I want my ex back, need advice...

[Nick]

Ok, I will start from day 1. I was talking to my ex-girlfriend and we decided we should hang out some time because we did not see each other in like 2 years since the break up. I decided ok, and she asked to bring a friend. Her friend was with her when we were on the phone so I began to talk to her. At the end of the convo, she asked if she could call me later that night to talk. We began to talk every night for at least an hour. Then, the day came, and I met her and my ex at the mall. We got sick of the mall so we decided to go back to my ex's friends house. (the one i just met, her name is amber, and i will call her that from now on)

 

So we were back at amber's house, and my ex asked me what I thought about her. She wasn't the most attractive girl i've ever seen but she had the greatest personality and was very interesting. I told my ex this and I think she gave the hint to Amber that I was maybe interested. So we were all sitting there and watching movies when my ex decided to go up stairs for a few minutes. Just then Amber leaned over and kissed me. I really liked it and kissed her somemore. After that night we started hanging out every weekend. And this was during school so we didn't really hang out during the week.

 

After a few weeks we decided we were boyfriend and girlfriend. All during the school year we were great, and we went to different schools and stuff, and pretty much saw each other 2-3 times a week. It made us want to see each other more, the limited amount of time we had together. Finally the summer came, and we were with each other almost everyday. We were very happy for the first few weeks. Then all of a sudden we started fighting, and we started to grow apart.

 

Last week on July 9, friday, we were at her brothers graduation party and she said that it was over at the end of the night. She told me that she was not used to such long relationships, and it was new to her, and she was kind of scared. She also told me that at times I treated her like **** and didn't listen. (And to be honest, I wasn't the best boyfriend, and I had a temper) I got jealous many times and made her take guys that she just met out of her phone, even though she said they were just friends. And I believed her about them being friends but I got mad anyways. She said she was unhappy and wasn't feeling things the same as when we were during school year.

 

I think that we started hanging out too much for each other, and didn't give any breathing space for each other. And this is why we started to fight. I'm not sure but thats what i think. Also, I would have to admit, I did kind of treat her like ****, and took her for granted. I didn't realize how good I had it until she was gone. And I think I screwed up big time. We got mad at each other for the dumbest and littlelist things and thought back to ourselves, why did we get mad at each other for that?

 

She met a guy and was friends with him near the end of our relationship. And she started to hang out with him after we broke up this past week. I asked her if she liked him, and she said she doesn't know him enough to like him. But she has hung out with him 3 times since we broke up a week ago. I know for a fact she didn't cheat on me with him when we were going out and near the end. She is the most honest girl I've ever met and told me that she didn't. Also, to add, she put his name as a girls name in her cell phone book so that I wouldn't get jealous. (she also admitted this to me)

 

I've been talking to her and telling her how I feel, and asking about him. She told me alot about him, and the way he is, doesn't seem to be any more better than I was. She asked him to open the car door for her once, and he said no. (and yet I always open her door, well 99% of the time) And she also says I'm more attractive. This confuses me. Also, her best friend and some of her other friends told me that she said to them: "i was her first love" and "even when i move on, and am with another guy, i will still always like him". Also she told me that she see's us together in the future, but wants to meet other guys to realize how much she needs me. She say's that if she went out with this new guy she met, and broke up with him, she would wait till I'm single, and give me a 2nd chance. I told her, that I'm not going to be able to wait around forever, and that it makes no sense that she would go out with him when she said there is pretty much 100% we will get back together. Her best friend also said I have probably 100% chance of getting back with her in the future, but just not now. She said she needs time alone to think, but she goes off and hangs out with this guy that she is starting to become interested in. She also said that if she does go out with any guys, we will still hang out at least once a week, and if the guy that she does meet isn't fine with it, then she will still go against what he wants and hang out with me. She said he will have to deal with it.

 

Also, 3 days, after we broke up, we still had tickets for a concert so we went together. There was a song about love and breakup, and she started crying. Her mom called and asked her how the concert was, and she said good. Then her mom asked if she is takign things ok just being friends with me, and she started crying again. When I walked her to her car at the end, she hugged me for like 2 minutes and kissed me on the cheeks. I kind of pulled away cuz i was confused, and we stairs in each others eyes for like a minute. Her eyes were all teared up. I didn't know what this meant.

