the ill-made knight Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 So I've been seeing this new guy for about a month. We've only gone on a few dates since we live a bit apart. After our last date, about a week and a half ago, we called and chatted, but the next day when I tried to get in contact with him he didn't answer and didn't call me back. I called him later in the week last week and still didn't get an answer and didn't get a call back. At that point, I was thinking this guy was a lost cause so I deleted his number. Well, he calls me today [a little over a week since last contact] and apologizes and says he's been preoccupied with some personal matters. I feel extremely unwilling to accept his apology. I really liked this guy, but I really dislike my calls not being returned for so long especially since we had tentative plans for another date last week. In short, I'm thinking about writing this guy off over this. Am I overreacting? Things are still "new" and we didn't technically have definite plans for last week, but I don't appreciate being prioritized so lowly either [i mean a week later? really?].
8mia8 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I personally don't see a problem since you've only been on a few dates and I don't need much contact to see secure. However, if you're the kind of person that needs more contact from someone, and since you're asking here it seems to be that way, then you should probably move on.
ja123 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I would feel the same as you do. No, I don't think that you're overreacting. However, if you did get on with him, maybe a second chance is worth considering; but, perhaps, you could say that you're busy for the next while and he could call you in two weeks time to set something up. If he's truly interested, then he'll call you again. If he still takes a week to return your calls after that, then move on. If he doesn't call, then you'll have your answer.
cheshire_cat Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Personally I would move on. Even though it's still early on and his "personal matters" excuse could be valid, you attempted to contact him twice and it took him over a week to respond. That would not fly with me. Especially if you had somewhat tentative plans to hang out. Granted they weren't definite but still...there could at least have been a quick text saying "hey, saw you called...i'm dealing with somethings at the moment but will call you back as soon as I can." That takes all of 15 seconds. 2
Author the ill-made knight Posted August 25, 2012 Author Posted August 25, 2012 I feel conflicted because I do really like him and before this I thought things were going very well. I don't think it bothers me so much that he didn't contact me, but it's more so the fact I contacted him and then he didn't return my call for so long. It's also a consideration that we had tentative plans and he sort of just dropped off the map. When I say tentative too they were extremely tentative. We hadn't named a day, but discussed getting together again sometime last week. I really thought this was just a case of "he's just not that into you", but then he calls with an apology for his delay in getting in contact and expressed his interest in me. We didn't talk at length since he was on his way to work, but he said we'd talk after he left work so I guess we'll see if he calls then. I feel too as if some of this may ride upon exactly what 'personal matters' kept him from calling.
ja123 Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 It's important to keep your head on your shoulders right now. Try to be neutral a take a detached approach, so you can better see the situation. That means, don't make excuses for him (i.e., his personal matters), and don't project your desire of needing to be loved on him. You don't know enough about the situation, yet.
writergal Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I have to agree with the poster cheshire_cat. Doesn't matter how long you two have known each other where communication is concerned. If he was really interested, he wouldn't have waited a week to return your call. And I believe his "personal matters" is b.s. because seriously, what exactly takes an entire week to deal with, where no communication is possible. It's a huge red flag. His interest has waned and as the book and movie title go, "he's just not that into you." If a man's interested in you, he's calling you. He doesn't wait a week to return your call if he really likes you, regardless of how long you two have known each other. Move on. Find a guy who will return your calls within a reasonable time. 1
dropdeadredtx Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I would feel the same as you do. No, I don't think that you're overreacting. However, if you did get on with him, maybe a second chance is worth considering; but, perhaps, you could say that you're busy for the next while and he could call you in two weeks time to set something up. If he's truly interested, then he'll call you again. If he still takes a week to return your calls after that, then move on. If he doesn't call, then you'll have your answer. No reason to do this and add more game-playing to the mix. Obviously you are not his first priority, or even his 5th; if you are okay with that, see him again. My guess is that he is multi-dating, as are most of us in the initial stages, anyway, and that his first-round draft pick didn't work out. 1
writergal Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 ^Exactly. Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option. You are not a priority to this guy, OP. I agree that in this early stage, he's probably multi-dating. Or whatever his other commitments are, you're not at the top of his list. If a guy I went out on a few dates with took a week to return my call, I'd "next" him asap.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I feel conflicted because I do really like him and before this I thought things were going very well. I don't think it bothers me so much that he didn't contact me, but it's more so the fact I contacted him and then he didn't return my call for so long. It's also a consideration that we had tentative plans and he sort of just dropped off the map. When I say tentative too they were extremely tentative. We hadn't named a day, but discussed getting together again sometime last week. I really thought this was just a case of "he's just not that into you", but then he calls with an apology for his delay in getting in contact and expressed his interest in me. We didn't talk at length since he was on his way to work, but he said we'd talk after he left work so I guess we'll see if he calls then. I feel too as if some of this may ride upon exactly what 'personal matters' kept him from calling. I think it's quite ridiculous that you're already bending backwards and making excuses for this guy so you can come to terms to how he blew you off for an entire week...a week that he vaguely defined as personal matters which mean he could have been banging an ex, multiple other women or who knows what. You really like this guy but do you think that that's reason enough to forgive someone for failing in the beginning? what do you think he's going to do in the future if he's blowing off plans with someone he's supposedly supposed to be into at this point? If you can read the writing on that wall then you almost deserve whats coming to you sad to say, this whole forgiving business is a recipe for disaster especially when the guy is showing his true colors yet a few words is supposed to simply fix the situation...could you look like any more of a pushover? He really just isn't that into you...how long that'll take for you to figure out is up to you, guys don't neglect women they are truly interested in them, they neglect women they see as expendable but find out the hard way if you must. 2
RedRobin Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 (edited) So I've been seeing this new guy for about a month. We've only gone on a few dates since we live a bit apart. After our last date, about a week and a half ago, we called and chatted, but the next day when I tried to get in contact with him he didn't answer and didn't call me back. I called him later in the week last week and still didn't get an answer and didn't get a call back. At that point, I was thinking this guy was a lost cause so I deleted his number. Well, he calls me today [a little over a week since last contact] and apologizes and says he's been preoccupied with some personal matters. I feel extremely unwilling to accept his apology. I really liked this guy, but I really dislike my calls not being returned for so long especially since we had tentative plans for another date last week. In short, I'm thinking about writing this guy off over this. Am I overreacting? Things are still "new" and we didn't technically have definite plans for last week, but I don't appreciate being prioritized so lowly either [i mean a week later? really?]. Ask him what he has in mind to do... If it sounds like something fun and interesting, then why not? I wouldn't invest any emotional energy in the guy though... and don't be having sex with the guy... that's for sure. He put himself in the doghouse for awhile with that slick move... but that doesn't mean you can't go out and enjoy yourself with the guy. Maybe even make a new friend (cause that is where the guy would be headed in MY world... ). FYI... Alot of people multi-date. Best to figure this out in the beginning. You could always ask if he is multi-dating and give this a chance to proceed more openly and honestly... that is... if you are ok with multi-dating. He's not exactly lying that he had to attend to 'personal matters'. This is just the dating juggle (or JUNGLE, as it were). Time to have an open and frank conversation about your mutual goals and dating styles... or just let him drop. Edited August 25, 2012 by RedRobin 1
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