Magda70 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 For those of you who like statistics about exes suffering from GIGS and contacting/regretting/asking-you-back... My ex did not ask me back but he 1) admitted - for the first time in say 9 months - that the relationship was good and worked 2) it was him who destroyed it all. Halleluia! I know it might sound like "and so what?" but last year statements about he blaming me for the all the negative in the relationship and he not being able to explain why he ever loved me were what still kept me angry and resentful at him...now he even does not remember having ever said those... So, I know i do not gain anything out the above, (well a bit yes: that I was not a dreamer after all: i do know the relationship worked and I do know he destroyed it and not me) but this confirms the GIGS refrain: that the ex is likely to come back and admit mistakes...at least. If they do not do it, then it was not for GIGS that you were dumped or it was one of those cases where GIGS led them to a greener land for real. Also this can happen. :-) I would love to read other's comments/experiences. Cheers
Exit Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 (edited) Congrats on getting a little acceptance from your ex. I think you gained the most you can possibly gain, because getting them back shouldn't really even be an option. Let them stay an ex for what they did. So barring that, the next best thing is just to hear the admission that they realize they were the jerk, and you got that. I've said it before in other threads (and apparently stirred up some controversy and hurt-feelings in the process) but stop trying to fit "gigs" into the explanation of what happened to you. It isn't real. It is an idea created by members on a message forum trying to feel better about getting dumped. If gigs was a real psychological phenomenon it would be in the mental health diagnostic manuals that psychiatrists study. Your ex is simply a person who broke up, moved on, and finally took the time to look back and realize that they treated someone badly and wanted to apologize. Doesn't mean they have gigs. Reaching out to you might have actually been more motivated by doing themselves a favor, to get rid of their guilt and feel like a better person for apologizing. Some dumpers out there might get to the point of feeling these regrets, but not have the nerve to contact the dumpee and actually tell them. Some dumpers may never regret it. And every variation of possibilities in between. But none of it has to involve "gigs". Edited August 25, 2012 by Exit 1
atarisboy86 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Magda70, I understand what you're referring to. I wouldn't say its an ego stroke but to some extent, it feels "good" to know that we weren't wrong and that we were right? I know that at the end of my relationship with my ex, I was to blame for EVERYTHING, it seemed like EVERYTHING was my fault....rainy day? my fault. her car broke down? my fault. Even the smallest things were blamed on me. I think it helps with closure for the ex to get in touch and say those things. It helps take off some of their guilt by admitting they were wrong. 1
Author Magda70 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 If gigs was a real psychological phenomenon it would be in the mental health diagnostic manuals that psychiatrists study. I know GIGS is not medically accurate. Also "midlife crisis" is not but to many happen to want to break up due to thinking they have something to gain from the breakup and get disappointed by the outcome instead. It's ok to me not to call this GIGS but do not deny that very common patterns exist which lead to break up with someone. Patterns like "pining for unrealistic goals, being delusional" are indeed psychological phenomenons which can be symptoms or real mental disorders. Among others: narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorders. And this was indeed my ex case. Your ex is simply a person who broke up, moved on, and finally took the time to look back and realize that they treated someone badly and wanted to apologize. With all respect, in my case, no. :-) Sadly, he has not admitted to have treated me badly (even if he did) and he did not even apologized (even if he could have done but no he did not). He just admitted he was responsible in destroying a relationship which worked. To me, this is already a lot as I was previously told it was all my fault (the breakup) and he could not explain why he loved me (as I was not for him). It is something. I wont get more than this from him (like apologies or other admissions as you hinted) but it has already relieved me from a huge burden. Reaching out to you might have actually been more motivated by doing themselves a favor, to get rid of their guilt and feel like a better person for apologizing. This is again something different but i agree. It might also be due to this or - I add - as an attempt to validate why his life is so miserable now: because he destroyed the previous relationship! while instead, there are so many variables which led him to be where he is now....and they all have to do with being delusional, taking risky decisions and pining unrealistic goals...but that's not our problem. :-) Cheers
Author Magda70 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 I know that at the end of my relationship with my ex, I was to blame for EVERYTHING, it seemed like EVERYTHING was my fault.... Yes, there are indeed common patterns - as i just said to Exit. Common patterns that cannot be ignored by the psychological point of view. I hear all the times over here and in real life that dumpees are blamed for "all the world and his dog"... Take care! Cheers
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