kourix Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 just feeling perhaps jealous and wanting to rant. how is it that some people manage to get in and out of relationships so quickly? you get a girl who has just broken up, complaining about feeling heartbroken etc etc, and days, weeks, or at most, a month later - boom! new relationship! and life is all full of sunshine again. where do these guys and girls find partners? how is it they make it look so easy while i'm here, having been single for two years (not exactly but i don't consider the jerk who recently broke my heart as a rs anymore, and dating still counts as being single... grey area), simply unable to find a partner. it's either i like the guy, so naturally he turns tail and run, or the guy likes me but i simply have no interest in him. let's just be honest, what i'm really thinking is 'how is it that people break up and find new partners so easily while i’m stuck in a rut, seemingly unable to find someone i actually wanna be with, and on the very off chance that i find that person, well lah dee freaking dah, he doesn’t feel the same way.' why can't i be that lucky, why is it so difficult for me to find someone i connect well with? why can't i just be super sociable and be able to like a guy who is nice to me? others make it look way to easy, getting into relationships. why do i have to be so special/retarded/picky? life's UNFAIR. boo. so yeah... rant over, for now.
carhill Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Yep, life is unfair; also, appearances can be deceiving. Humans are all different with regard to the priority they place upon appearances. Some people live their whole lives with a mask on. It's their life. My sympathies. It does get better, and that's authentic.
atarisboy86 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Kourix, Just like carhill mentioned...it does get better. I understand what you mean about how some people are in and out of relationships so quickly. I used to get into rebound relationships after rebound relationship. Did it make me feel good? Sure it did, I didn't have to "mourn" the previous relationship and I had someone that "loved" me, that I could spend time with and be intimate with. Looking back, yeah there were pictures of me smiling with the girl(s), I was having fun...but I was settling with someone I wasn't compatible with solely for the reason that it would help me avoid the feeling of loneliness. You are not "special/retarted/picky". You are simply not going to settle for someone that is less than what you are willing to accept. I admire that because I've settled for less than what I deserved in the past and it bit me in the behind. Just stay hopeful...you'll find happiness when you least expect it.
leninjapirate Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Exactly what atarisboy86 said. These people just cannot deal with being broken up or being single and bounce from relationship to relationship in attempt to avoid the pain. I've been one of them. It sucks. Either that or their short-term relationships are shallow and without meaning. You're looking for the real deal, and that is commendable. There's a chance that the guys that are willing to date you yet not get into a relationship with you, are only 'rejecting' you when they realise you want something serious and won't accept anything less, because they were holding out hope that you would accept something less. That's just sleazy. Don't mourn them. Focus on absolutely loving the life that you have and the person that you are, and keep on not accepting anything less than a guy who feels the same way and wants the same things you do. You're freakin' awesome <3 1
Author kourix Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 thanks guys, just a rollercoaster of emotions i go through every day. thinking of him during weekends, oh well:rolleyes:
BooBoo1982 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 thanks guys, just a rollercoaster of emotions i go through every day. thinking of him during weekends, oh well:rolleyes: How long have you been broken up?
Daffodil74 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I have the exact feelings/thoughts and been in the same situations like kourix. Many times I feel envious with people who have been in and out of relationships so quickly. The guys I like and can feel connected with turn out either gay or taken (and I don't want to be an intruder). I struggle to like those who like me. I know one of the reasons is it takes time for me to 'trust' somebody. And I need a high level of reassurance. However, I can't help sometimes thinking something wrong with me
KatZee Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I think I can be classified as one of these types of people... I'll give you the story and then tell you how I went about moving on and being happy so quickly. Backstory- with my ex for close to three years. lied to my face for pretty much the whole time. I'm fairly certain he WAS genuinely in love with me, but he started dating me on the rebound (i was an idiot for not seeing this red flag) and he had a lot of emotional and psychological baggage which he kept hidden really well. He cheated on me with his ex, and he started emotionally abusing me towards the end, criticizing me, making me feel worthless. I lost all self-esteem because of him. I had no confidence. I felt like he was the only person I had in the world and that I had so much wrong with me. He made me out to be wrong all the time, with my behavior, way of thinking, actions, etc. He had me totally brainwashed that I was such a flawed human being. I pretty much was destroyed by him because he threatened to dump me about 3 times throughout the course of the relationship. He would always try to modify my behavior by saying, "things need to change... or else..." of course implying that he'd end it with me. When we finally ended officially I was more numb than anything. I felt nothing. I had gone through his games and even though it was shocking and sad that I was no longer his girlfriend, it was something that was inevitably going to happen. I immediately threw out everything of his. Gave back all his clothes, gave him all the scrapbooks and picture albums of us. I threw out everything that reminded me of him, cards, notes, trinkets, books... whatever. All tossed down the garbage chute. I deleted him off FB. Blocked him on e-mail. I deleted all FB chats, all e-mails. I deleted his phone number, deleted all pictures on my phone. I essentially made it that he no longer existed in my world. I unsubscribed to all mutual friends on FB as well so I wouldn't see anything. I'll confess that I did spend a couple of weeks trying to find out how to get an ex back... but the longer we remained apart the longer I had to think about how he had treated me. All the lies he had told me. I refused to dwell on how to get him back. I started looking at our relationship objectively. I saw how unhealthy it had been. How many lies had been spoken. How low it had made me feel. I made it a point to feel all the emotions. To feel sad. I also forced myself to reconnect with old friends, and I forced myself to go out even though I didn't want to and didn't have much fun in the beginning. I started doing new things. And as each day passed... I realized how much I was doing. And very soon after... I was having FUN! It's been almost 4 months post breakup from a close to 3 year relationship and I'm having the time of my life. I'm doing things that I never would have done if I was still with my ex. If I was still with him, my life would still be full of drama. Full of his crappy friends. Full of him putting me down, making me feel like garbage. It would be me just sitting at home waiting for him to get off work so we could hang out. It would be me being sad, anxious, paranoid. I guess what I did, was really see the relationship for what it was. I was missing, and loving what I THOUGHT I had had, not what was really reality. The second I realized that, and really drilled it into my head, and GOT IT... was the second I started moving on. In 4 months I've grown so much as a person. The woman I was before I was dumped.... gone. She'll never be back. I've learned so much. I've grown so much. I see now that he was the insecure one and he felt the need to bring me down to his level. There is nothing and has never been anything wrong with me... I've had 5-6 guys basically breaking my door down trying to date me since finding out I've become single. I'm a great person, with loads to offer. I haven't been in a relationship since my ex, nor have I hooked up with anyone. I've been casually hanging out with guys, but I don't need someone to make me happy... I've found all of that from within myself. That's the key.
Recommended Posts