2sunny Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Is her OM married? If he is - his wife has the right to know what's happening in her life too...
Author vedder10 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 No he is not married. He is single and lives alone. One night I actually hacked her icloud accout password and located her iphone. This was like 2:30am. I found the general area on the map, as apples service can only give you an approx. Anyway I found my wife's/my car and put our wedding pictures in the front seat and set the car alarm off and left. This was stupid but I had gotten pissed. Anyway she had the nerve to be mad at me because I made that ******* scared to be with her. Man I couldn't believe that crap. So now that I have threatened divorce, obviously no divorce papers served yet, she is telling me that she doesn't want a divorce and wants to work it out. She just needs time to think. I told her time was over and you don't have to think about anything because I did the thinking and I am saying it's over. 5
2sunny Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Good. Get the D filed and don't look back. She's as selfish as they get. You shouldn't be putting up with any of this! She doesn't get to choose anymore- her actions already set the tone. Tell her the bag is packed - pick it up from outside the front door. Change the licks before you tell her. Keep moving forward.
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Yeah, definitely change the licks..... Really, really glad you're doing this - and it has to be for your son's well-being. I take it you're filing for full custody?
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 It's definitely not easy. Thanks for the support. But I look on the bright side. To all those 6 million women who I thought wanted me but didn't , while I was happily married, look out. In a few months I will be a single man. Erm... don't look now, but there's a queue forming round the block!! Keep your chin up, buster, and we'll support you all we can - not with legal stuff maybe, but certainly, we're all behind you!
BetrayedH Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 You're doing well and the emotional reactions are normal. Don't beat yourself up too much for a little crazy behavior. But don't let the anger overwhelm you. Keep your character, dignity, and honor. I ended up throwing my W out the front door. Spent about 15 hours in jail. She got to officially be the "victim." It took six months to clear up and it has weakened my position in my divorce. Best thing is to detach as much as possible. Limit contact only to that which is required for financials and child custody. Make a habit of doing that by email or text. And document everything. Start saving receipts. Good luck with your atty consult today. 2
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Actually, I often tell people this: It's a divorce. This is the equivalent of terminating a contract between two business partners. Difficult - nigh-on impossible - as it's going to seem sometimes, you MUST absolutely keep your head when making legal decisions concerning the termination of this contract. You must put personal feeling aside - the whys and wherefores are evident. The fact is, divorce courts don't lend a lot of muscle to emotions. Try to remain logical, rational and sensible. Ask yourself with any decision you make along the way: Do I want this because it's a reasonable condition in law - or do I want this because the bitch ripped my heart out? For example: You may look at full custody of your son, because the influence and environment which his mother provides is not a secure one for his development or personal progress. You're not looking for full custody of your son because your wife is a bitch and a tramp who puts it about and has the moral standards of a weasel. see my point? keep your head in legal stuff. We'll help you look after your heart. (no disrespect to decent weasels.....)
turnera Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 If you are considering taking her back - and I always recommend that if kids are involved - I suggest you broaden your scope of exposure to anyone else she listens to. Tell them you will consider keeping her IF she goes total No Contact with this guy and attends counseling with you. Be sure you are documenting EVERYTHING, in case you have to go to court for custody.
Ugh1 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Do NOT even consider taking her back! I don't know why the previous post-er said that! I do NOT care if there are kids involved. This woman has no respect for her HUSBAND! If he stays, she will still have no respect and his son will learn that women can be disrespectful of the man they are with. He will grow up and pick someone just like his mother. This guy needs to hang on to his son, move on, find a great woman and let her teach him how a woman should treat a man (love and respect)! 1
turnera Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I wish people weren't so quick to damn others and throw them away. THAT is a bad lesson to teach your child. More than half of us divorce, rather than stick with something and work it out? Great legacy. 1
TaraMaiden Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I wish people weren't so quick to damn others and throw them away. THAT is a bad lesson to teach your child. More than half of us divorce, rather than stick with something and work it out? Great legacy. I think having more than one lover on the go over periods of time may qualify as a situation where throwing in the towel would be justified. I can see where you're coming from- but there comes a point, when it's just not appropriate to devote more time, patience, energy and consideration towards someone who is still continuing the cheating under your very nose! Openly - !!
