whtelightn Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 am confused about this this girl reaction towards me. She is 28 and I am 41. SHe works at the front desk and I work in the claims dept. When we first starting talking back in July of 03 she told me what has happened with her ex the same age as me but she was 21 at the time. They were livng together for 3 years. After they broke up she has not dated anyone, and I was in a relationship for 3 years before my ex broke up with me. I have not dated anyone for 3 years. She lives at home with her parents. She is the only child. Back in October 03 Amy came to me during lunch and wanted to talk. She started to tell me about her dad and her parents. (Remind you that she does not know me too well and of a sudden decides to open up to me.) That is trust. Then I started to get to know her by opening up on her hobbies and what she like to do. Then during Xmas time I got her a gift a horse- the collectable ones. She also gave me her phone number. Then I called her to see what she is doing and she panicked on why I gave her the gift. Since I was leaving for my trip to go back home, she wanted to leave the gift on my desk and I said No, because I don;t want anyone at work to know. She agreed. So when I came back I did not talk to her and she called me and stating that my gift is here come and pick them up and I said No, you can keep it or give it away. She got mad. Then the next day she came to my desk and apologized. She said that she was not thinking and almost in tears. Well after since then we have been dating for 6 months. We would go out on Friday night , dinner, movie and on Saturday she would show me where she travels and we traveled up to the mountains. 2 months in the relationship Amy was stating that we need to do this, and go here like already planning 6 months down the road like wait till I grill hamburgers etc. during the summer During this time also we talked and she stated that she missed being held and her ex never did that etc. So she gave me hints. During my birthday she took me out to dinner. During her birthday I took her out. I would also pay for her dinner and movies even though she stated to me that she would like to pay but at times she did say I am paying and don;t argue with me. The 3rd month she stated that her parents want to meet me. I said ok. She stated her ex would never come into the house and the parents did not like that. Then 4 months into the relationship she stated that she appreciates that I did not pressure into intimacy. Then things starting heating up like kissing and holding hands and then intimacy. She even told me when her periods start and how she reacts to it. During all this time she has told me that she is happy around me and that she feels safe around. She stated that even her parents notice a big change in her and that she is not acting like a bitch. I told her I am glad you feel that way. That is wonderful to hear. She said that she is getting use to me. Then in May we planned going on vacation together for July. She was looking forward to it and showing me the lighthouses and going to visit her friend in Virginia Beach. I was also invited to dinner more times then you think by her parents. Everything was going great including intimacy for 2 months till this happened: June 11- We went out to dinner and movie. Then I asked her if she wanted to see me and she said that she was going with her parents to Blue Ridge NC. I said OK, cool. June 13- This is a sunday and she called me. She stated that she tried to reach me on Saturday but did not hear the cell phone. She stated her parents invited me to come with them to Blue Ridge NC. I was shocked. Then we did some errands and then we had intimacy. After it we went out to dinner and she was smiling and feeling good. She stated that she was looking forward to the vacation. June 14- Ask her to lunch and she said that she had some errands to do. June 15- Was not in the mood to go to lunch. June 16- Did not want to go to lunch. Did not ask to go to lunch the next day. Left her alone June 17- I did ask if she wanted company and she said No, and I said Are you ok and she said yes, and asked her if she was in those moods and she said No, just don;t want to be bother. We did not even go out or do anything for the weekend. When coming back to work, I asked her if she was mad at me and she said No, and if she is doing ok and she said yes and I told her I will wait around once she comes around. She said Ok. ( Also her parents were going out of town for 2 weeks till July 4). THe during the weekend I called her once and left a vm to see how she is doing. Did not talk to her at all. Then 3 days later I called and left her a vm. She called back and I said if she was doing ok. She said Fine. Then over the phone she told me that she was tired of all things all the time during the weekend. She also stated that she is feeling pressured in getting married and having kids(This is her parents who are doing this) She also stated to me that when she told me in the begginning that she wanted to get a house, a new car and then a boyfriend. I then asked about her vacation and she stated you can be mad at me that is ok but we are not going together. I was shocked. Then the next day I went up to her and asked her what did I do wrong. She stated to me that I am always around and that I am too attached. She also stated she is feeling pressured about marriage and having kids.