josation218 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I've been a stutter for as long as I can remember but as of lately it have gotten worst... Everytime I' m about to approach a female stranger, I get this fear inside of me that prevents me from doing it... Is not that I’m afraid of her is just I’m afraid I am going to stutter and make a fool out of myself. In my head I know exactly what I want to say but as soon as I open my mouth I get a mental block that prevents me from letting my words flow. Any advice on how to deal with my stuttering?
Author josation218 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 No I haven't... I've been looking around my area but there isn’t seemed to be one... My stuttering is not that severe, it’s just I get mental blocks on words I can’t pronounce. I try to find synonyms as soon as I get one of the blocks but my brain works so fast that my mouth can’t keep up with it...
Hopeful30 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I used to have a guy friend who had a very severe stutter. Once he started smoking marijuana, his stutter disappeared and he is an incredible conversationalist now. Maybe you should try it too
Author josation218 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 jaja.. Thats one thing I have never done in my life.. I've drank my ass off but i've never smoke weed.. I was raised in a way where my parents always used to tell me to never do drugs. Do you have any other solutions besides marijuana? I used to have a guy friend who had a very severe stutter. Once he started smoking marijuana, his stutter disappeared and he is an incredible conversationalist now. Maybe you should try it too
8mia8 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Have no advice on the stuttering part but I'd suggest OLD and be upfront so the other person knows what to expect. I've been on dates where the other person was extremely/visibly nervous but since I'd exchanged a few messages with them already, it didn't bother me as much as it probably would have if I had met them in real life first.
darkmoon Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 i knew a stuttery guy, he married twice, the second marriage was to his affair do not feel too held back xx
TigerCub Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I briefly dated a guy that stuttered. It surprised me when we first met, because I didn't expect it, but I didn't let on and that was that. Don't worry too much about it.
TaraMaiden Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 jaja.. Thats one thing I have never done in my life.. I've drank my ass off but i've never smoke weed.. I was raised in a way where my parents always used to tell me to never do drugs. Do you have any other solutions besides marijuana? Hypnosis.... ? Have you watched "The King's Speech"....? It's brilliant..... You might like to take some lessons from that. And I don't mean to be patronising..... 1
Author josation218 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 I try not to but every time I’m talking to somebody I feel like they are not pay attention to a word I’m saying. It seems like the older I get the worse my stuttering gets. I see myself as a reasonably attractive person yet it seems my stuttering kills any motivation I have to go out and talk to new people. I don’t want to have to tell everyone I meet that I stutter as a first impression but I feel like if they don’t already know then it just makes it that much weirder and awkward.. Gosh I hate having this speech impediment. I briefly dated a guy that stuttered. It surprised me when we first met, because I didn't expect it, but I didn't let on and that was that. Don't worry too much about it.
Emilia Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 No I haven't... I've been looking around my area but there isn’t seemed to be one... My stuttering is not that severe, it’s just I get mental blocks on words I can’t pronounce. I try to find synonyms as soon as I get one of the blocks but my brain works so fast that my mouth can’t keep up with it... I used to talk too fast, I still do nowdays but not as much as I used to. It was linked to anxiety. It's worth having it looked into not just from a speech therapy point but to get to the root of the problem. It can be fixed if you seek a specialist. 1
AlexCross Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Watch the movie Pearl Harbor with Ben Affleck in its entirety.
TigerCub Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I try not to but every time I’m talking to somebody I feel like they are not pay attention to a word I’m saying. It seems like the older I get the worse my stuttering gets. I see myself as a reasonably attractive person yet it seems my stuttering kills any motivation I have to go out and talk to new people. I don’t want to have to tell everyone I meet that I stutter as a first impression but I feel like if they don’t already know then it just makes it that much weirder and awkward.. Gosh I hate having this speech impediment. I can understand where you're coming from. Honestly though, I would guess that you're exaggerating it in your mind. When my date turned out to be a stutterer, I didn't focus on that, he really was a fun and very funny guy and that's what I paid attention to. I don't think you need to "warn" people in advance. It is what it is, and yeah at first it will be a little bit of a surprise, because we don't usually expect that, but honestly, normal, mature, decent people don't make a big deal out of it or do anything to make someone feel bad about it. As far as it getting worse with time, have you tried seeing a speech therapist? (sorry I don't remember from earlier posts).
