5 dates with this guy.... then silence!

[kaylan]

I also made it clear early on that i didnt want to be messed around, to which he replied "i wouldnt be talking to you if i was going to mess you around. I like you". (this was only a week ago)

If I just started seeing a girl, I dont wanna hear stuff like this. I hate little warnings when I barely know a girl. It just comes off as insecure drama to me, and makes me put up my antennae so I can be on the lookout for strange behavior.

 

Then like tigressA said...you proceeded to send a text about not seeing you again that seemed very dramatic. Now if I was him, youd have set up my antennae twice. Twice is too quick for someone I just met.

 

This is just me though...and is only once possibility. Its also possible he just got busy...but like you said, you guys were talking pretty often...so it makes less sense. Also, its weird to let that last text go unanswered, like someone else pointed out.

 

All you can do is wait and just focus on meeting other people OP. I wouldnt worry much about this dude if he cant take the time to text you back anyways. Its easy to text someone back...and its easy to make excuses for why I didnt text them back. But its 2012 and people are generally glued to their phones...so they arent THAT busy where they cant answer a text 24 hours later.

 

EDIT: Just read your last post....dont waste time on this guy. Like someone else said...if a guy really likes you, he wont take forever to respond to you. Sure I might be like him and think things were moving fast, but if I liked you a lot as well, Id respond back swiftly and still wanna talk a lot. Id let you know upfront to slow your role as I dont want a girl being way more into me than Im into her.

 

And to be safe, since you already like this guy a bit...Do NOT sleep over or hook up with him until you have some form of commitment.

Edited August 29, 2012 by kaylan

[Emilia]

Thanks everyone!

Like i said he got back in touch, we spoke for hours on Sunday and then had a date Monday night. It was really nice, we had a good laugh and he asked me to stay over. But i declined, as i didnt want him to think i was going to sleep with him. Obviously he said nothing like that would happen and that he had respect and will power, but you never know!

 

We have now been on 6 dates and i get a feeling im maybe wasting my time, and its not going to turn into anything serious.

Dont get me wrong, i really like the guy. But he hasnt given me any indication that he wants to have a proper relationship with me.

Obviously he has asked me to stay over, ive met and had a chat with his flat mate, and we talk most nights and see each other a few times a week.

But i just get a feeling that after 6 dates if he really wanted to be with me he would be pulling his finger out a little more, and making it obvious if you get what i mean?

 

On the other hand i think if he was just after sex he would have got bored by now, since we have been on a fair few dates.

 

I wish i knew how the male mind worked sometimes!

 

From what I read in this thread I think he finds you insecure. You are probably right not to sleep with him because it wouldn't go anywhere, if you were confident enough for him you would have slept with him by now and you also wouldn't have sent the texts you did.

 

He knows you would get clingy if the two of you got into a relationship. I don't know whether he is even ready for one but it's clear that the two of you are not compatible.

 

I'd say move on and find a guy who is a bit more similar to you. This one will always freak you out.

[hopeful1985]

Thanks guys for all your advice, but i think its time to give up on this guy.

 

We swapped a few texts the night after our last date (monday).

But he has gone quiet again. So i think its best i just forget it and dont bother with him.

Its a shame cause i really did like this guy, but plenty more fish in the sea.

[Jane2011]

Entirely possible he's afraid he's getting in too deep, in spite of what he has said.

 

If he's thinking of bugging out -- scramming in panic -- the absolute WORST thing you could do is bug him -- because that just makes it much more likely that he will succumb to his panic attack (if that is what is going on).

 

My advice -- hard as it undoubtedly may be -- go silent. Let HIM wonder if you're getting ready to drop HIM -- that is the best way to help him get over HIS cold feet. He's gotten your message, now it's up to him.

 

Again, if you bug him now, you just guarantee that he's a goner.

 

I agree with this person. It seems to me that your guy is panicking. Guys are so crazy. They want intimacy, but it also freaks them out.

 

Yes, you must pull back a bit at times in order to pull him back in. I did it myself recently. Dating a guy who is very attracted to me, but every so often he seems a bit wary, like freaked out that I like him back, too, and that that might change his comfortable world as a bachelor. Every time he seems wary, I do something that pulls back. I don't mean standing him up or canceling dates on him. But, for instance, I was sensing wariness recently, so what I did was not show up to a thing (a political reading group he facilitates) that I kept saying "I'd try" to show up to. Given that I only said "I'd try" in the first place, there was no standing up about it anyway. But I fully think he was sure I was going to be there, to see him and eke out any opportunity to be around him. And I could have gone to the meeting, but I purposefully didn't just because I didn't want him to get too comfortable with the idea that he's "got me." (I wouldn't do this with a guy who wasn't acting slightly pulled-back and 'wary', but he was).

 

As soon as I didn't make it to that thing I said "I'd try" to make it to, he texted me asking for a date.

 

I don't like to play games with people, but I do mirror as I see fit, and react according to warmth levels I'm getting.

 

P.S. I replied without reading the whole thread, so consider my response to that which you said initially.

Edited August 30, 2012 by Jane2011