Hobbit Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Her “it’s the way I feel, it’s not you it’s me, you’ve done nothing wrong and you’re a good man but I don’t love you the way I used to” Me “don’t you want to salvage us? Come to counselling with me and we’ll try and sort it?” Her “No” Me “what do you want?” Her “I don’t know anymore, I just know it’s not you” Me “So who are you f***ing then, someone at your gym?” Her “I promise on our son’s life that there is no one else” Me "So lets sort this out?" Her "No" Sound familiar to anyone? I thoroughly believe it was because we had lost the spark / romance we had at the beginning, but doesn’t love change after seven years? And isn’t it is quite possible with a bit of effort that anyone can get it back? I just don’t understand why she doesn’t want to even try. My job is coming to an end soon (cheers recession) so I’ve been stressing out and trying to find a new one. I admit that my primary concern through the past months was trying to figure out how we are going to get through Christmas, but this is surely a sign that I’m committed to my family, not neglect? The past year I knew she was sad because she felt that a big part of her is missing. Note that she was/is searching for her real father but getting information out of her mother is like getting blood out of a stone (understand that her mother is quite unstable and depressed, many years ago I found her at her house with her wrists slit so any uncomfortable conversations are a no no). But I don’t think that this contributed to our break up because I supported her 100% and spent loads on tracing this person. I’m hoping this is just an extreme case of GIGS, but my councillor has made me realise that I have to accept that it’s over and move on. Her problems are not mine anymore but for some reason I still care. Thankfully I have loads of things to be getting on with so I can concentrate on myself for a bit (joined a gym, learning to drive, doing a night course in Graphic Design, job hunting, flat hunting and recently started DJ'ing / making music again) but there are lots of unanswered questions that eat away at me when I’m by myself. Could it be that I’ll never get an answer? My main concern is that if I don’t, I’m doomed to repeat my mistakes in a future relationship. Is there any real closure when a relationship ends?
Stand Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I signed up just to say I feel for you Hobbit. Ten years married here and we have a three and one year old. It is honestly beyond my grasp as to why anyone wouldn't want to try and salvage a relationship when you have kids involved. But as I have been told and as I have read on here it is probably for the best. Best of luck to you and your son.
Stanza Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 I feel for you as my story is similar but no children. You're doing the right things looking after yourself. It seems to be that she didnt' tell you / communicate and thus you can't blame it all on yourself. But I'm doing the same, trying to learn from it so as not to have to go through it again. All we can do.
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