 

Also, When we were going out this summer, she has been wanting these shoes for basketball that she could never find in her size. Her and her mom looked everywhere near and they didn't have her size. So, i got a friend to order them off eastbay, cuz she works there. They were on sale now for 39.99. However, she is going to basketball camp this sunday, and really wanted them for that. But they wouldn't be in on time. So tuesday, I was shopping for a pair of shoes for myself, and went into this store like 60 miles away from where we are. I saw they had the shoes she had always wanted and I just was curious and asked if they had her size. They did, and I bought them for her for 79.99, 40 more than she would have paid. But I wanted to make sure she would have them for basketball camp. Because otherwise the eastbay order wouldn't have made it in time, and she knew that but wanted them anyways. So instaed of buying my shoes, I spent the money on her. And that same night I gave them to her. She first accused me of trying to buy her back, but apologized because I really meant it as something more than that. She appreciated it, but said that this won't change the way I feel, and only time will.

 

The thought of her getting with other guys in the future hurts soo much. I don't know what to do, because lately, I tell her that I will do anything to get her back And that I realized what big of mistakes I've made, and that I need to treat her better. I promised her if we got back together, I would go to anger management to help my jealousy and temper. I mean, ive never wanted anything as bad in life as to have another chance with her. I tried to explain to her: "I am super dedicated to her, and would do anything to be with her again. And I realized i took advantage of the relationship and would actually put forth a effort (and i really would). And I know I already love her." And I said: "what more do you want from a guy?" She said she doesn't know. But she says its annoying her that I keep calling her and talking about this stuff. She promised to not see this new guy because it is soo early after the break up, and said she won't see him or hang out with him until after she gets back from camp, after a week from sunday. She also said she will make a decision to come back to me, or to explore before she knows what she wants. I'm scared that she won't come back to me after.

 

We went out for 8 months, and I want to continue this time with her. What should i do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Nick]

I met Amber, we started dating and it was great during the school year. We saw each other 2-3 times a week. When summer came, it was great cuz we were with each other every day. Then we started to fight about nothing alot. We broke up on the friday, July 9th, about a little over a week ago.

 

Some of the reasons she broke up with me:

1) She dated guys, but never went steady for longer than 2 months with one, and ours was 7-1/2 going on 8 months.

 

2) She isn't happy anymore, because we have fought quite a bit during the summer. (And we fought about nothing, she got mad at me for absolutely nothing all the time. And the time I called her names during the fight, because of my temper, she can't get those out of her head.)

 

3) I get jealous to quickly, and don't let her have guy friends. (I want her to have guy friends, but I get jealous and it is really hard not to)

 

4) She is young, needs a chance to date other guys to realize she needs me.

 

Anyways, she met a guy on the 3rd of July, and they were friends, now since we broke up they hung out twice. She says she doesn't know him enough to like him, but is trying to see what the difference is between him and me. And what would make her realize that she needs me.

 

I call her and try to tell her how I feel & that I want a second chance, and she only gets mad, and tells me to stop talking about this stuff because I'm annoying her. But, I don't want her to forget about me because I want a 2nd chance. The only thing she did say was she needs to gain the same feelings back when we started going out. But is this possible, because through relationships things change, and feelings are always on an up or down constantly. Is it that she is scared and isn't used to such a long relationship?

 

So anyways, I can't stand the thought of her with another guy, but she isn't positive she likes this one because she says she hardly knows him yet. But why is she already looking? I want her back, what do I do?

 

She is coming over today around 3 PM, so I need advice quickly. It would greatly be appreciated. I also thought of getting her flowers, because I never did while we were going out, and she always told my friends she wanted flowers. But I never could afford them to get her them.

[loves2much]

Ok...she broke up with you correct? You say shes young..so i'm guessing you're probably around the same age as her...young! So here is my advice...don't neccisarily move on but see what else is out there. Give your ex girlfriend the space she needs maybe take a couple weeks just to relax and hang out with your friends and if at the end of that time period all you can think about is your ex girlfriend call her...see how shes doing and if you still get butterflys when you talk to her see is she wants to reconnect with you. Try calling her maybe before you take time to think and relax...then take your "time-out"

[Nick]

ok, so my g/f came over a little earlier than expected. Around noon instead of 3. I wasn't expecting it, but at least I took a shower lol. Anyways, we sat here and talked, and I asked her if I could have a second chance and she said "yes, but not yet". So we talked and I asked her how she expect us to be friends if she breaks my heart, and then 2 days later, hangs out with another guy? She didn't have an answer and got mad that I said that. She is leaving tomorrow for camp until thursday, and said she will make the decision to take me back or not. So when she left, I asked her if I could have one last hug and kiss, and she said "as long as we stay best friends." I agreed, and we hugged for like 2 minutes, than kissed. However, it seems as when i pulled away from the kiss, she was kind of holding on. Then we said goodbye, and she said she would call me tomorrow before she leaves for camp to say goodbye, and got mad when i said sure. She made me say yes. So I said yes and goodbye. Then she left.

