new here. Please advice on b/fs female friend

[Kalie]

I am new here so I hope Im posting in the right area.

I have been dating a man for 6 months now. We are exclusive and he has said he loves me and wants to spend forever with me. I pretty much feel the same way. EXCEPT I have a problem with a female friend of his.

Ill list some of the things that has gone on during our relationship with this woman.

 

1. First time he introduced me to her , we went bowling and her husband was out of town. She excused herself after 15 mins with a stomach ache and went home. Left her team, other friends and just left. During the time she was there she was cold to me and really didnt make me feel welcome at all. In fact, her other friends tried to make excuses for her.

2. We went out again on a double with my b/f and she and her husband. It went well and she seemed to come around. She started calling me several times a day. Work, home, cell....everywhere. I finally had to tell her I couldnt take calls at work.

3. She started telling me all my guys faults. Like I didnt figure them out on my own.

4. She lost her job. Got fired. She called me and asked for help getting a new one , we are both in the medical field. I gave her a great lead, made a phone call for her and she now has a wonderful job.

5. After that she took me to dinner to thank me. I thought that was nice. But the whole time she did nothing but tell me bad things about my guy. Honestly, at this point I thought maybe she was just looking out for me. I almost believed half of what she was saying. Things like.....my guy and his ex had a child they gave up for adoption. Of course his parents, who ive gotten to know, know nothing about this. Also he has has hundreds of sex partners, i should be very careful. I asked what the sex of his child was and she hesitated and say

said...a boy. Earlier in our relationship he told me that an ex aborted a child and he didnt know, until much later when she told him. I have more respect for someone that puts a child up for adoption. So why would this bother me?

She kept saying are yoiu going over to Marks after dinner? I ignored her figuring its not any of her business. I finally said, probably not its late.

6. Next morning she calls and first thing she says is...did you go to marks? I said no. She hangs up and calls back 10 mins later. Totally different personality and accuses me of trying to get her fired. Something about me telling everyone she hates her job. She was screaming at me at my office. I hung up on her, after trying to tell her several times.......I got you the job why would I try to get you fired? Wouldnt that make me look goofy? She calls back again screaming,,,, again I hang up. She calls mark and tells him Im no longer allowed at her lake front, where he parks his boat , until i appologise to her for hanging up on her. Of course I refuse. I did nothing wrong.

 

OKAY, big breath. Im sorry this is so long. Long story short, or at least shorter. He still parks his boat there and Im not allowed to use it. His mother told him point blank if hewants to keep this relationship alive he will move that boat to include me in his summer activities. But he hasnt and i refuse to say anything. Its his decision and that decision may be the break or make of us at this point. Today is the big, yearly, lake party at her place. She called him, knowing i was there and left a msg. Mark....we expect you here for some fun.....we are having a big cook out and a party. SO.....hes going. Im here typing away.

 

In all other areas he is the perfect person for me.

 

Another thing I find odd is she is still friends with his ex. His ex from last summer. who I think may be a part in trying to wedge us apart. I also find it odd that she stays friends with his g/fs and exs. She befriends all his new girlstriends. Me on the other hand I didnt put up with her crap. From what I understand shes been rude to all the others and they didnt do anything about it.

 

Marks friends have also told him if he wants to keep me he will rething this situation. They have told me they thing she is a little nutty. She has a wonderful, handsome husband who she treats like crap. Shes very bossy and demanding.

 

She calls mark several times a day. I know he is not interested in her as a g/f but has always been friends. Im not in anyway romantically jealous. I just feel outted and pushed aside on his part because of this situation.

 

I have put our relationship on slow mode and will probably start dating again. He has asked me to move in with him. I do know he loves me but he seems pretty stupid about this situation.

 

Im sorry about this long post.....please give your two cents.

