Author sofrustrated25 Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 A long time ago a counselor told me when I was truly ready to file I would know. Tonight I felt like I knew but I instantly got sick to my stomach and scared to death about it. Even divorced this is not going to be easy. Not at all. I just don't know where the relief lies... You know? Through my sons eyes I will be so sad...
CC12 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 A long time ago a counselor told me when I was truly ready to file I would know. Tonight I felt like I knew but I instantly got sick to my stomach and scared to death about it. That's understandable. It's a major life decision that will lead to a major change, and that's almost always scary. For a moment, forget about the fear and the sick feeling - pretend that doesn't exist for you - would you still want to leave him? Even divorced this is not going to be easy. Not at all. I just don't know where the relief lies... You know? Through my sons eyes I will be so sad... What about filing for divorce and bankruptcy? I don't really know how that would work, or if it could, but it seems like it would be very helpful to start off with a clean slate in both areas. Have you looked into that or do you know anything about how that might work? Edit: As for your son, put on a brave face. Try not to let your emotions affect him.
Author sofrustrated25 Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 That would be my plan. Filing bankruptcy and divorce. It would make life a lot easier for our son and me. And the other thing is I don't know how my husband will react when he finds out for once... He can't manipulate me. Last time we nearly separated. ... I look back and realize how conniving he was and how untrue his statements were. He made 75k a year at that time in tx and told me he would never see our son because he wouldn't be able to afford anything more than a studio apt. He was just obnoxious and the pain was so sever for me... I backed off. I can't imagine how he might behave when he finally realizes I transformed into a strong woman. Do I still love him? I don't know. I wish I knew the real answer. I don't wasn't to touch or kiss him. My other thread will tell you about that.
CC12 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 And the other thing is I don't know how my husband will react when he finds out for once... He can't manipulate me. Meh. Worry about things you actually have control over. You can't predict or influence the way he chooses to react. Let him have his reaction. Just be absolutely determined to stick to your guns, no matter what he says or does. Last time we nearly separated. ... I look back and realize how conniving he was and how untrue his statements were. He made 75k a year at that time in tx and told me he would never see our son because he wouldn't be able to afford anything more than a studio apt. He was just obnoxious and the pain was so sever for me... I backed off. Where the **** does he get this? The more you post about him, the more I dislike him. 75k per year in Texas, and he'd never ever see his son again? Honest question here, does he genuinely not really grasp the concept of money and how much things cost? Or is that just him being overly dramatic again because he thinks it will make you shut up about it already? It's one or the other, as far as I'm concerned. Which one do you think it is? 1
Author sofrustrated25 Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 I hear ya. When I was in Texas I thought he was being genuinely ignorant. But now.., 1 year later... I truly believe that he was/is being overly dramatic. It's manipulation... At least that's what I think at this point.
Radu Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 That would be my plan. Filing bankruptcy and divorce. It would make life a lot easier for our son and me. And the other thing is I don't know how my husband will react when he finds out for once... He can't manipulate me. Last time we nearly separated. ... I look back and realize how conniving he was and how untrue his statements were. He made 75k a year at that time in tx and told me he would never see our son because he wouldn't be able to afford anything more than a studio apt. He was just obnoxious and the pain was so sever for me... I backed off. This is why you need to file. If you stay, this man and this relationship will serve as a rolemodel to your son, especially at this impressionable age. If you file for D, you can give your son both a good college future [by saving and what not], and a good example of a stable person in terms of finances and behaviour in relationships. I can't imagine how he might behave when he finally realizes I transformed into a strong woman. He will pout, he will victimize himself, if that doesn't work he will try get his daddy and mommy to convince you, than hit where it hurt 'stable home for our son', and then try to delay the whole process. I'm also a bit manipulative in my interactions with ppl [some abuse in my childhoor], so that's what i would do. Do I still love him? I don't know. I wish I knew the real answer. I don't wasn't to touch or kiss him. My other thread will tell you about that. For women, love and sex is generally very well linked. And to love, they need to respect the guy. The guy needs to have some qualities that she admires. Sometimes these qualities are faked, and when the woman discovers this, she is willing to project those qualities on the guy for the continuation of the relationship, she becomes apologetic [it can happen with guys too when they are with women like your husband]. I believe you have gotten to the point where you are projecting to fool your conscious mind [though it is waking up], but not enough to fool your primal instincts ... which is why you lost your lust for him. There's a quote in my bio, 'the map is not the territory'. It can be interpreted like our perception of reality is never reality. We can strive to improve our perception of reality, but it will never match the real one, the neutral one. We all walk around with our own realities, they are filters that allow only certain things that conform with our perception to seep through. Some ppl have stronger realities than others, their realities refuse to bend to others. Some ppl have weak realities. Manipulative ppl have strong realities, they pull ppl in, and the ppl that come in change their reality to that of the manipulator. This is why abuse victims excuse their abusers. This is why you accepted his outrageous motive of '75k is not enough for a studio apartment, you will leave me homeless'; this is why you accepted the wal-mart victimization. Your reality is starting to be independent of his though, like a child's when they get into their teens. Normal ppl will allow for such things to happen, because they are self-secure in them. He will try to prevent this, as he tried in the past. Pls, for the sake of your son, do not allow him to win.
Author sofrustrated25 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) I really wish that I could say that I had the anger that was fueling my determination yesterday, but it’s pretty much gone.* I back to being more worried about what it would be like to be alone again – as a single parent.* * I DID talk to my husband this morning and tell him that I just don’t feel good about our relationship right now because I don’t see him as a valid teammate when he keeps throwing out “I’ll sweep floors overnights” solutions. *Obviously – that’s just ridiculous. *He didn’t say much at all.* He just kind of glared at me.* I offered up the idea of letting my car go in the bankruptcy and then just buy a beater – and he said no.** He thought it wasn’t worth it.* It’s just tough --- I know that if I file – our pressures will be released and life would be back to “normal”.** * We would be able to afford to live in our current house etc.** But,* you know I talk all the time to people who are big thinkers – smart business folks and it makes me feel resentful over my husband.* He IS smart – he’s just not offering solutions.* He doesn’t have a long term vision.* * I don’t even know how good “I” would be at any of this on my own.* But, at least I WANT to try….* He is nice to me. Like I said he is trying... But he didn't even aske about the bankruptcy attorney meeting. And tonight he said he had to work late. I said I would use my dinner break to watch our son. (I work til midnight tonight) and I called him when he said he'd be home. No answer. He just called and said he is just leaving. I was supposed to be back at work 45 minutes ago. I'm going to be total 1:45 min late to work. He said "he lost track of time". Edited August 30, 2012 by sofrustrated25
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