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I think the build up of nerves is going to get you before you even get started... I would practice talking to strangers, or friends in situations that make you feel nervous. Maybe even people you don't know...that way you don't have to put yourself out there on a potential date. However doing so wouldn't necessarily be a bad idea..practice will help you quite a bit. You'll have to engage in situations repeatedly until you realize there's no big monster in that closet...it's always unnerving to talk to a woman you're interested in but it doesn't have to be nerve wrecking and often times you will fall into it without thinking about it. It's about alleviating that little block in your mind that keeps you from doing something, then it turns into something much bigger and fearful.
Radu Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I had [and still have] social anxiety. I solved it by convincing myself that i am looking for primarily a friend even when talking to women i was interested in. I would look at a woman, and if i found her attractive i would tell myself 'ooooh, i hope she has a nice personality ... let's find out'.
Author josation218 Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 I guess you can say its anxiety... All my friends tell me all the time that I talk to fast and that I need to slow down my speech a little bit... The thing is that English is my second language and I’ve notice that I only get mental blocks on words I can’t pronounce... I can have a normal conversation with somebody but once I get to a word that I know in my head I won’t be able to pronounce it right, that’s when I start to stutter... As soon as that happens I try to look for a synonym of the word in my head and when I find one I rush to let the word out and that’s when I begin to get really nervous. Is there a way to get rid of the thought that makes me believe that I ' m going to stutter if I mispronounce the word? I used to talk too fast, I still do nowdays but not as much as I used to. It was linked to anxiety. It's worth having it looked into not just from a speech therapy point but to get to the root of the problem. It can be fixed if you seek a specialist.
Radu Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 What is your first language and in what country are you ?
Necris Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I don't have any advice but I do know how you feel being a stutterer I am one as well, and its difficult for me to speak clearly making it difficult for people to understand me, I tried a few years of speech therapy with no results I feel like my brain and mouth aren't connected right or something, making it even more scary to approach women. I have even had this happen to me a couple of times as well, very embarassing.
Author josation218 Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 Why can there be more girls like you here in New Jersey ... When your date first opens his mouth what was your first thought? Dint you felt embarrassed being in a table with somebody that dint know how to speak property. How about when the waiter asked you guys to order, did he stutter and how did that made you feel? I know I should not be thinking about those stuff because if the person is really into you, they will overlook those tiny issues but i guess is all in my head.. I can understand where you're coming from. Honestly though, I would guess that you're exaggerating it in your mind. When my date turned out to be a stutterer, I didn't focus on that, he really was a fun and very funny guy and that's what I paid attention to. I don't think you need to "warn" people in advance. It is what it is, and yeah at first it will be a little bit of a surprise, because we don't usually expect that, but honestly, normal, mature, decent people don't make a big deal out of it or do anything to make someone feel bad about it. As far as it getting worse with time, have you tried seeing a speech therapist? (sorry I don't remember from earlier posts).
Author josation218 Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 I think the build up of nerves is going to get you before you even get started... I would practice talking to strangers, or friends in situations that make you feel nervous. Maybe even people you don't know...that way you don't have to put yourself out there on a potential date. However doing so wouldn't necessarily be a bad idea..practice will help you quite a bit. You'll have to engage in situations repeatedly until you realize there's no big monster in that closet...it's always unnerving to talk to a woman you're interested in but it doesn't have to be nerve wrecking and often times you will fall into it without thinking about it. It's about alleviating that little block in your mind that keeps you from doing something, then it turns into something much bigger and fearful. How can I talk to strangers or a friend when in my head all I think about is that I am going to stutter? I try to get those thoughts out of my head but is just so dam hard. For some reason I have this fear of approaching strangers because I’m afraid of what they might think of me... They might say this guy is a weirdo and can’t even say a complete sentence without stuttering. How can I stop thinking that way?
