CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Was anyone able to move on without closure? I mean like you told them you'd give them space and then you just never talked again?
Appleness Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I think that's how it's supposed to work. You give yourself closure. I really don't think your ex can and will give it to you. If you read through other people post's you notice that even the exes that tell why they want to split are either 1) confused 2) lying 3) just flat out don't care. If they're confused they don't know HOW to tell you. If they're lying, you won't get the truth anyway. If they flat out don't care, then they'll just ignore you. Closure means that you let go and can be okay without them. They can't help you don that. Only you can. Take a step back and look at the whole picture (even if it's only a small piece at a time). You might realize you have the answers already. Good luck 3
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Was anyone able to move on without closure? I mean like you told them you'd give them space and then you just never talked again? Nobody can ever provide you with closure but you (see my signature). You can ask a million-and-one questions, and you might receive a million-and-one answers - today - which will simply prompt more questions... and tomorrow, if you were to ask the exact same questions, you might get a whole batch of completely different answers... Closure? From them? No. 2
Author CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 I feel like I still have a lot id like to say. I suppose it would be pointless though. Basically all I would be trying to get out of her is a little guilt for letting go of me so many times out of the blue. I guess she has issues that are out of my control that cause these break up and make up cycles? Well in officially over it now, silence it is.
Tally123 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I have had to move on without any answers, without any long drawn out conversations. We text and i never text him back. It was over, i knew it. Of course i wanted to text him, say my piece, tell him how i felt, why had to walk away, how diSappointed i was, but i knew that would make me feel worse, giving him the power. I feel i have walked away with dignity, for me, that was worth a thousand times of a crap conversation we could have. Only you can allow yourself to move on. No one else, please remember that! Take care 2
Appleness Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 It's fine to still have things to say. You can say them...to a friend or someone that you trust. Or, you can post on the "post here instead of calling your ex" thread. I started a journal. I want to get the feelings out but I don't care to say those things to him. Why tell him how to improve himself? I don't care if he stays immature for the rest of his life! It's the equivalent of someone who goes and clean a house they USED TO live in... Doesn't make much sense, huh? 1
Dblock10 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 disagree. you can get closure, but you risk surrendering your power and self worth at the same time. i.e you can push them untll they tell you to go away basically. then you can get the closure, but at a cost of being weak and lowering your self worth. not to mention dignity.
jmjacobs31 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I think you can get closure it just rarely happens. After 12 years I got "Im just not happy and we are more like roommates then boyfriend and girlfriend". I tried to get more out of him like, do you not love me anymore, do you just want to be single, WTF happened and I got nothing. Its been hard to move on because I really dont know what happened on his end but I have accepted the fact that I won't get any more answers.
Dblock10 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I think you can get closure it just rarely happens. After 12 years I got "Im just not happy and we are more like roommates then boyfriend and girlfriend". I tried to get more out of him like, do you not love me anymore, do you just want to be single, WTF happened and I got nothing. Its been hard to move on because I really dont know what happened on his end but I have accepted the fact that I won't get any more answers. it means he stopped fancying you basically. he got bored. sorry to sound harsh, that is not my intention. just i have felt that way before so thought id offer my opinion. needless to say, i begged for her back when i knew she had/was moving on
SadPanda22 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 When my ex broke up with me, he didn't give me a real reason. I knew what he was feeding me was a load of BS. I tried to get him to clarify what the reason was, but he just p*ssyfooted around the issue. I quickly realized that I wasn't going to get any real answers from him. I walked away and haven't spoken to him since. For weeks after the breakup it really bothered me that I didn't know exactly why he broke up with me. I felt that I deserved to know, especially considering how long we were together. I eventually realized that the exact reason didn't matter. My ex had sized me up, took an inventory of what I had to offer as a girlfriend, and decided that his life would be better without me in it. That says it all and no further explanation is necessary. 2
Sugarkane Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 If they got bored then they really couldve said or done something about it I think. Lame.
changchewsoon Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I agree with TaraMaiden, I didn't get my closure at first and was obsessed about it. Then, as time goes during NC period I realized I do not need it. It comes from within, I gave myself closure and came to my senses. I am now a happier man and I started dating again.
LostJustLost Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I dont know if I should say anything because Im just beginning to "move on" and it's been a year since I talked to him. Still at that point where I would love to have closure tho. I would do just about anything for an explanation, a reason, something, anything that could help me understand. But when you think about it, what could he possibly say that could rival the emotional hell I've been dealing with from being kicked to the curb like garbage? Closure.. yep, it sounds wonderful but unless I can close the hole in my heart myself I think Im better off without it. 1
kindest Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 When my ex broke up with me, he didn't give me a real reason. I knew what he was feeding me was a load of BS. I tried to get him to clarify what the reason was, but he just p*ssyfooted around the issue. I quickly realized that I wasn't going to get any real answers from him. I walked away and haven't spoken to him since. For weeks after the breakup it really bothered me that I didn't know exactly why he broke up with me. I felt that I deserved to know, especially considering how long we were together. I eventually realized that the exact reason didn't matter. My ex had sized me up, took an inventory of what I had to offer as a girlfriend, and decided that his life would be better without me in it. That says it all and no further explanation is necessary. Exactly. It was very unfair and really hurts but I refuse to let him walk all over me and take away my peace. If he can do without me as a girlfriend, then I can do without him as someone in my life. It's just easier to forget that we know each other.
goodbyesunshine Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 It has been 38 days since my ex told me he needed "time". He then cut me out completely. At first I was dying for closure, begging for something, anything. He never replied me or picked up my calls. Then one day after much begging (totally lost my dignity there) he texted me and told me he needed more time and wanted me back once he sorted his sh*t out, that he still loved me and would not be the one to walk away from our relationship. And that was it. I snapped out of my "WHY DID HE LEAVE ME" mode and started REALLY thinking. Do I really need him? Do I really want him after how he treated me? Do I even want closure now, after begging so hard for it and not getting anything other than a request for me to wait patiently and be totally ignored and forgotten while he sorts his work problems out for what could be months or years? Even if he comes back for "closure" or reconciliation now... I will stop myself from seeing him. I don't need closure anymore. He's a jerk, he treated me like crap, I don't need explanations because nothing will justify this behaviour. I just want to move on right now. I don't think I'm interested in hearing from him. Even if I do, it's probably with a smile knowing he singlehandedly destroyed the best thing in his life. He will never find someone who loved him like I did. But right now I don't feel a need to hear his guilt or apologies, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. There will always be lonely moments and moments of doubt, but I believe the moment will come one day - for everyone who's had their hearts badly broken - a day where they realise they just don't care anymore. Not a damn. Just not interested. I'll work towards that. 2
Crila16 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 A majority of people don't get closure when someone breaks up with them. You are far from alone. Even when a person gets closure and it's explained to them by the ex...it's never enough. You always have unanswered questions. The only thing you can do is to give yourself closure by closing your eye and just letting it go.
g450 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Never got closure from my XW FWIW but it doesnt bother me any more. I took that power away from her. She was done with me so I found another. Early on though it was all about the why and the when. Never got that and probably never will so you learn to live without it. As time goes by it really doesnt matter any more.
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