I don't understand marriage.

[Titanwolf]

Ok, why do women get offended and/or try to insult me for never wanting to get married?. "Commitment phobe", "selfish", "Man-up" are just a few of the words and phrases women use to try and make me feel shame for stepping away from the system (it doesn't work). Here's what I don't understand...how can one be afraid of commitment, if he's willing to spend the rest of his life with you?, if he's already resigned himself to doing so?. Why does a contract with the government, a piece of paper, magically prove whether I'm commited to someone or not?. I don't plan to have kids either (and I get flamed for that one too, but whatever) so children aren't an issue here. I don't understand the hate. I plan to live with my partner and if she so desperately wants to have the title "Wife", I will call her my wife and I don't require a legal contract to do that. I'm not exactly religious but Marriage is between the couple and God no? so why do women insist that the government must be involved to allow me to call my partner, my Wife?. I'd like someone to shed any light on this?

 

Disclaimer- This is not a thread to insult/bash females. A man has never caused me problems in this respect, so it is rather gender specific.

[ndlp7831]

I think it's just the principle, and the glory everyone has put on it. That's what most women are taught since childhood. You grow up fall in love and get married. So we long for it. It's something almost every women expects after being in a relationship for so long a proposal is just expected.

[Radu]

I think it's just the principle, and the glory everyone has put on it. That's what most women are taught since childhood. You grow up fall in love and get married. So we long for it. It's something almost every women expects after being in a relationship for so long a proposal is just expected.

 

It is and it isn't.

 

OP, your opinions contradict their best insterest at a subconscious level.

That and many guys/girls can't understand not wanting kids.

So they try explaining it by attaching the 'defective' label, and discriminating against you.

 

Welcome to the enlightened humanity.

[ndlp7831]

I don't disagree with not wanting to get married or not wanting to have babies. All I was doing was telling you why I THINK it is. that's what we're taught to want. It makes perfect sense. No one knows what they're getting into before they get married. Or that it's gunna be extremely hard, and it takes more effort then most people have, but we want it anyways!! Because that's what we're taught to want!!!!!

[rainfall]

I'm female and I have never understood the desire to get married or have children. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with my SO so I don't see why I need a piece of paper to tell me I am commited to him. I actually don't understand why some people are so desperate to get married and have children.

 

I think some woman view marriage as a way to "trap" a guy into staying with them because he is afraid if he leaves her she will take everything.

[Titanwolf]

I think it's just the principle, and the glory everyone has put on it. That's what most women are taught since childhood. You grow up fall in love and get married. So we long for it. It's something almost every women expects after being in a relationship for so long a proposal is just expected.

 

Because that's what we're taught to want!!!!!

so it's safe to say that it's due to societal conditioning. I'm not into politics though, so I'm not exactly sure what the government gains from pairing people off, in an institution like marriage.

 

@Radu- I lol'ed, not in a pleasant way, but in a "hehe, he's right you know?" kind of way :/

 

@Rainfall- I completely agree. I just have a difficult time explaining to women, why the paper is insignificant in relation to my commitment to a woman. Especially when there's 2 or 3 of them attacking you at once

Edited August 24, 2012 by Titanwolf

[threebyfate]

If you're targeting women who want to get married, you're doing it wrong. If this is just casual conversation with women, they're idiots.

[Titanwolf]

If you're targeting women who want to get married, you're doing it wrong. If this is just casual conversation with women, they're idiots.

 

I don't go looking for this lol. I guess that's the downfall of having many female friends. They're quite sharp with their words, but this is the only topic that has seemed to come up consistently, perhaps due to the fact that they spam "Chick flicks"

[pink_sugar]

I think many people are just very traditional, whether it be through faith, family or just usual practice. It's taking your relationship to the next step, more than just boyfriend/girlfriend status, which you will always be unless you get married. Some families also don't consider you part of the family unless you are legally married. If it weren't for the fact that some things you need to be married for (some companies require you to be married to be added onto your partners medical insurance at work etc). Lastly, you are not a wife or husband unless you're married. I honestly hate when people do that, because a lot of people will say "Oh, you're married? When did you get married?" I also hate when women have children unmarried, they all of a sudden have a mother in law. If you're not married, no you don't have a mother in law, it's your boyfriend's mother or the grandmother of your child. Marriage separates new relationships from serious and mature ones, IMO.