 

Did anything here make a difference, or did anything good come out of this, or will?

[Nick]

Originally posted by loves2much

You say shes young..so i'm guessing you're probably around the same age as her...young!

 

Yes, I am 18 years old.

[Nick]

Tonight I was out bowling, and brought a girl to try to move on. But it didn't help. I can't stop thinking about amber. So i called her a few times, but she didnt answer her phone. She told me she was going to a grad party. Anyways, i called her friend and her friend told me she was at this campground. This is where this other guy works at, however, alot of her friends have campers up there too. So, I finally called her back a few times and she answered. She got pretty upset cuz i asked how she ended up there, and if she saw this guy. She promised me she wouldn't see him until she gets back from bball camp, and she leaves for tomorrow. She said she saw him out at the campgrounds and said hi as she walked passed him. I dunno if she is telling the truth, or that she was hanging out with him. But when i was talking to her, her friends were yelling hi to me in the background. However, she didnt want to talk to me. Finally, i called her later, and she was leaving the campgrounds and going home. What do i do.

 

PLZ I NEED ADVICE

[woodstok]

So we are in the same boat. My ex and i were together for 8 months. We were great but got into fights here and there and i could have been better to her and of course i only realized that after the fact. We lived together though and so our problem was we started acting like an old married couple and stopped going out together and we stopped spending time with friends. Anyways she broke it off and i was devestated, she said she needed space, time, and felt the spark was gone that we had. i asked for a second chance and she said she was just not sure at what she wanted and left it at that. So we talk often but i never call her, she always calls me, when we broke up i did not beg her or call her, in fact i went out of town and did not call her for about 2 weeks atr which she got mad at but anyways, i think just give it time, but stop calling her so much and you will see she will call you wondering why you have not called. I know its hard to not call, and yes its hard to think of the person you love with someone else, but if at all possible block it out of your head, it can be done trust me cause i do it, when i think of her with someone else i just say out loud "stop!!! quit thinking this stupid stuff" and it helps. I am trying to just let time do its thing and i have hope that we will be back together, although to me it sounds like you have a better chance if she told you she saw you guys together in the future, just give her time man and before you know it she will return. I hope it works out for you, then maybe it will give me hope and i can get my second chance......oh and if you do get a second chance dont mess it up, fix the problems you guys had and remeber when you laost her and how you felt and you will treat her 100 times better, i know when i get my second chance i will not f**k it up, you better believe me on that.

[Nick]

Ok, well she is on her way to basketball camp. Anyways, she called me at 8 this morning and told me goodbye, but talked to me for a bit while she packed the rest of her clothes and stuff. I was confused because the other guy called her this morning but she did not answer it but she called me then. She said: so he just left a message. But then I told her to bring a picture of me down, and then she is like well then it wouldn't be fair unless I brought a picture of him down. So I don't know what this means. She comes back on thursday, and me and her have a date set up, or a day. I need to plan a special date for her. I told her when she comes back to go on a date with me the night after she comes back, and then with him, the next. This is my idea. She asked if I would get mad if she picked him, and I told her yes. She said ok, but you still better call me all the time.

 

I'm thinking that if she doesn't pick me, then I will play the No Contact Game with her. Is this a good idea?

 

Also, does anyone have any good idea's for dates? Here is about her so you can help me decide on what I should take her out and do wit her: She is spontaneous, loves to do random things, she is athletic so she likes that kind of stuff, she likes to go some where where she can be herself and not to like a fancy restaurant. She really doesn't care what others think, she is kind of different. She doesn't dress to impress, doesn't care about make up, so i was thinking where can i take her where she can just be her. Advice and ideas are greatly needed.

[jw32802]

take her to the beach area maybe and walk on the beach afterwards. at night. i love that.

[Nick]

i was thinking like a picnic on the beach, and then a nice walk down the beach at night. Kind of like that do you mean?

[jw32802]

Yes thast perfect! thats my dream date

[Nick]

she said the perfect date is something sweet and romantic but also where she can be herself. And the beach is perfect. Hmm, this might be the factor which could win her back. This is what she told me, but she made no guarentees.

[jw32802]

Yes. she seems alot like me. dont have to wear makeup all the time, dont need something fancy all the time etc. Are a lot of girls like that? it seems to me that a lot of girls need all the fancy stuff all the time

[Nick]

And if this doesn't work, do you think the no contact idea is good? Because it still seems like she wants me to be a part of her life, and she needs me in it. Last night she said if things don't work out after the dates, she still wants me to be there, and that she 'needs' me to have a shoulder to cry on, because i'm the only person she can go to for that. Hmm, it's obvious she still has very great feelings for me, i think, but why is she playing these games?

