irc333 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I think this is where a man tends to really be on thin ice when pursuing a woman. I have a friend of mine, good looking, doing pretty well in life, very intelligent, etc. He'd get women's numbers and call them, and sometimes women would even make the suggestion of "getting together" , and sometimes make firm plans doing so with him. Well, typically he calls, leave messages, and then they never call back..then he moves on. From the female perspective these women have stated that they were disappointed when he didn't call a 2nd nor 3rd time to get a hold of them, even though they were deliberately avoiding him or blowing him off. Is it true, how many women here will let a guy call her 2 or 3 times, before you return his call? They actually expected the guy, as they put, to put in a LITTLE more effort in being "stalkerish" (THEY didn't use that word,but I just used it to make apoint)
Author irc333 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 Apparently, it's how some women have now acquired their current long term boyfriends.
USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 This might be a ploy of the girl to see just how much she can artificially raise her "value" to the guy...or at least the perception of that value. The more he "tries," the more valuable she'll feel she is to him. But instead, she's cast aside as just another number, as she should be. 1
Author irc333 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 This might be a ploy of the girl to see just how much she can artificially raise her "value" to the guy...or at least the perception of that value. The more he "tries," the more valuable she'll feel she is to him. But instead, she's cast aside as just another number, as she should be. Yeah, playing such games to see if the guy makes the "effort" to pursue her, is a poor choice in judgement, and quite inaccurate.
Mrlonelyone Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Your friend does not like to play games and these women do. It's a compatibility thing. The sad part is, since most men and women play games he's probably not going to do well. Lots of people enjoy the chase much more than the catch.
KatZee Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I think this is where a man tends to really be on thin ice when pursuing a woman. I have a friend of mine, good looking, doing pretty well in life, very intelligent, etc. He'd get women's numbers and call them, and sometimes women would even make the suggestion of "getting together" , and sometimes make firm plans doing so with him. Well, typically he calls, leave messages, and then they never call back..then he moves on. From the female perspective these women have stated that they were disappointed when he didn't call a 2nd nor 3rd time to get a hold of them, even though they were deliberately avoiding him or blowing him off. Is it true, how many women here will let a guy call her 2 or 3 times, before you return his call? They actually expected the guy, as they put, to put in a LITTLE more effort in being "stalkerish" (THEY didn't use that word,but I just used it to make apoint) Oh my god, If I'm seriously into a guy, and he calls, I most certainly don't wait 2-3 days to get back to him. I actually sit on pins and needles and will go maybe like 10-15 minutes, so it doesn't look like I was just waiting on the call... but yeah, a guy I'm into will hear from me very soon after. Those who wait 2-3 days and expect the guy to chase like a dog after a bone are just game players, and most likely hold completely unrealistic expectations from that guy. 2
USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Oh my god, If I'm seriously into a guy, and he calls, I most certainly don't wait 2-3 days to get back to him. I actually sit on pins and needles and will go maybe like 10-15 minutes, so it doesn't look like I was just waiting on the call... but yeah, a guy I'm into will hear from me very soon after. Those who wait 2-3 days and expect the guy to chase like a dog after a bone are just game players, and most likely hold completely unrealistic expectations from that guy. Great point. They're either game players, or they're not all that interested in him...either way, both cases show a clear lack of interest. I'm not really a fan of trying to make someone who isn't interested interested. No one is worth that effort. Notice in the OP, "these women have stated that they were disappointed when he didn't call a 2nd nor 3rd time to get a hold of them." The women didn't say, "oh, I really liked him but he didn't call after I blew him off the first time..."
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I don't know, I think some women don't like guys who give up easily. I'm one of those types who will give up as soon as I'm given the opportunity to. Keeps life simple I guess.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Yes, some women want a man who is persistent. Some men want a woman who can cook. Some women want a man who is tall. Some men want a woman who is slender. The list can go on and on. Isn't all of this common knowledge? Why does every individual preference need its own thread?
USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I don't know, I think some women don't like guys who give up easily. This is merely an assessment from a single perspective; namely the perspective of the woman. She says the man is "giving up" as a boost to her own ego, i.e., it's the man's "fault" for "giving up." Whereas the reality is the man is freeing himself to engage other, more viable opportunities.
USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Isn't all of this common knowledge? Well it's certainly not scientific fact. BB/ToA/SR hasn't weighed in yet. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 This is merely an assessment from a single perspective; namely the perspective of the woman. She says the man is "giving up" as a boost to her own ego, i.e., it's the man's "fault" for "giving up." Whereas the reality is the man is freeing himself to engage other, more viable opportunities. Also, the OP states "the female perspective," but I have serious doubts that the OP or the "happening" guy he's talking about actually heard any women "stating" what is claimed. In my extensive experience, a woman who doesn't return a man's phone call is indeed "deliberately avoiding him or blowing him off," NOT to play games but because they don't want to talk to him or see him. So the post quoted above can be pertinent regarding the perspective of the man, too. He is likely to be claiming that what "typically" happens is because the women are "game players" rather than not really interested in him. I mean, really. Regardless, being pursued with persistence is a good feeling, if you like the guy. Of course, if you like him you are unlikely to blow him off and avoid him. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 This is merely an assessment from a single perspective; namely the perspective of the woman. She says the man is "giving up" as a boost to her own ego, i.e., it's the man's "fault" for "giving up." Whereas the reality is the man is freeing himself to engage other, more viable opportunities. I don't know if that's always true. Sometimes he's giving up because he realizes that while no other opportunities currently exist, this particular well is dry and not worth pursuing any further.
RedRobin Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Well, typically he calls, leave messages, and then they never call back..then he moves on. Sounds smart of him. The women who expect him to make endless calls without returning one are idiots. 1
Chicago_Guy Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Great point. They're either game players, or they're not all that interested in him...either way, both cases show a clear lack of interest. I'm not really a fan of trying to make someone who isn't interested interested. No one is worth that effort. Notice in the OP, "these women have stated that they were disappointed when he didn't call a 2nd nor 3rd time to get a hold of them." The women didn't say, "oh, I really liked him but he didn't call after I blew him off the first time..." I agree - the women who play this type of game with the phone are either not very interested or are game players, neither of which is attractive to a man. Do some women really not realize how rude and inconsiderate this game is to men? If it is early in the dating process, such as before a first or second date, and I call and leave a message I won't call another time if the women doesn't contact me first.
grkBoy Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I think this is where a man tends to really be on thin ice when pursuing a woman. I have a friend of mine, good looking, doing pretty well in life, very intelligent, etc. He'd get women's numbers and call them, and sometimes women would even make the suggestion of "getting together" , and sometimes make firm plans doing so with him. Well, typically he calls, leave messages, and then they never call back..then he moves on. From the female perspective these women have stated that they were disappointed when he didn't call a 2nd nor 3rd time to get a hold of them, even though they were deliberately avoiding him or blowing him off. Is it true, how many women here will let a guy call her 2 or 3 times, before you return his call? They actually expected the guy, as they put, to put in a LITTLE more effort in being "stalkerish" (THEY didn't use that word,but I just used it to make apoint) Those women are called FLAKES. I suggest to all men to steer clear of them. It's also fun to watch them get "pumped and dumped" by every playa who gets persistent and plays her little game, only to toss her away when he's done with her. Then she later, with a straight face, acts "bewildered", thinking that he was into her based on how much he pursued her. I say stay single and keep looking for the few sane women left. Let the flakes grow up to be spinsters.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 IMO, the extent to which this game is played by women who aren't completely flakey is more like this: You see he called 3 minutes ago and restrain yourself from running out of your office or wherever you are to call him back RIGHT THAT MOMENT. You might not want to seem over-eager or desperate. So you'll wait until a little later that day. Maybe some girls do this as a flakey game, but I think it mostly stems from her own insecurity. Anyway, if she likes him (for real - not just in his imagination) and has a full complement of brain cells and common courtesy, she's not waiting for him to call her 2 or 3 times before responding. No way. 1