[rainfall]

 

 

I don't agree with this really. I don't see why I need to get married to know I am commited to spending the rest of my life with my partner. I know how I feel and I know how he feels so I don't really see the point in making it legal. I am just as commited to him as any married person is to their partner.

 

His family also views my as family even though we aren't married and the same goes for my family with him.

[pteromom]

1. Many women dream of their wedding day from the time they are little girls with pillowcase "veils" on their heads. It's a fantasy we all have, of having our daddy walk us down the aisle to the man of our dreams. Not to mention having a man get down on one knee and ask. And putting on the ring. And signing the name "Mrs. Titanwolf" and giggling at this new person we are becoming.

 

2. Marriage means commitment. Sure, you can SAY "I'll be here forever." But a marriage contract ensures there are consequences if you change your mind.

 

3. Marriage means commitment. Sure, you can SAY "I'll be here forever." But if you stand before everyone you know and pledge your love, you are saying to the world "She is mine. She is the only one for me. I am committing to a life with only her."

 

4. Marriage means you are serious. Even though lots of married men cheat, getting married states that you are really ready to be a one-woman guy forever.

 

5. Marriage protects you. On a legal level, it makes more sense to be married. There are tax benefits. You can make medical decisions for each other in case of emergency. There are insurance benefits. Your assets are co-owned, so if something happens to one of you, the other doesn't have to fight for what should be yours.

 

6. Society still frowns on living together without being married. This isn't the same for a guy as for a woman. When a guy lives with a woman, nobody feels BADLY for him. But when you are a woman living with a guy, people say and think - "Is he ever going to marry you?" "Why would he marry you if he's getting the milk for free?" "Why is settling for living together ok with you?" "There must be some reason he won't marry you." And if you answer the "When will you get married?" question with "Oh, we have no plans to ever marry", you get that look of pity, like you ended up with a bum deal and are settling for less than you deserve.

 

7. If a person is religious, marriage means even more. Pledging love in front of God has a lot of meaning.

 

So - rather than say you never want to get married, just leave it at that you have no plans to marry. Because when you meet that right woman who loves you and who you love, and she looks into your eyes and starts dreaming about your wedding out loud, you may find you change your mind. My point - keep an open mind.

[rainfall]

1. Many women dream of their wedding day from the time they are little girls with pillowcase "veils" on their heads. It's a fantasy we all have, of having our daddy walk us down the aisle to the man of our dreams. Not to mention having a man get down on one knee and ask. And putting on the ring. And signing the name "Mrs. Titanwolf" and giggling at this new person we are becoming.

 

2. Marriage means commitment. Sure, you can SAY "I'll be here forever." But a marriage contract ensures there are consequences if you change your mind.

 

3. Marriage means commitment. Sure, you can SAY "I'll be here forever." But if you stand before everyone you know and pledge your love, you are saying to the world "She is mine. She is the only one for me. I am committing to a life with only her."

 

4. Marriage means you are serious. Even though lots of married men cheat, getting married states that you are really ready to be a one-woman guy forever.

 

5. Marriage protects you. On a legal level, it makes more sense to be married. There are tax benefits. You can make medical decisions for each other in case of emergency. There are insurance benefits. Your assets are co-owned, so if something happens to one of you, the other doesn't have to fight for what should be yours.

 

6. Society still frowns on living together without being married. This isn't the same for a guy as for a woman. When a guy lives with a woman, nobody feels BADLY for him. But when you are a woman living with a guy, people say and think - "Is he ever going to marry you?" "Why would he marry you if he's getting the milk for free?" "Why is settling for living together ok with you?" "There must be some reason he won't marry you." And if you answer the "When will you get married?" question with "Oh, we have no plans to ever marry", you get that look of pity, like you ended up with a bum deal and are settling for less than you deserve.

