need and resuming the relationship after? I can guarantee we will not lose feelings.

[snowflakes88]

Being in your relationship must be exhausting... so much drama, so many issues. And I agree with the others. You seem to alternate between prattling on about all of your issues/problems and then trying sooooooo hard to convince everyone how awesome/in love/wonderful you guys are. It's exhausting just to read, so I can only imagine how you must feel.