 

 

Kalie

[soapoperahaven]

she does sound very nutty i think he should move the boat and i wouldnt move in til it happened there is no reason to leave you out if you are not invited then he shouldnt go without you i dont care how long they have been friends i think you need to tell him to decide what is more important your relationship or the one he has with her

[epiphone]

actually sounds like you hit the nail on the head, if hes going to be an a**h*** and have wierd crazy friends like that then you accomedate (sp) the relationship to what you want

 

by your post it sounds like you know exactly how to not let people walk all over you and thats a great quality to have

 

i think putting it on slow mode is perfect if YOU think its perfect. If you are extremely upset by this, and he knows that then there is every reason for you to do what you feel is nessecary to fix it

[kalie]

Thank you so much for answering Ive been waiting for a couple hours. LOL. Btw, my keyboard is toast so that is why it looks like i just have bad grammer!

 

This guy is overly nice to everyone. And I think he is a bit unaware of things.

 

My problem is I dont feel ive been with hi m long enough to say .....hey move the boat or we are OVER. I dont think I should have to say it either. He should get a clue. This woman is nasty to not only me but most people she comes in contact with.

 

A friend of mine suggested she is in love with my guy. I dont think she is. I think she is spoiled by him. Before I came along he did everything for her and her husband. For example. Her husband was out of town. My guy called me about 5 on a sat night and I asked what he had done all day. I make it a point NOT to be with him all the time....we only live a couple blocks away. He said he went to sherrys house and cut the grass for her. I was dumbfounded. Seriously. Is aid cant she cut her own grass? I did let him have it at that point and tell him I find his relationship with this woman weird, really weird. He said he was going to back off from them....he didnt want to lose me over it .

 

He has stopped hanging with them, at least Im not aware of it. SHe has not clled him the 2 and 3 times a night she used to. So I think he has backed off.

 

ITs this boat thing. He could easily transport it to other lakes for the day. And take me and my kids with him and we could all have some fun.

 

I know im not far off from this, thinking its weird. His mother made a comment about .......asking if hes moved his boat yet. He responded No. She said...>I think yoiud better.

 

This woman has actually called his mother and told her things about mark and what hes doing. He is such a wonderful person. But I feel like Im dating a child.

 

My exs cheated, lied and were abusive. I care a lot about this man but ive learned to move on if im not getting the respect I should get. Im about there.

 

This will flip you. I dont think I mentioned this. She actually called him one day, i was sitting next to him at his house. And she pumped him about using safe sex. Now he is 46 and she is 32. We are adults. This is nuts.

[kalie]

my guy comes to my apt tonight about 7ish. First thing he says is.......There is a party at sherrys next door nbrs house. Now...he has been there all day on his boat. Then a party starts. I asked him why he came by.....I thought he may be actually inviting me. Being the nbrs house I thought ohh.....I could go. NOT he was just mentioning it because he had plans of going back. I asked AGAIN why he came over. He said just to see how I was and he was on his way home to let the dog out. So he had every intention of going back.

 

I was pissed so i drove to his house. I sat there trying to explaine to him how this made me feel. Now its a party and I cant go because his female friend doesnt like me. I tried to explain to him that if one of my male buds didnt like him and he said some nasty stuff to him I would have told my friend....either you deal with this man in my life and respect my relationship with him or yoiu and are are ending a friendship. STILL DIDNT SINK IN.

 

THen a call comes in. Its sherry (who else?) shes yelling .......Mark you promised to come back. Where the hell are you. Probably knowing I was sitting right there. So i said....so you had every intention of going back. So go.

 

 

He was actually mad at ME!!!

Please tell me im not over the top on this. Ladies......wouldnt you feel left out if your b/f (currently ex) was going to a party and you couldnt go because his female friend didnt like you? I told him I must not be all that important to him if he isnt man enough to tell this chick where to stuff it. I told him ask anyone about this situation, your guy friends, other female buds...they will all say the same. You asked me to move in, youve introduced me to family yet you allow this woman to treat your g/f like crap.

 

I also told him he needs to figure out/ ask her why she is so attached to him and why she does this to EVERY relationship he has. She befriends his g/fs then all of a sudden his relationships end. Go figure. Hes truely not too smart. There is some kind of odd thingy there I dont get.

 

I walked.

 

Thanks for the vent sesson. THis is a great forum.

Hugs to all

 

kalie

[reasontosigh]

Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you, but you did the right thing by ending it. I think ultimately you will find the peace of mind refreshing.