turnera Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I think having more than one lover on the go over periods of time may qualify as a situation where throwing in the towel would be justified. I can see where you're coming from- but there comes a point, when it's just not appropriate to devote more time, patience, energy and consideration towards someone who is still continuing the cheating under your very nose! Openly - !! Of course there comes a point. But of all the people on this forum, I can count on ONE hand the number of people who encourage posters to see if they can save their marriage. meh 1
Author vedder10 Posted September 5, 2012 Author Posted September 5, 2012 Guys is there any evidence that once I am completely estranged from my wife that the other man will get sick of her eventually. She has told me in the recent past that he doesn't want children and is not looking to get married. Now he could be just saying this or she could be saying this to make me feel better. But either way we are not seeing each other anymore and she is free to go with him as she pleases. She isn't even staying in my home because I had her legally removed due to a physical altercation. So is there any links that you guys can provide me that explains the mental factors for a cheating married woman and her other man? Just curious how can I expect this to play out in the long run.
turnera Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 vedder, the combined wisdom is that there is only one solution that's guaranteed to leave you in a decent state of mind. And that is for you to LET GO. To plan for what YOU can control (you) and focus on that. KNOW what you need in a woman and in life and let her know what that is. And then, you move on. She will either run to catch up to you or she'll run away - either way is what you need; if she doesn't run to catch up to you, then you don't want her. 3
TaraMaiden Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Guys is there any evidence that once I am completely estranged from my wife that the other man will get sick of her eventually. She has told me in the recent past that he doesn't want children and is not looking to get married. Now he could be just saying this or she could be saying this to make me feel better. But either way we are not seeing each other anymore and she is free to go with him as she pleases. She isn't even staying in my home because I had her legally removed due to a physical altercation. So is there any links that you guys can provide me that explains the mental factors for a cheating married woman and her other man? Just curious how can I expect this to play out in the long run. The secret is not to give a pink-and-purple damn about what happens with regard to her. The secret is to now focus entirely on you, and to build your own future, with you at the helm. It's no longer about her, this is your story of progress, now.
Decimated Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) Vedder10, read my story if you want but please take this advice. She is seriously messed up. Get her out of your head and your life...don't look back. As unremorseful and confused as she is, she will never change. I hoped my STBXWW would emotionally come back to me but guess what? I stayed and tried to R for about a year and she just pretended. I threatened divorce too. She said she didn't want to divorce either and I was naive enough to believe her. I wasted a year of my life trying to fix what she broke...she did only the minimum. If she came back you would always be her second choice. You will never trust her again...ever. You will never forget what she did to you. You now know what she is capable of and who she really is. You can not change someone. You have shown great strength so far...don't get soft. Stay strong for your son and move on. File for divorce. This will show her you are serious and and not playing games. Maybe she will wake up. This will force her to make up her mind but remember the decision is yours to make. She murdered your marriage...it's up to you to bury it or not. Keep in mind, I you don't bury it, you may have to watch it rot! If she stays then you will have to deal with all of the ambivalent s**t that I did, and trust me, it's not worth it. The pain will last for many years...she will drag it out. Also, she could change her mind about the marriage like my STBXWW did and then it's all for nothing. If she leaves then you will be free of her and began to heal. There is a whole world filled with good women who are honest, faithful waiting for you. Edited September 5, 2012 by Decimated
Author vedder10 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Thank you for the advice. I have asked my attorney to file the divorce and I am slowly getting my head right about never being with her again. 2
Decimated Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 When I first discovered my STBXWW's affair the advice given to me from the good members of these forums was to disconnect emotionally and file for divorce. I wish I would have done that from the start. I would have been well on the road to healing by now. Instead I am still waiting for the divorce to be final...so much wasted time. I wish you the best of life. 1
Decimated Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) ^^^^^^^ This! Except the mutually beneficial part is really just beneficial to her...cash, prizes, and parting gifts...no fault divorce. Edited September 7, 2012 by Decimated
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