BewitchedandBothered Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I took some time to find myself. Found myself at the gym, improving my mental and physical well-being and enjoying peace of mind. Took up running and lots of other things. This morning, I checked my emails and was SHOCKED to have found an email from my ex. It's been almost 2 years and when it ended, it ended BADLY. i was almost afraid to open it, but morbid curiosity had me do so. It was a very short email saying he hopes I'm doing well and that it's been a long time. I am at a peaceful place now and have no hatred toward him; just indifference. I sent an email back saying I'm doing well and thank you/hope you are as well. And left it at that. When I started posting here, i would have been happy to have gotten an email---my Ego needed it back then. I don't have that Ego hang up anymore; I learned it doesn't serve me. It's been awhile since I've posted on here, but wanted to give those who know my story the update. For those who worry "will he/she ever contact me again?"--chances are, yes, when you're not feeling anything anymore and you no longer are in that place where you wish revenge on them. 5
winstonsdreams Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Funny that's how it usually works, it's only once we no longer care do we hear from them again. Kind of sad, but it is good that you have released your anger for this person. We really can all move on eventually. 1
CopingGal Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Hey B and B, Glad you are doing so well. Miss you. 1
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Funny that's how it usually works, it's only once we no longer care do we hear from them again. Kind of sad, but it is good that you have released your anger for this person. We really can all move on eventually. His contacting me isn't what I thought it would be; YAWN, LOL:) I do feel blessed that all that pain is gone. It had to eke itself out of my system on its own; there is no timeline. I still see people asking when will the pain go away; it will end when it ends. Moving on is a definite if we allow time to do its job:)
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Hey B and B, Glad you are doing so well. Miss you.I've been at peace; health has improved--never thought I would get to this point. A friend of mine said "Wow; you were certainly on his mind first thing in the morning for him to email you." Truth? This is what he does when he gets bored or something's wrong in the relationship he's in. When things started getting strange with him, I found out he emailed exes randomly asking how they were/wishing them well. He must be bored, or something isn't right. All I can do is wish him well and thank my lucky stars I didn't end up with him; we weren't compatible--his behavior literally was dizzying. Hope all is well with you!!! 2
CopingGal Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Hope all is well with you!!! I've had a lot of emotional setbacks and depression lately, but I still remain NC. I've been straight NC for almost 5 months now and have no intention on breaking NC. I went on an online dating service...not to date, just to start talking to men again and I couldn't do it. It was too painful. I had to delete my account. It's been a year since I dumped his pathetic a$$, but the damage he inflicted on me was too great. I'm not even ready to be friends with a man. I'm okay with that. I'm just giving time, time. I've come so far in my healing, but I have a long, long way to go.
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 I've had a lot of emotional setbacks and depression lately, but I still remain NC. I've been straight NC for almost 5 months now and have no intention on breaking NC. I went on an online dating service...not to date, just to start talking to men again and I couldn't do it. It was too painful. I had to delete my account. It's been a year since I dumped his pathetic a$$, but the damage he inflicted on me was too great. I'm not even ready to be friends with a man. I'm okay with that. I'm just giving time, time. I've come so far in my healing, but I have a long, long way to go. One day you will wake up and not feel this anymore. You will be indifferent to it. 5 months of NC on your part is great!!! Keep on that track. you know there is no reason to contact him. Abusers keep on abusing. You would only be inviting the pain back if you do. You know this person, you know what would happen if you broke NC. Trust me when I say it will get better. Allow yourself a day to feel sad, but no more than that. you have things in life you need to take care of and it doesn't involve him. He inflicted damage and has nothing that can help you heal. Keep moving in the other direction of positive things. Getting on the dating site is too soon. you're not ready for that just yet. Can you join a group in your community? How about taking a Zumba class or Yoga or some other fun thing:) Make this all about YOU:) He has no place in your existence; he is insignificant to you. You went through quite a situation with your ex, but don't' let it beat you.