8mia8 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I'm a busy person that will sometimes be unable to get a return a call within a certain time frame; I'm also not a person that is chained to my phone. Usually when that window passes, I simply forget. By the time I get to it, a lengthy time may have passed and if a person doesn't try again, obviously it wasn't very important. A second call will certainly let me know the other person is actually interested and felt it's worth trying, and that I should return the call regardless of the time that has passed. I am this way with any circumstance whether it be in dating, friends, work, etc and this also applies to email. If I actually want to blow someone off, I will just tell them I'm not interested in them. 1
EasyHeart Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Returning phone calls is just a matter of MANNERS, in dating or in any other aspect of life. 2
Chicago_Guy Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I'm a busy person that will sometimes be unable to get a return a call within a certain time frame; I'm also not a person that is chained to my phone. Usually when that window passes, I simply forget. By the time I get to it, a lengthy time may have passed and if a person doesn't try again, obviously it wasn't very important. A second call will certainly let me know the other person is actually interested and felt it's worth trying, and that I should return the call regardless of the time that has passed. I am this way with any circumstance whether it be in dating, friends, work, etc and this also applies to email. If I actually want to blow someone off, I will just tell them I'm not interested in them. You are playing a game even if you won't admit it. How could you possibly be so busy that they cannot return a phone call or at least send a text within a day if it is from a guy you like? If the man doesn't call a second time, if may not be because he is not "actually interested" - instead, your failure to return his call made him think that you weren't interested yourself. A man with standards won't tolerate mistreatment from a woman he barely knows. 1
8mia8 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 You are playing a game even if you won't admit it. How could you possibly be so busy that they cannot return a phone call or at least send a text within a day if it is from a guy you like? If the man doesn't call a second time, if may not be because he is not "actually interested" - instead, your failure to return his call made him think that you weren't interested yourself. A man with standards won't tolerate mistreatment from a woman he barely knows. It makes no difference if it's someone I like or not. I work my normal job for 10hrs, sit in traffic for 2-3hrs, work my side job for 3hrs, cook and eat, etc. By the time I actually look at my phone, if at all, it's bedtime (which is why I love email, I can respond at 2am without worrying about bothering someone). If someone can't take me as an individual with my own life and characteristics or if they won't try a second time, then it'd never work anyways. BTW, I'm certainly not saying anyone SHOULD, just speaking for myself and what works for me. 1
USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 It makes no difference if it's someone I like or not. I work my normal job for 10hrs, sit in traffic for 2-3hrs, work my side job for 3hrs, cook and eat, etc. By the time I actually look at my phone, if at all, it's bedtime (which is why I love email, I can respond at 2am without worrying about bothering someone). If someone can't take me as an individual with my own life and characteristics or if they won't try a second time, then it'd never work anyways. BTW, I'm certainly not saying anyone SHOULD, just speaking for myself and what works for me. The smart man would take you as someone who is too busy to date; so you're right, it'd never work anyways. 1
USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 So the post quoted above can be pertinent regarding the perspective of the man, too. He is likely to be claiming that what "typically" happens is because the women are "game players" rather than not really interested in him. I 100% agree. A man will often interpret a woman's lack of interest as "game playing" in order to save his own ego, because clearly, no one wouldn't be interested in us, right...?
joystickd Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Why worry about why women expect persistence? If they don't respond favorably just move on because there is someone that will. We live in a time now that people have so much damn ego that to some people dating is a power struggle. They have to have control so they have the reassurance that they won't get f**ked over. Its a damn shame.
MrCastle Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I 100% agree. A man will often interpret a woman's lack of interest as "game playing" in order to save his own ego, because clearly, no one wouldn't be interested in us, right...? I think whatever you need to tell yourself to cushion the blow of rejection is fair game. It's no coincidence every woman who's ever rejected me has been 1.) a closet lesbian, 2.) an idiot, 3.) a bitch, 4.) had poor taste in men, 5.) had a crappy personality, 6.) was a game player, 7.) was probably ugly without makeup anyway 3
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