 

7. If a person is religious, marriage means even more. Pledging love in front of God has a lot of meaning.

 

So - rather than say you never want to get married, just leave it at that you have no plans to marry. Because when you meet that right woman who loves you and who you love, and she looks into your eyes and starts dreaming about your wedding out loud, you may find you change your mind. My point - keep an open mind.

 

1. I never dreamed of being married when I was a little girl. To this day the thought of planning a wedding, picking out colored napkins, and all that other stuff makes me want to barf.

 

2, 3 and 4. I am commited and I don't need a piece of paper for security or really don't care about standing up in front of anyone to prove or pledge anything.

 

6. Don't care about society or their view of me. I kinda find it funny how most people view marriage as something that all women want and if their guy won't marry them its because they are defective in some way.

 

7. Not religious

 

My point is OP there ARE women out there who don't care about marriage. They are probably harder to find and most woman will probably have a problem with you not wanting to get married. There is nothing wrong with it and I think saying you have no plants to marry could give some chick the wrong idea. She may think that she can convince you to change her mind and then 2-3 years later is sad when she sees that you still feel the same way.

[pteromom]

My point is OP there ARE women out there who don't care about marriage. They are probably harder to find and most woman will probably have a problem with you not wanting to get married. There is nothing wrong with it and I think saying you have no plants to marry could give some chick the wrong idea. She may think that she can convince you to change her mind and then 2-3 years later is sad when she sees that you still feel the same way.

 

Oh I agree. But the wolf didn't ask whether there are women who don't want to marry. Absolutely there are, and you are an example of one.

 

He asked why marriage is so important to women. I answered on behalf of the women who are offended when he says he doesn't want to marry.

 

Honestly - if/when I am single, I will likely never marry again. It's overrated from my experience. LOL

 

When I said "So - rather than say you never want to get married, just leave it at that you have no plans to marry." - I wasn't talking about saying this to a woman. Sorry for the confusion. I meant to say it to himself. To keep an open mind.

[rainfall]

 

When I said "So - rather than say you never want to get married, just leave it at that you have no plans to marry." - I wasn't talking about saying this to a woman. Sorry for the confusion. I meant to say it to himself. To keep an open mind.

 

 

Ok sorry for misunderstanding you. I thought you meant for him to tell women that and I could see that causing problems for him.

[pteromom]

Ok sorry for misunderstanding you. I thought you meant for him to tell women that and I could see that causing problems for him.

 

No, I think it is important for him to share how he feels about marriage with a woman, once a relationship gets to a point of exclusivity. Once a relationship gets to that point, I think it is just important for him to stay introspective about it and challenge his own beliefs. Is this woman maybe changing the way I feel about this topic?

 

I would hate for him to let a great woman get away because he is rigid in his thinking. That's all.

[pink_sugar]

I don't agree with this really. I don't see why I need to get married to know I am commited to spending the rest of my life with my partner. I know how I feel and I know how he feels so I don't really see the point in making it legal. I am just as commited to him as any married person is to their partner.

 

His family also views my as family even though we aren't married and the same goes for my family with him.

 

I definitely agree you don't need to be married to feel and be committed. I felt the same way before marriage, but it's more how others will view your relationship. But in your case, it's great both your families recognize you like a married couple. In my experience, my H and I were treated differently than his brother and his wife when they were married, before we got married. And there were other practical factors that influenced us to get married when we did. I think it's not necessarily to know one of you is committed, but more so to be treated like a dedicated married couple and to be respected.

[pink_sugar]

1. Many women dream of their wedding day from the time they are little girls with pillowcase "veils" on their heads. It's a fantasy we all have, of having our daddy walk us down the aisle to the man of our dreams. Not to mention having a man get down on one knee and ask. And putting on the ring. And signing the name "Mrs. Titanwolf" and giggling at this new person we are becoming.

 

2. Marriage means commitment. Sure, you can SAY "I'll be here forever." But a marriage contract ensures there are consequences if you change your mind.