Author josation218 Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 What is your first language and in what country are you ? I am currently residing in the USA and my first language is Spanish. I stutter in both languages Spanish and English... Hell I even stutter when I’m talking to my own parents. How weird is that...
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 How can I talk to strangers or a friend when in my head all I think about is that I am going to stutter? I try to get those thoughts out of my head but is just so dam hard. For some reason I have this fear of approaching strangers because I’m afraid of what they might think of me... They might say this guy is a weirdo and can’t even say a complete sentence without stuttering. How can I stop thinking that way? That's the big problem, you're in your head too much...unless do you know for certain that you will always stutter? just think that the more in your head about it you are the more likely it is going to happen. I think it's about developing strategies to control it, going with the flow of it and not putting emphasis on the fact. Unless you feel more comfortable stating to people if you do it that you have a stuttering problem If it gets out of control. I think it's about finding strategies and methods of coping with it, I'm sure you'll always be worried or insecure to a degree but when it's controlling your entire life because you can't talk to someone, I think that's more damage than good and will just keep you in that bubble. I think you've really got to start challenging yourself and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone so that your nerves are so intense and overwhelming, conditioning and becoming more comfortable with situations you may not be in the past, most people have some kind of tick or response when they feel nervous...whether it's touching their hair, standing a certain way, doing something with their hands or getting sweaty hands, or talking fast or rambling and going blank, so when you put it in that light you've just got another challenge that's different but the same for a lot of people and the approach is mostly the same.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I am currently residing in the USA and my first language is Spanish. I stutter in both languages Spanish and English... Hell I even stutter when I’m talking to my own parents. How weird is that... Then that might require a complete different approach or with something more drastic so you can improve on it. I'm not sure how many people have familiarity with that specific problem other than knowing what nervousness feels like.
Author josation218 Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 That's the big problem, you're in your head too much...unless do you know for certain that you will always stutter? just think that the more in your head about it you are the more likely it is going to happen. I think it's about developing strategies to control it, going with the flow of it and not putting emphasis on the fact. Unless you feel more comfortable stating to people if you do it that you have a stuttering problem If it gets out of control. I think it's about finding strategies and methods of coping with it, I'm sure you'll always be worried or insecure to a degree but when it's controlling your entire life because you can't talk to someone, I think that's more damage than good and will just keep you in that bubble. I think you've really got to start challenging yourself and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone so that your nerves are so intense and overwhelming, conditioning and becoming more comfortable with situations you may not be in the past, most people have some kind of tick or response when they feel nervous...whether it's touching their hair, standing a certain way, doing something with their hands or getting sweaty hands, or talking fast or rambling and going blank, so when you put it in that light you've just got another challenge that's different but the same for a lot of people and the approach is mostly the same. In my head I am always thinking of different way on how to cope with the issue but once the opportunity present itself I go back to my normal routine... Every time I talk really slowly I barely stutter but I don’t like the sound of my voice... I feel like people will think that there is something wrong with me which there is... Another thing that I notice is when I sing, I barely stutter... The thing about that is that my voice is not that great and I wouldn’t like to embarrass myself in front of others. When I tell people I stutter I feel like this comfort inside of me and all of the nerves just go away... How would you feel if some random girl just come up to you and tell you she’s stutter? When you try to have a conversation with her she takes at least 30 seconds to say a complete sentence while stuttering. Would you feel embarrass on the situation or you just wouldn’t care? What advice can you give me to challenge myself in a way that I haven’t been challenge before? Like how can I step out of my comfort zone? It’s funny because when I get nervous I don’t look the person in the eyes... I always try to look at the ground or away... Do you think that’s affecting my stuttering?
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