Author josation218 Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 Then that might require a complete different approach or with something more drastic so you can improve on it. I'm not sure how many people have familiarity with that specific problem other than knowing what nervousness feels like. People always tell me to think before I talk but I never get what they meant by that... Do I have to visualize every word before I say it or do I just say the sentence in my head and try to let it out?
KathyM Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 You should really look into speach therapy. It has done a lot of good for a woman I know with a speach impairment. I know a man who stutters quite a bit too--a fellow classmate of mine, and he doesn't let his speach impairment to hold him back. He's one of the most vocal students in the class--a very intelligent guy, and people have a lot of respect for him. Usually, people start to stutter more when they are nervous, so you may want to learn some relaxation techniques to use to calm yourself down before events/activities that you feel apprehensive about. You can use those techniques during the event also to help you calm down. Look up relaxation techniques online and practice them. Practice talking slowly also. When people feel compelled to talk fast, they are not as in control of their speach, and slowing it down may help. Positive self talk is also helpful in your case. Tell yourself that you are a smart guy who has a lot to offer someone. Tell yourself that speach disfluencies are no big deal, and a lot of people have them. Tell yourself that you are going to enjoy yourself on this date, and focus on getting to know the woman. When you are focusing on yourself, you become self-conscious and too wrapped up in how you are coming across to people. Try to stay focused on what the other person is saying and getting to know them, and enjoying the activity, rather than focusing on yourself and how you are coming across. When you catch yourself focusing inward, redirect your energy/thoughts to the other person or the activity you are engaged in, and that should help. The more you keep your own focus off of yourself, the more relaxed you will be and the more you will enjoy your date. But I would suggest you look into a speach therapy clinic, because that often proves to be helpful to people in managing their speach pattern.
TigerCub Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Why can there be more girls like you here in New Jersey ... When your date first opens his mouth what was your first thought? Dint you felt embarrassed being in a table with somebody that dint know how to speak property. How about when the waiter asked you guys to order, did he stutter and how did that made you feel? I know I should not be thinking about those stuff because if the person is really into you, they will overlook those tiny issues but i guess is all in my head.. Thanks When he first spoke, I just thought to myself "oh, I think he stutters, ok" Honestly! There was nothing to be embarrassed about. The guy was really nice, and cute and funny - he was smart too. He had a lot of great qualities that no stutter can overshadow. The one thing I remember thinking was - "I hope that he doesn't feel awkward or uncomfortable because of this". I can't speak for everyone, but I'm guessing that most people will think the same way and react in a similar manner. I know that this is HUGE to you, and I understand that, but as long as you let YOU and the good things about you shine, nothing else would really matter to others.
Necris Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) You should really look into speach therapy. It has done a lot of good for a woman I know with a speach impairment. I know a man who stutters quite a bit too--a fellow classmate of mine, and he doesn't let his speach impairment to hold him back. He's one of the most vocal students in the class--a very intelligent guy, and people have a lot of respect for him. Usually, people start to stutter more when they are nervous, so you may want to learn some relaxation techniques to use to calm yourself down before events/activities that you feel apprehensive about. You can use those techniques during the event also to help you calm down. Look up relaxation techniques online and practice them. Practice talking slowly also. When people feel compelled to talk fast, they are not as in control of their speach, and slowing it down may help. Positive self talk is also helpful in your case. Tell yourself that you are a smart guy who has a lot to offer someone. Tell yourself that speach disfluencies are no big deal, and a lot of people have them. Tell yourself that you are going to enjoy yourself on this date, and focus on getting to know the woman. When you are focusing on yourself, you become self-conscious and too wrapped up in how you are coming across to people. Try to stay focused on what the other person is saying and getting to know them, and enjoying the activity, rather than focusing on yourself and how you are coming across. When you catch yourself focusing inward, redirect your energy/thoughts to the other person or the activity you are engaged in, and that should help. The more you keep your own focus off of yourself, the more relaxed you will be and the more you will enjoy your date. But I would suggest you look into a speach therapy clinic, because that often proves to be helpful to people in managing their speach pattern. I took speech therapy for years with no luck speaking is just difficult. Making approaches even more daunting of a task when I'm already naturally shy, possess no real charisma, not the hottest guy around (I don't believe I'm ugly but my "natural good looks" aren't attracting anyone any time soon), and not the best social person all that added together with not being able to speak clearly and additional nervousness just makes attracting women impossible. Edited August 28, 2012 by Necris
ThaWholigan Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I don't understand why you guys don't try improv or acting classes. I'm lucky in that I haven't needed to do it, but I have a father who actually is an actor, so I kinda have that in me to an extent. Sh*t, soon as I have time or money, I will take some improv classes!
Necris Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I don't understand why you guys don't try improv or acting classes. I'm lucky in that I haven't needed to do it, but I have a father who actually is an actor, so I kinda have that in me to an extent. Sh*t, soon as I have time or money, I will take some improv classes! I actually took an improv class, I am certainly not the best actor and I didn't really enjoy it that much, the girls there didn't like me I guess they thought I was wierd, and it was some time ago, but still stuff like that doesn't help I didn't really learn anything.
KathyM Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I took speech therapy for years with no luck speaking is just difficult. Making approaches even more daunting of a task when I'm already naturally shy, possess no real charisma, not the hottest guy around (I don't believe I'm ugly but my "natural good looks" aren't attracting anyone any time soon), and not the best social person all that added together with not being able to speak clearly and additional nervousness just makes attracting women impossible. I'm sorry you're dealing with this stuff. Speach therapy has helped a lot of people, some more than others. I think it's worth a try for the OP. You may want to find a support group for people with speach impairments. I think it helps to talk to people who are going through the difficulties you are going through. It's also a good way to make friends and get input on how others are handling their speach impairment and the issues involved with that.
ThaWholigan Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I actually took an improv class, I am certainly not the best actor and I didn't really enjoy it that much, the girls there didn't like me I guess they thought I was wierd, and it was some time ago, but still stuff like that doesn't help I didn't really learn anything. I swear, not to belittle your plight, but you guys seem to have excuses for everything. What ever happened to not giving up?
Necris Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) I swear, not to belittle your plight, but you guys seem to have excuses for everything. What ever happened to not giving up? Hey I am telling the truth as crazy as it may sound. I'm just not the type of guy whose good with the ladies, or capable of getting a girlfriend or romantic relationship of some sort. I'm missing that charisma, the people who have it in high levels are just naturally good with people they can walk in a room full of strangers and come out with 10 friends in an hour, if skilled enough they don't have to even do anything and women will approach them instead of the other way around, I know people like that. If only I didn't make Charisma my dump stat, but I do sometimes wonder where those extra points went if I had a profound genius level intellect I would probably be so much better off. Edited August 28, 2012 by Necris
yongyong Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Don't do cold approach. Just meet them through social circle, groups where she can see you for a while so she won't write you off right away because you speak weird. This is my honest advice.
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