 

3. Marriage means commitment. Sure, you can SAY "I'll be here forever." But if you stand before everyone you know and pledge your love, you are saying to the world "She is mine. She is the only one for me. I am committing to a life with only her."

 

4. Marriage means you are serious. Even though lots of married men cheat, getting married states that you are really ready to be a one-woman guy forever.

 

5. Marriage protects you. On a legal level, it makes more sense to be married. There are tax benefits. You can make medical decisions for each other in case of emergency. There are insurance benefits. Your assets are co-owned, so if something happens to one of you, the other doesn't have to fight for what should be yours.

 

6. Society still frowns on living together without being married. This isn't the same for a guy as for a woman. When a guy lives with a woman, nobody feels BADLY for him. But when you are a woman living with a guy, people say and think - "Is he ever going to marry you?" "Why would he marry you if he's getting the milk for free?" "Why is settling for living together ok with you?" "There must be some reason he won't marry you." And if you answer the "When will you get married?" question with "Oh, we have no plans to ever marry", you get that look of pity, like you ended up with a bum deal and are settling for less than you deserve.

 

7. If a person is religious, marriage means even more. Pledging love in front of God has a lot of meaning.

 

So - rather than say you never want to get married, just leave it at that you have no plans to marry. Because when you meet that right woman who loves you and who you love, and she looks into your eyes and starts dreaming about your wedding out loud, you may find you change your mind. My point - keep an open mind.

 

I agree, although for me I felt like the same person I was before I married. I kept my own name, because I feel we are both individuals and I don't need to change myself to prove my committment. So I am inbetween. I like the concept of being more than boyfriend/girlfriend, but I am also independent and I don't need to change my name to prove my committment.

[MuscleCarFan]

Government Benefits of Being Married

1. Income Tax Benefits
   
   • Marriage can be financially advantageous in that it can potentially reduce the amount of overall income tax a couple owes. When a couple marries, they gain the option of filing a joint tax return. Filing jointly grants the couple a larger standard tax deduction than single filers are granted; if one partner does not work, it can amount to a large tax savings for the working partner. Married couples that file jointly are also subject to different tax brackets than single filers, which can also to lead to tax savings. Income tax savings is not guaranteed for married couples, however. According to MSN, an analysis by the Congressional Budget Office showed 42% of married taxpayers paid more by filing jointly than they would have if they'd remained single.
     

Survivor Benefits

 

 

• Marriage grants significant benefits to widows and widowers. According to the US Government's Social Security website, when you die, certain members of your family may be eligible for survivors benefits, which can include widows, widowers (and divorced widows and widowers), children and dependent parents. The amount of social security funds provided by the government will depend on the earnings of the person that died. Married couples are also granted automatic inheritance rights. This means spouses have a legal right to a portion of the estate left behind by a dead partner, even if the deceased person did not make a will.
  

Estate Tax Benefits

 

 

• When a person dies and leaves a large estate or inheritance behind, it may be taxed by the federal government. The estate tax can amount to millions of dollars for those who die with significant wealth. According to MSN, married people can leave an unlimited amount of assets to a spouse without incurring any estate tax.
  

Medical Benefits

 

 

• Marriage grants couples medical benefits that are not afforded to unmarried individuals. If a married person is hospitalized, their spouse may be granted access to the intensive care unit or other restricted areas of the medical facility for visitation. Married people also have the right to exercise their spouse's wishes in the event that they become incapacitated or unable to think or act for themselves. Its can be an important benefit in the event of injuries that affect the brain and lead to persistent vegetative states or comas.
  

 

Read more: Government Benefits of Being Married | eHow.com Government Benefits of Being Married | eHow.com

[Titanwolf]

Thank you for the responses everyone. I can see where you're coming from and have changed my attitude accordingly. I will now say (Compliments of pteromom) "I have no plans to marry". I'm now more empathetic towards the women whom are pro-marriage and have also recognized the legal implications that accompany marriage as well. I still think it'll be a cold day in hell before I agree to marry, however, (like pteromom mentioned) there may be that ONE! woman, who's able to manip- I mean "convince" me to marry her, with dem eyes (I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes). With that said! Arigato fellow forumites, I appreciate your input

Edited August 25, 2012 by Titanwolf

[samsungxoxo]

I'm a slightly different woman. I want a childfree marriage where we both get to travel.

