TheDovic Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Before reading on: HAS ANYONE ELSE FELT LIKE I DID IN A SIMILAR SCENARIO TO THIS ONE AND WHAT WAS YOUR EXPERIENCE??? Thanks... Hi guys, haven't been on for a while because my life has been going great, but this last week has been tough as my ex showed up at my door!!!! We broke up 13 months ago, and 5 months ago I told her never to contact me again. Not because I was angry, but because I was struggling to move on. About two weeks ago I met a girl, and as fate would have it she turned out to be friends with my ex's sister. Anyway I like this girl a lot so I asked her on a date last week (which went really well). I'm guessing my ex's sister found out about this because on the night of my date my ex phoned me saying she needed something she had left in my house. Long story short she called later in the week and didn't even know what she had in the house so I take it she just wanted to see me! When she called she didn't seem to want to leave and just kept rambling on for hours before I told her to go because I was tired. Anyway, I was fine at the time and didn't really have any strong feelings towards her but as the week has went on a lot of uncomfortable emotions have been dragged up and I've found myself missing her. I really don't want this to start again and was wondering if anyone else has went through this and were they dragged back into their old despair or did the feelings go away quicker! Thanks guys
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I think you're more wondering what she was angling at... And I'm sure it had a lot to do with the "Girls' Network..... bit of latent jealousy there.... Try to forget it. You have a new young lady on your arm - I wonder how she would feel if she knew her friend's sister had come round... I actually would - if I were you - tell her about it. That way, no nasty surprises being sprung on her unexpectedly, from your jealous ex.... 1
Author TheDovic Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 I think you're right to an extent. I would like to know what her angle was because a huge part of me misses her, but I honestly couldn't go back with her as my life would be miserable! Therefore what I really want is reassurance that I won't get sucked back into the despair I experienced in the months following our break up, because at present I am experiencing those old emotions (although they aren't as intense). I was just surpised at them coming back after being away for such a long time and want to know if this is normal and if they will go away soon!
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Bluntly? Make them go away. They're not welcome, and you have no time for them. They're back - because you let them in, and began to over-think them. You watered them, like one of these highly compacted towels that fit into your shirt pocket - but when you add water, they slowly expand to be a 6'x3' bath sheet.... If you have these feelings - bizarre as it may sound - it's because you're nurturing them.... Quit that, now, before they run away with you..... 2
BeautyRush Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I highly agree with you Tara. After 7 months of NC with my previous ex (whom I had the hardest time moving on that I practically couldn't function for more than 3 months), he contacted me to get most of his stuffs he left in my unit. Few hours of seeing and talking to him ( Mind you, I was doing pretty well then. I workout daily and had been doing boxing training intensively), I was literally begging him for more time. I knew then I didn't want us to be together because he went back to his ex and she was pregnant already. I didn't know where those emotions came from but I was so crushed and back to square one. I became alcoholic for a month! Whew! I was too messed up that I would hit the gym every late afternoon (daily) and went straight to the bar to get wasted and went home around 10pm-12md! and yes, that's everyday for more than a month! Lesson Learned: Never EVER look back!
Stanza Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I have the feeilng that in this meeting with her, there was nothing new or different about her that would make you think: YES, we could start over and it would work and be new and different. It sounds like you're sensing it will still have the issues it had when you were together before....I don't know why you broke up but unless the reasons are gone...
Author TheDovic Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 @Taramaiden you've hit the nail on the head, thanks! I suppose when she called to get her things I made myself available so it was my fault. Then I have been thinking about her and listening to sad songs and stuff so I'll have to stop that. Thanks for your input! @Beautyrush thanks for being so honest with me. How are you doing now, and what snapped you out of thinking about him??? @Stanza I have MASSIVE reservations and if I ever took her back I would be miserable. Think that's what's so frustrating cos Im feeling sad but I know I couldnt ever take her back!!
Stanza Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Maybe you're going to have to tell her..... that way both of you get closure and can move on and away from it...?
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 No, in my opinion, it's best to leave it... don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she rattled your cage... rise above it, and focus on your new, beautiful young lady... take each day as it comes, work at it, be kind, and give her the attention she deserves. And DO tell her about the visit - but ask her to keep it to herself, if she can - you don't want to feed ex-GF's ego.... you have no interest there.... However, tell her that if your ex/her sister bring(s) it up, she will at least be able to act nonchalant and shrug it off, as "yeh... so?" 1
edelveis Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 i think she learned about the date and felt like losing her power on you..she felt insecure and that you have moved on and showed up to ruin it..dont let this happen and forget it!you are doing great. 1
Author TheDovic Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 @ Taramaiden I think you are right in leaving it, but also telling my new girl. I don't want her in my life at all and feel if I spoke to her she would know that it affected me and might try and push harder to come back into my life which I have to avoid at all costs for my own sanity! @ Edelveis thanks for the comment. I think you are right in saying she came back to sabotage me. I suppose it is easy to block someone out when they are not in your life, but given that I am dating someone she knows it will be more difficult for her. I don't want to make things difficult for her but I like my new girl and don't want to stop seeing her just to suit my ex!
Crila16 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 The ex doesn't want you, she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. 2
robkris8079 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 The ex doesn't want you, she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. I agree with this. I'm going through similar right now. I'm not going back. I deserve to be happy and frankly she can not do that for me. She already had her shot. From now on the only thing I will be to her is the person she compares all other relationships to. I have a person in my life that has the potential to make me happy and has not hurt me one bit. This is probably the only reason my ex came back. Move forward and don't look back is my opinion.
Chi townD Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 The ex doesn't want you, she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. I, also, agree with this. It shows her that you're moving on with your life. That she isn't important to you anymore. That she got replaced. She pulled on the leash and discovered that the dog isn't there anymore. She went looking for the dog. She'd rather have you pining for her than moving on.
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