( She knows that I don;t want to get married and dont; want to have kids). She was almost in tears. I told her that she did hurt me but she hestiated and looked away without looking into my eyes and said Cool. I said that don;t you have any feelings. She said that she has no feelings and have issues to work out. I then asked her if she has told her parents. She hestitated and looked away and came back and stated We already talked about it.( her parents are out of town and they never call unless an Emergecy with them) The shocker came to me that the reason why she came over that Sunday to have sex to see if she feels anything and she is not feeling it(B.S). I really find that hard to believe. I left her alone for 8 days. I then said Hi and she said Hi. As she was coming out of the door and I stated All I wanted to say Hi. She said that she knows and she was smiling. The next day I went up to her and this is how it went: Me: can we talk, Her: No(angry tone) Me: I just want to apologize for anything I did wrong. Her; She sighed. Me: I said that I will wait in the background for you. Her: she said don;t)( angry tone) Me: I had given you 8 days. Her: She said that she appreciates it but stretch it out a bit longer Me: ARe you ever going to talk to me Her: She said if you continue to make me mad I will not. I then walked away. Now it has been 14 days for no contact and i broke it the n/c rule. Here is what happened: July 16, 2004 when I went up to her at the front desk Me: I said Hi how are you. Her: she said Fine. Me: I said can we talk Her: About what Me; We just need to talk HEr: she said that she has to take care of things for her vacation. Me: Oh, So we are not going. her: I told you that we are not going. Now I have get back to work. Now this was not in an angry tone at all. One of my friends stated to me that I set myself back on all of this by talking to her. Now the N/C rule has to start all over. He stated that you have not given her enough time. He stated if you would not have talked to her during June then she might have come around. The time is the factor. He has experience in this and he stated that it takes some women 30 -60 days or maybe longer and the thing is how long are you willing to wait. He stated don;t you beleive that she will be thinking about this vacation alot because she planned this with you and now you are not going. Believe she will think about it because she is going alone. He stated it is not over by her comments. He stated if it was over she would have told you Don;t contact me ever, don;t talk to me ever etc. I don;t understand. Is she scared because the relationship is going too well and she is afraid of getting hurt? Everybody says so. Everybody says give her space and time, in which I have but seems forever. I have even talked to some women about this and they stated it is her and it is not you and she is confused. I mean her parents like me otherwise they would not have even invite me to the trip, dinner and they encourage her to find out what she is going to be doing with me. I don;t get it. I feel and I know I did nothing wrong. Everything went so well and I treated her with respect and never pressured into doing anything with her unless she wanted to. I think due the fact this is going well I feel that she might believe that I might hurt her if something goes wrong. I feel lost and don;t understand. She also knew in the beginning we talked that if she wants to tell me it is over or get bored that I would like face to face. I also stated if she feels that if she finds someone better then let me know also. She told me that she is a one woman man. Do I believe she is seeing anyone. No she is not. She still has not told me it is over otherwise you think she would tell me face to face. I believe that she is too attached and got scared. What more can I do. This is rough. This is one of the toughest test. I can see if we were arguing etc but that is not case. We were communicated very well until now. I still don;t believe it is over. Please advise. This is too hard. Does she want me to say Forget it is done or what. I am confused. At time it gets better and then at times it does not. Sometimes I feel I done something wrong, but I know I have not done nothing wrong.
StartingAgain Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 I can't begin to tell you what this woman wants or what is going on in her head. But none of it sounds terribly healthy. She is definitely screwing with your head, though it would be impossible to say why. She obviously is not ready for any sort of serious relationship. You need to leave this one alone. End the contact and don't contact her again. You work in the same place, so you will have to be professional at work. A good morning is all you ever need to say to her again. You know that this has nothing to do with you and that you did nothing wrong, so stop worrying about it. It's time to move on.
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