outofgoodbyes Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 quick background. we were great friends for a year. dated for 3 mos. after 3 mos he says he doesnt want me as a gf but loves me a as a friend. i wanted him as a bf, i was devastated and 2 weeks post breakup, i kept making excuses to stick around until he reaalllly made it clear hes not into me like that. so i started nc. told him not to contact me anymore. he says ok he understands and hopes we can be friends again someday. he writes on his profile status "i miss you friend". he likes all my pictures on instagram. he likes all my statuses on fb. and then he writes on his status "take your time, take all the time you need, i hope to be friends soon, i miss you..." and this gets me all emo... so i delete him from my facebook so i dont have to see his status, i delete him from my ig and put it on private so he cant like anything and remind me of his existence... and then i find myself asking - why cant i be friends with him again? i am seeing someone new and its going well... i know for a fact it could never work between me and my ex because hes emotionally unavailable so i would never go back... its just that i feel like i miss my friend who i used to go to disneyland with and just screw around with and talked about everything with... hmmmmm advise please... im still currently in nc but very tempted and idk why!!
8mia8 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 If you are truly over him, then there's no reason you can't be. How long has it been since you broke up? If he somehow because emotionally available, would you be interested in him? Just because you are with someone else and you know it'd never work out, doesn't necessary mean you are over him. Look close and hard within yourself first.
TaraMaiden Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 You can only ever be friends with him once you yourself have reached the level of "benign Indifference" You're happy for them, but frankly, what they're doing, who they're with, and when you're in touch with them, really doesn't matter at all, and is no big deal. If you have even an inkling of feelings for him, even the tiniest bit of heart-break-yearning - then it's a no-go. And remember - once he has a GF, you will have to fall off his radar. Current GFs don't like or trust 'friendships' with ex-GFs.... 1
k100danny Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 If you can't be friends then you aren't over them fully, even though you are in a new relationship. If you did truly believe that it could never work between you two and you were over him then being friends would be easy.. A year ago I dated one of my closest friends for a couple of months, before this we spoke everyday, told each other everything and had known each other for 15 years. It very quickly became apparent that we just werent a good match for each other and we wouldnt work long term. I thought i would never be friends with her again, felt my heart had been ripped out, blamed myself and lost a lot of self esteem ect but after not speaking to her for around 4-5 months I contacted her again and said I was sorry I hadn't been in touch or replied but i had to move on, we met up again and the first time was slightly awkward, me being with someone new and her also but very quickly we became the closest of friends again. She speaks to me about her relationship and I spoke to her about the one i have just come out of and we offered each other advice. Her new relationship seems to be going great and I am really happy for her, they have spoke about the future and children ect and she has even said that if she does have a child she would like me to be a god parent to them. I know she loves me in a friends way and we have a close bond. I used to regret us ever getting together but i would say it has actualy made us better friends, that little thing of either of us thinking maybe we could be a couple has now gone as weve tried this so now we can just be true friends to each other.
Chi townD Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I agree. You can be friends as long as there's no romantic feelings for him what-so-ever. Just because we preach NC doesn't mean we mean forever! Just until those intense feelings are gone and you can look at him with nothing more than an indifferent friendship. 1
ssmith3427 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 What happens when the breakup is not mutual and one person loves the other so much, but the other person does not love them back, so the breakup is instigated 100% by the person not in love? Is there still a possiblilty of a friendship, or will there always be resentment there?
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