missjay Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 When my boyfriend and I first met we hit it off instantly, and grew very close incredibly quickly over a matter of weeks. We learned all about each other's lives, likes and dislikes etc, and found that we had quite a lot in common. However, I told him lies about my experience with romantic/sexual relationships: very shortly after we first met, I told him that I had a boyfriend that I was living with, and during a conversation a few months ago I mentioned having had a boyfriend a few years back who I'd lost my virginity to. The truth is that I wasn't ever in a relationship or living with anyone when/before I first met him, and I'm still a virgin. To make matters worse, I've kept these lies up over the past few months, and I feel extremely guilty about it. We've spoken about sleeping together for the first time very soon, and I know that I need to tell him the truth, that I am actually a virgin and he has been the only one, but I'm pretty nervous and have no idea of how to go about it. I've not lied to him about ANY other aspect of my life, and I do realise how stupid and immature I've been in doing this. I guess that, when we first met and began talking, I just wanted to make my life seem slightly more interesting than it was at that time, and I really regret it now. I know that what I did was wrong, and I have to confess all of this to him, but as I mentioned before, I'm embarrassed and a little scared about doing so. I figure that the best thing to do would be to wait until I have a chance to speak with him about it face-to-face rather than online or over the phone, but I'm wondering whether I should write all of this down in a letter or something for him to read when we're together in person, or just come out with it all in conversation? I like him a lot, and I care about him deeply; the more my feelings for him have grown over these past few months, the more guilty I've felt for lying to him, and again, I know that it was an incredibly dumb thing of me to do, but I'm desperate to try and put it all right now. I'd appreciate your thoughts and any advice that you may be able to give me on this, as ridiculous as it is. Thank you.
shiftman Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 If you tell this story to him, the way that you told it to us, he should absolutely melt in your arms. If he doesn't, he is not the guy that you think he is. That said, what you did was wrong, but I can see where you already recognize that and want to atone for it. I admire you for that....... As far as the delivery method goes, here is my suggestion. Write it in letter form, but use that as a second option. Have a face-to-face conversation about it. Should he get upset or emotional and not be able to communicate, then give him the letter and ask him to read it when he is less upset. I would strongly advise against doing it via text, email or phone. Given the subject matter, this method might be construed as you being too ashamed to "look him in the eye". What you did was definately wrong, but it does not warrant that level of self-admonishment. The last suggestion that I have is to take care of this asap. No need to wait. 1
Art_Critic Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 If you tell this story to him, the way that you told it to us, he should absolutely melt in your arms. If he doesn't, he is not the guy that you think he is. Yeah... he should....
Author missjay Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 That said, what you did was wrong, but I can see where you already recognize that and want to atone for it. I admire you for that....... I knew it was completely wrong pretty much from the moment I began, but I felt that I went so far that in the end I couldn't stop, which was awful, and now I'm in this predicament. It was stupid of me to lie in the first place, let alone lie about what it is I've lied about. *sigh* I would strongly advise against doing it via text, email or phone. Given the subject matter, this method might be construed as you being too ashamed to "look him in the eye". What you did was definately wrong, but it does not warrant that level of self-admonishment. That is exactly the reason why I thought it would be best to either write it all in a letter to give to him to read or simply come out with it all in conversation, in person. Thank you very much for your response.
shiftman Posted August 25, 2012 Posted August 25, 2012 One of the best "old sayings" that I have ever heard is the one that goes like this: "As long as you tell the truth, you'll never have to remember anything." As you are now learning, lies often require other lies, etc., etc., etc.
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