MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 After days of him texting and calling, I broke NC last night. I'm glad I did because now there are no mixed messages, no potential for confusion. I told him that I need to leave his life, probably forever. I told him that even if he did the 180 I still would probably say no. I told him the pain is too much and that I can't stay in his life in the name of his happiness when, just by being in my life, he reminds me that he wouldn't stay in our relationship in the name of love. And now I feel... absolutely awful. I'm afraid that I'll get what I ask for and he's gone for good (I know, I know, he was gone anyway). I'm afraid he's going to feel pain in my absence that I can't help him with. I'm afraid that he'll hate me. I hate that this is what he has driven me to. I hate that he has done this to us. I hate that I have been treated the way I have and the only option I have left for stability is to lose a part of myself. But hey I guess now I have probably burnt that bridge I can truly move on and heal? I hope that process is quick. Sympathetic comments and encouragement are really, really welcome.
woodbeez Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 from checking on your earlier posts, it seems that you are leaving a person who has cheated on you and lied to you. something didn't work. it would be masochistic and destructive on your behalf to continue the RS, or let alone just stay in contact. you "lost" a part of yourself not because of your wrongdoings, if the person has cheated on you, he lost that part of you, and he is the one who has to deal with it now and for the rest of his life. the process is not quick but it's much easier. first because you know you're doing something to heal and to be able to move on, and second - because it actually works. yes, NC works. it just takes time. delete the number, block from everywhere, etc. and if you find yourself in a moment of weakness just count to 10 and ask yourself: what will I gain from this? you know the answer.
SadPanda22 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) I am really sorry that you are going through this, I know how absolutely painful it is. Good for you for deciding to go NC, it really is the best thing that you can do for yourself. Make a list of all the reasons you shouldn't contact your ex, or make a list of all the mean things he has done to you, and refer to these lists if you get the urge to break NC. Heck, post on here asking for encouragement instead of contacting your ex, LS is here to help you. I understand the guilt that you're feeling as well. My ex broke up with me, and then continued to contact me afterwards....it was all breadcrumbs though. I ignored him and blocked him. It is going on 4+ months NC, and I am starting to feel like the bad guy here. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not ignoring him to punish him, I am doing it for myself so that I can heal and move on, and that certainly does not make me a bad person. It is still really hard, I think I have hit the "guilt phase" of the grieving process. I wish I could tell you that it is a quick process, but it isn't, at least not for me. Hang in there, be strong, try to stay busy, and start focusing on being the best you that you can be. Edited August 23, 2012 by SadPanda22
Loca_loca Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 If he has wronged you and the relationship cannot be rebuilt, you have to let go. NC hurts but from the sounds of it, you were doing well, Lord knows I'm weak when it comes to NC. You need to do it for you. For your healing. He is not your responsibility. Some days are easier than others but every day without contacting him is a small victory! Respect yourself and get him out of your life! If only I were able to take my own advice! :bunny:
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 Thank you guys for your support. I know I'm going to have good days and bad days and I know that I'm going to miss him enormously. I'll get used to that after a while. I already am. After I found out that he'd started a relationship with the girl he's now with, I felt very much as though someone I love had died and went through the grieving process. The man who I thought he was just wasn't there anymore and something else had replaced him. Maybe it was my perception of him that died. When fantasy clashes with reality, reality will always win. you "lost" a part of yourself not because of your wrongdoings, if the person has cheated on you, he lost that part of you, and he is the one who has to deal with it now and for the rest of his life. I must keep reminding myself of this. I struggle with feelings that I'm responsible for everyone and everything but this time I know that I'm not. This is not the way I wanted things to be. I wanted to work through our issues and ride off into the sunset with him. The situation is his doing not mine.
TaraMaiden Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I wish we could meet, and then we could hug face to face. Once you go over your month's membership/100 posts, maybe, if you want, you can PM me, and we'll get together for a beer. Or 2.
rach24680 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 After days of him texting and calling, I broke NC last night. I'm glad I did because now there are no mixed messages, no potential for confusion. I told him that I need to leave his life, probably forever. I told him that even if he did the 180 I still would probably say no. And now I feel... absolutely awful. I'm afraid that I'll get what I ask for and he's gone for good (I know, I know, he was gone anyway). I'm afraid he's going to feel pain in my absence that I can't help him with. I'm afraid that he'll hate me. I hate that this is what he has driven me to. I hate that he has done this to us. I hate that I have been treated the way I have and the only option I have left for stability is to lose a part of myself. But hey I guess now I have probably burnt that bridge I can truly move on and heal? I hope that process is quick. Sympathetic comments and encouragement are really, really welcome. you say theres no mixed messages and you're using the word PROBABLY? if someone said that to me i'td sound like hope for rekindling in the future. Now when you break up with someone you feel all the things you've been saying, they've gone for good, they hate you, you loose a part of yourself, it'l get worse before it gets better, but NC helps you along quicker, and even though you thought you was doing the right thing in contacting him back, it's made you feel bad again. keep up the NC
Author MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 I wish we could meet, and then we could hug face to face. Once you go over your month's membership/100 posts, maybe, if you want, you can PM me, and we'll get together for a beer. Or 2. Deal! Absolute deal!
ThatJustHappened Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Congratulations on taking this step! I know it feels awful now..I've definitely been there. I was on/off with a cheating lying POS for 5 years. It was ROUGH getting over him (he was a jerk but I was in love with him and completely willing to overlook all the awful stuff he did to me..don't get me started..I have so many stories about him that would make you laugh at how naive and stupid I was), but it is absolutely possible and now, 3 years later, I STILL occasionally smack myself lightly in the head and go "what the **** was I thinking???". He has tried to pursue me several times since I went NC and I have ZERO interest in him now. It gets better. You had your 'last straw' moment. You know what? The pain doesn't even last that long. Less than 6 weeks for me!
ThatJustHappened Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I wish we could meet, and then we could hug face to face. Once you go over your month's membership/100 posts, maybe, if you want, you can PM me, and we'll get together for a beer. Or 2. PS. Tara, you crack me up! Wish I could join you ladies for this!
ThatJustHappened Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 (He's no lady - but I am..... ) Oops! My bad! 1
Recommended Posts