 

After the weekend, is the no contact idea a good idea? Thoughts and advice please

[jw32802]

Yes NC is best. she needs to see that you are not waiting around. otherwise she has her cake and eats it too

[Nick]

should i start dating, or just not contacting her?

[jw32802]

I would start dating. Have you dated anyone since her?

[dasani08810]

i think, but why is she playing these games?

 

Because you're letting her! That's a bit much. Sure, go the "last chance" date route; then just disappear.

 

I think she's setting you up to be a fall back guy. As long as you let her, you will always be just that.

[Nick]

last night i took this girl on a date, that i liked before amber, and she is much more beautiful than amber in the physical attraction way. However, amber's personality makes her more beautiful, and she is like the person i need. I don't know what it is, but when i was out with this girl, I couldn't stop thinking about amber the whole time. You have to realize, I love this girl, and yet it's only been a week and 2 days since we broke up But it's too long for me. I can't stand not being with her or talking to her all the time. I remember when i used work, i was soo excited to get done and had something to look foward to doing, like going out with her after or just talking to her on the phone all night. I really miss that the most.

[Nick]

so what should i do? if im letting her play these games with me and makign me a reserve?

[jw32802]

what is it about ambers personality that is so much different than this other girl you dated last night or other girls you meet? Id love to know

[Nick]

I don't see it in many girls i've dated in the past or girls i try to look at now. I compare and I always pick amber. She's got this random, kind of funny personality. She is spontaneous, and doesn't give a **** what other people think: like the things she wears and the way she acts. She totally embarassed me tons of times in public like at the mall doing some random hyper things, but those r the little things that count. And, I've never met a girl so willing to ditch her friends like every day to come over and spend time with me. There were times when I went to my cousins like 200 miles away. And she had basketball tourneys. But after, she drove down there herself just to be with me. I don't know what, but I never met a girl like this. She didn't care about money, or me paying for her all the time. Half the time she paid for me for things. And I dunno, just the way I feel around her, and she makes me feel important and loved. She makes me feel safe and secure about myself.

 

This is pretty hard to find in other girls.

[jw32802]

Wow this is how i am. my ex is loaded and i just never cared and i paid half the time too. I think most girls are all about money and i think most girls want you to pay for everything

 

She is a rare find!

[Nick]

thanks, and she is a great catch i know. And I know she's a keeper, I just gotta give her the time and space I think so she knows what she wants. Like she said, there is a future for us in each other's lives, and she knows we will be together. She just wants to make sure, and kind of see how she can take it with me dating other people and her the same. She wants to know that she needs me she says. But she said there might be a chance of getting back together right when she gets back from vacation. Depends how the date goes.

[dasani08810]

Just tell her you love her and would like to make things work out; but, you are way too close to be her friend right now. You need time/space to sort out your own feelings and start to release the feelings you have for her. Ask her not to contact you during the time you are sorting; unless she decides what she wants FOR SURE.

 

This will do two things:

 

after time goes on, she'll start to miss you if what she said is true. That she needs your shoulder. When she starts missing you, she will still feel the ownership of where your "at" with her. You have told her what you feel and what you want; but you need to save yourself from the choice SHE made. After a time of no contact, I think she will wonder where your feelings are. If they're gone. All that.

 

And the other:

 

As time goes on, your feelings will diminish and you will feel a bit stronger to resist being a doormat.

 

But, I can tell you, as long as you try the friendship route with other motives, you will always be in limbo. Cut the contact. Let her feel you gone. After a while, you won't even care what she feels. I'm pretty much there already. The kicker for me; the thing that just sent me over the edge is that my ex ACTUALLY told me that if I cant' wait for her then there is something wrong with me.

 

Wait for her while she dates other guys??? I'd be FREAKIN NUTS to do something so STUPID!!!! They will push you to your limit. As long as they know you are there and want them, they will put you in whatever place they want you. Kinda like Play-Doh. F**k THAT!! I'll work on something till the cows come home if I believe in it. But, I will not bow and be some freakin wus at ANYONE's request. I'm WAYYY to good for that.

 

I'm thinkin soo much different these days. I've met a few women in the past few weeks. There is one in particular that has struck me. This new woman is really cool. She's educated, spunky, VERY ROMANTIC, financially set, and very very good in all the rooms in her house! LOL My ex was only ONE of those. So I'm thinking now; when was it that I let my ex shove my head that far up my a**? It was when she wanted to be "just friends" and tried to keep me hangin on.