Coffee20 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Hello, hello! so glad to hear about you again and congratulations to the place where you are! I have been still waiting for this moment .... have a nice day
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Hello, hello! so glad to hear about you again and congratulations to the place where you are! I have been still waiting for this moment .... have a nice day Hi there!!! I needed to get off this site for awhile and clear my head; took some great advice with me and just went about my days. All of a sudden, I found myself too busy to think of my situation and then I felt no more pain; I let it go, or rather, it just kind of let itself go, LOL!!!! It will happen; you have to focus on you and things you need to do for yourself. I had to take measure to improve myself; had been in recovery from an illness when I started on these boards to begin with and knew if I didn't nip that in the bud things would get worse. As long as you take care of YOU, you'll do fine:)
Coffee20 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Hi there!!! I needed to get off this site for awhile and clear my head; took some great advice with me and just went about my days. All of a sudden, I found myself too busy to think of my situation and then I felt no more pain; I let it go, or rather, it just kind of let itself go, LOL!!!! It will happen; you have to focus on you and things you need to do for yourself. I had to take measure to improve myself; had been in recovery from an illness when I started on these boards to begin with and knew if I didn't nip that in the bud things would get worse. As long as you take care of YOU, you'll do fine:) HMM THANKS, I decided that I would take some time off from loveshack, maybe for three months, too. I spent a lot of time here, read a lot of stories and it made me feel better but only for a while. But I hope I will be able to ignore my ex completely, even after 2 years, because I want to see him as a complete stranger, still I know he will never contact me I guess he will maybe one day tell me something and I have to (for my own good) play that I don't know him at all. I have liked him since I was 20 and yes I was able to be secretly in love with him for one year before we started to date. So I know there will be always a chance that I will fall in love again. I wish you good luck ;-)
LostJustLost Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 This gives me hope, I so desperately want.. no, need to find that calm strength your words hold. I was beginning to think it wasnt out there any more.
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 This gives me hope, I so desperately want.. no, need to find that calm strength your words hold. I was beginning to think it wasnt out there any more. It will happen; it can't be forced and don't listen to anyone who tells you to 'get over it, already". Don't you wish you could do so on command like that? Let something go that's painful? It has to go away when it's ready, in its own time and time will do that for you. Every day is one day closer to feeling better and stronger and each day adds up to your bank of happiness. It IS out there, just take one day at a time, cry it out, but try not to get too deep into the sadness all the time. Cry, then carry on. Cry again, then carry on. Pretty soon, you won't feel like crying anymore and you will begin to wonder what in heck you saw in your ex in the first place.
Exit Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Good to hear from you B&B. For those hoping to reach the same level of healing, listen to what she says, it will come. Can't be forced, most times it can't really even be sped up, some day it just comes. 1
kindest Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I know how this feels. I'm already in that place with my ex from a year and a half ago. Long story short, we met 5 years ago, started a relationship, didn't work out. Went NC for 3 years, found each other again, got back together, and AGAIN it didn't work out. I was devastated for a few months but I got over it. We are no longer in each other's lives but I could not care less whether we meet again or not. Probably because I already had the feeling that it wouldn't work out anyway... and I met my most recent ex, who at the time I felt saved me. Well...... We broke up too, it has been 6 months, and I am still hurting from this most recent breakup because we only stopped talking a few weeks ago. So I'm not in that place with this ex. I don't know if I will ever be in that place. The last time we talked was 18 days ago through IM and I ended it by telling him that maybe in the future we can be friends again. I'm not sure though. I do miss him and sincerely wish that we could be in each other's lives even as friends, but right now I just don't think I can handle it. I'm going out this Friday and one of my friends is introducing me to someone, a potential date. I know I'm not ready for anything serious yet but I'm in that place where I just want to meet as many people as I can to take my mind off the ex.
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 I know how this feels. I'm already in that place with my ex from a year and a half ago. Long story short, we met 5 years ago, started a relationship, didn't work out. Went NC for 3 years, found each other again, got back together, and AGAIN it didn't work out. I was devastated for a few months but I got over it. We are no longer in each other's lives but I could not care less whether we meet again or not. Probably because I already had the feeling that it wouldn't work out anyway... and I met my most recent ex, who at the time I felt saved me. Well...... We broke up too, it has been 6 months, and I am still hurting from this most recent breakup because we only stopped talking a few weeks ago. So I'm not in that place with this ex. I don't know if I will ever be in that place. The last time we talked was 18 days ago through IM and I ended it by telling him that maybe in the future we can be friends again. I'm not sure though. I do miss him and sincerely wish that we could be in each other's lives even as friends, but right now I just don't think I can handle it. I'm going out this Friday and one of my friends is introducing me to someone, a potential date. I know I'm not ready for anything serious yet but I'm in that place where I just want to meet as many people as I can to take my mind off the ex. You could be in the middle of Times Square on New Years Eve and no matter how many peeps you run into, your mind isn't going to be off your ex. It does get you out of the house, but if your heart is still in a certain way, it's going to be that way until it's not that way anymore. It's all within yourself; self discovery, well being and health.I found that adopting a dog from a shelter and getting seriously back into gardening was a step in the right direction--not relying on other people to help me forget about the ex. Dabbled in Buddhism as well--get out there and have fun, but the mind will drift to a certain someone until it's ready to let go.
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