For some reason, I never wanted kids but always wish to one day get proposed.

[Titanwolf]

I'm a slightly different woman. I want a childfree marriage where we both get to travel.

This would be ideal. I would sooner kill myself, than be denied the privilege of travelling, expecially with someone I care about. If I'm married with kids, I'd have obligations to stay in one place and for a restless person such as myself, I'd go insane.

[Later82012]

Ok, why do women get offended and/or try to insult me for never wanting to get married?. "Commitment phobe", "selfish", "Man-up" are just a few of the words and phrases women use to try and make me feel shame for stepping away from the system (it doesn't work). Here's what I don't understand...how can one be afraid of commitment, if he's willing to spend the rest of his life with you?, if he's already resigned himself to doing so?. Why does a contract with the government, a piece of paper, magically prove whether I'm commited to someone or not?. I don't plan to have kids either (and I get flamed for that one too, but whatever) so children aren't an issue here. I don't understand the hate. I plan to live with my partner and if she so desperately wants to have the title "Wife", I will call her my wife and I don't require a legal contract to do that. I'm not exactly religious but Marriage is between the couple and God no? so why do women insist that the government must be involved to allow me to call my partner, my Wife?. I'd like someone to shed any light on this?

 

Disclaimer- This is not a thread to insult/bash females. A man has never caused me problems in this respect, so it is rather gender specific.

The female species needs security so that they can take care of their young ones. It is an in-built instinct as part of evolution. It is a different matter altogether that once they have it and they don't have anything else to worry about and are bored, most of them will stab their man in the back by cheating on him and most of these special ones will not even tell because he will get hurt:rolleyes:.

[RiverRunning]

People probably flame you, because generally those ideas DO play a role in men/women not getting married.

 

There are some serious perks to marriage. MuscleCarFan outlined plenty of 'em. I just think that if you plan to spend your life with a woman anyway, marriage is insurance against the unthinkable. If you were to die - or if she were to die - you can rest easy knowing that what's meant to go to her will go to her.

 

I grew uneasy - even though I'm not planning to have children - at the idea of being shut out should an accident happen to my boyfriend (his family would be notified first. I may not even get access to restricted areas), and then I would be at their mercy in planning his funeral. They could shut me out if they wanted to. I wouldn't receive any of his benefits, his pension, etc.

 

And it goes the opposite way as well. I could fill out several separate forms and write out a living will and blahblahblah...but I still couldn't cover everything. Some rights are only for married couples. I feel that marriage can be a loving act: just as it's insurance for me if something happens to him, it's also insurance for him if something happens to me. He inherits my things, gets a pension and the like, whatever.

 

I knew of a family where a man and a woman had been living together for 25 years. They had two sons, 18 and 17. He went out and had a heart attack and died on a hunting trip. His parents were dead and he had no siblings. Thank GOD their son was 18 and he could inherit his father's estate, including the house his family lived in (otherwise, I imagine they would have had a conservator). The son gave his mother the house.

 

But that really scared me. This woman couldn't claim her partner's remains - everything with the funeral was up to their son. She will never receive his pension or any other SS benefits. If her son had wanted, he could have taken their home and left her on the street.

[pteromom]

This would be ideal. I would sooner kill myself, than be denied the privilege of travelling, expecially with someone I care about. If I'm married with kids, I'd have obligations to stay in one place and for a restless person such as myself, I'd go insane.

 

This is NOT true. My son has traveled with my from the time he was 6 months old. He's an expert in dealing with road trips, airplanes, and hotels.

 

Sure when they are in school, you are limited as to WHEN you can travel (if you want to take them with you), but kids do not prevent you from traveling.

 

Not that I am trying to convince anyone to have kids - just that travel isn't a reason not to.

[Radu]

AHA ... you are one of those 'loved' ppl who bring infants on the airplane.