Mimi99 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I've posted before on the cheating/flirting sub-forum, but thought I'd get better advice here since it's no longer a flirting/cheating situation. I was dating this guy for a month and things were perfect up until a little incident where he asked for my friends number and started texting her. I confronted him about it and he said it was all innocent and he just thought she was cool. Anyway, things were different after our conversation. He started getting distant. Telling me that he's super busy with work. I beileved him for a while, but it got to a point where we went from seeing each other almost everday to once a week. Last time I saw him, he called me at 2am saying he has to see me (AKA botty call). I saw him, things seemed normal. He then disappears on me. Didn't call for 3 days. I texted and called him but there was no response so I changed my number. I admit changing my number was a little bit too dramatic, but I had to do it so I don't have to sit here wondering if he'll ever call me and worry myself sick. My question to whomever had the patience to read this (thanks for reading by the way) is - I really want to know what happened to make him change like this, how do I find out? He told me that he's a straightforward person and will tell a woman to her face if he's not interested. I'm just so confused about the whole situation.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I think you should have given up on the guy as soon as he got your friends number and started chatting with her after only one month. That's a very obvious and apparent sign of a man who doesn't just have eyes for you. He basically used you and strung you along...he doesn't appear to have been all that interested up to the point where seeing you and sexing you up was becoming a bit dull. So he switched you to more of a FWB type situation, of course you sit around like a fool saying nothing and just going along with and then he calls you up one night and you agree to let him have you so he just drops his level of respect even more for you. Men don't respect women who don't respect themselves, the more you let the get away with and neglect you the more they'll do it and push the limit seeing what you'll eventually settle for. He came on strong in the beginning because you were a new vagina and any man can have the interest to sustain a month with a woman...some men with just about anyone so this whole "perfect" scenario was just him indulging you a bit since you were satisfying his needs. Any guy can lie to you and tell you what kind of guy and who he is, but you'd be an absolute fool to trust in that rather than read the writing on the wall and what's actually taking place...what men say you should let go in one ear and out there other until they earn your trust and are consistent and invested, otherwise it's just blowing smoke up your butt to get you to open up and give them what they want from you. Bottom line is he's not that interested in you...found a nice hotter replacement or just something newer and more entertaining. He's not busy he's just not willing to make time for you because you're not priority. there's no confusion here, you're just not seeing the game and want to believe it was something more than what it is, obviously if he can back off like this he wasn't as emotionally invested as you thought he was, and that speaks more than words ever could. There is no good explanation, you didn't do anything wrong, he just knew how far he was willing to invest with you and reach that point. 3
RedRobin Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I'm not a fan of 'shaming' women (or anyone) who sincerely tries to trust someone. Although, the other poster's style is to be on the 'tough love' side. Mine is too. I get it... but you don't need to be kicked when your down, GF. You aren't the jerk or idiot here... the guy is. Or he's just a coward. Either way, doesn't matter. If you've conducted yourself with integrity, you have nothing to be ashamed about. At all. Also, I personally am rather sick of hearing any kind of crap admonishing women like we are supposed to be men's babysitters. We aren't. (ok, stepping off of soapbox). The thing is... when you (man or woman) go in head first to anything... (or genitals first, as it were)... there are always risks. If you are ok with those risks, then fine. For your own sake though, OP, you will need to read the signs earlier of people (a man in this case) who are not reliable. I'm betting there were other things he did prior to this incident with the texting your friend where he wasn't on the up and up... right? Please don't waste even ONE more second feeling bad about yourself or wondering about this or that guy being interested or not interested...blah blah. It doesn't really matter. Use that energy to make sure you read the signs earlier and send the assorted Mr. Texty-times politely on their way... Focus instead on the actions and behaviors you need to see in order to feel cared about and valued. Focus on constructive ways you can make those needs known. Stick to your own personal values (whatever they are)... and just realize that not every one is going to go along with them... let them go on their way as quickly as possible so you can be available to someone who WILL value you. ... and about changing your number. If it doesn't cause to much disruption in your life, that's not a bad idea... especially if you've had a hard time sticking to your boundaries in the past. You'll need to come up with other ways in the future to manage that... because you'll get tired of changing your number whenever you or a guy decides it isn't working.
Author Mimi99 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 Thanks so much for the advice. I really appreciate it. I feel so much better. Yes I was definetly strung along. I have to do a better job with reading men I'm dating.
zanesfan Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Mimi, Mimi, Mimi.. where do I begin? This is wrong in every way. Changing your number was not dramatic at all. Sometimes we have to do that to protect our feelings. However I do agree with everyone here, cut him off! This man clearly is only concerned with himself. I was in your boat too so I understand how you feel. Things will never change with him. The dynamics of this relationship will never be what you want. He is showing you everything you need to know about him. He doesnt have to say a word. His actions says it all. Keep him out of your life for good. Its only been a month, so hopefully you can quickly recover from this. Take care!
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