Why do men need confident personality but women not.

[Lonely Ronin]

I like the shy ones, but they're so easily startled and flustered... Sometimes I think I scare them.

 

Imo the ones you fluster are insecure, not shy.

[Feelsgoodman]

Because women have tits and ass. And they don't even need to be that nice either.

 

Just so you know, men and women aren't playing the same game.

 

Women hardly need to do anything to get a man. And most of the things women do are superfluous.

I have an ass too. Tits...not so much, but I've got other things to make up for that, if you know what I mean.

 

The reason why women hardly need to do anything to get a man has nothing to do with tits and ass. It's all about social conditioning. Western men have been socially engineering to be desperate, sexually frustrated pussy beggars. From an early age, they are conditioned to "pursue", "chase" and "woe" girls. Women, on the other hand, are conditioned to see themselves as princess and to regard their pussy as a prize to be won.

[fortyninethousand322]

The reality is that "decent" is a highly subjective term.

 

I don't think the average woman has to work very hard to get me. All she has to do is show up, act cordial towards me and I'm in love.

 

Problem is I'm not a "decent" guy. I'm far below average. Not necessarily in looks (because I have no idea about that) but definitely in every other area of life.

[kaylan]

Goodness, we're talking about confidence not being a complete social neanderthal.

 

I'm talking about making moves (like going for a kiss or asking the girl out or initiating something) and being genuinely comfortable with yourself. Those are things that are a requisite for a man. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying it like it is.

No offense, but I find it weird how men who have no success with women when it comes to relationships or sex, speak as if they truly know the ins and outs of the game.

 

I can tell you from experience, that in this day and age, when some girls really want you, they will come after you, ask you to chill, and jump your bones to get what they want. As long as youre receptive, those kind of women will make things happen.

 

There are a lot of women out there who make moves. Just because a few lazy female posters on the internet talk about what is and isnt the "mans job" doesnt mean the general population of women think the same way. And just because women arent making moves on you does not mean they arent making moves on anyone else. Clean yourself up, put on some nice clothes, and come out with me several weekends in NY.

 

Trust me, there will be some women who will either meet you have way half way, or jump the gun if you wont. As long as you seem into it and willing, some women have enough confidence to tell you that you two should hang out, or kiss you first, or even unbuckle your pants to tell you she wants you right then and there.

 

It really all depends on the girl. Not all women are confident, but I wouldnt say most of them lack it either.

[Lonely Ronin]

No, women do not need to put in work to get a decent guy.

 

Whats your definition of decent?

 

Most of the women I know had to put in work to get a decent guy. One woman in particular comes to mind, she is smart, funny, outgoing, nice, and very pretty (and she knows it). However she had to work "very hard" (her words) to win over her bf (imo below her in every category).

[fortyninethousand322]

No offense, but I find it weird how men who have no success with women when it comes to relationships or sex, speak as if they truly know the ins and outs of the game.

 

I can tell you from experience, that in this day and age, when some girls really want you, they will come after you, ask you to chill, and jump your bones to get what they want. As long as youre receptive, those kind of women will make things happen.

 

There are a lot of women out there who make moves. Just because a few lazy female posters on the internet talk about what is and isnt the "mans job" doesnt mean the general population of women think the same way. And just because women arent making moves on you does not mean they arent making moves on anyone else. Clean yourself up, put on some nice clothes, and come out with me several weekends in NY.

 

Trust me, there will be some women who will either meet you have way half way, or jump the gun if you wont. As long as you seem into it and willing, some women have enough confidence to tell you that you two should hang out, or kiss you first, or even unbuckle your pants to tell you she wants you right then and there.

 

It really all depends on the girl. Not all women are confident, but I wouldnt say most of them lack it either.

 

Ever heard of the expression "those who can't do, teach"? It's a very similar concept to what I write on here.

 

I might not have ever kissed a girl, but I have eyes and ears and I have friends. I take in what I see and hear from their lives and their situations. Process it and learn about it. I am a thinkist, not a doist.

 

Sometimes, when a woman really wants a guy she'll jump his bones. But it's far from a universal thing. Then again, you live in New York City, so I guess anything goes there.

[proseandpassion]

If I can't look someone in the eye it's not because I am not confident. It's because I usually think said person is attractive/interesting/ or I have a crush on them, and I am fearful of blushing.

[Necromancer]

No offense, but I find it weird how men who have no success with women when it comes to relationships or sex, speak as if they truly know the ins and outs of the game.

 

I can tell you from experience, that in this day and age, when some girls really want you, they will come after you, ask you to chill, and jump your bones to get what they want. As long as youre receptive, those kind of women will make things happen.

 

There are a lot of women out there who make moves. Just because a few lazy female posters on the internet talk about what is and isnt the "mans job" doesnt mean the general population of women think the same way. And just because women arent making moves on you does not mean they arent making moves on anyone else. Clean yourself up, put on some nice clothes, and come out with me several weekends in NY.

 

Trust me, there will be some women who will either meet you have way half way, or jump the gun if you wont. As long as you seem into it and willing, some women have enough confidence to tell you that you two should hang out, or kiss you first, or even unbuckle your pants to tell you she wants you right then and there.

 

It really all depends on the girl. Not all women are confident, but I wouldnt say most of them lack it either.

 

I think it depends where you live. I went to London few months ago and gals where making eye contact and smiling 10 times more than in my home country. Actually, it felt great.

[kaylan]

While I was making my post, I had a thought similar to yours.

 

No, women do not need to put in work to get a decent guy.

 

Women do need to put in work if they are trying to get an above average guy that is desired by a lot of women. That means that the guy has a lot of women after him. In most cases, guys don't have several women chasing them. That's when women have to work and compete with each other.

Says the guy who lacks experience with women? Not trying to be harsh...just realistic.

 

As a man whos dated around, has had his hookups, and has experienced love in relationships, I can tell you that you are off the mark. Im an average decent guy. I dont think Im highly desired by many women. I have my strong points and my weak points...and Im just trying to be humble and modest about who I am.

 

With all that being said, a woman would have to really, really, wow me in order to be my girlfriend. I know what I want, and I know what gets my heart going...and its a rare girl that gets me to that point. I dont have many women chasing me either.

 

My point is, is that theres no reason why an average decent bloke should not make a girl work to get him or prove herself. I think men and women should be doing this instead of settling for whatever falls in their lap.

[pteromom]

The reality is that "decent" is a highly subjective term.

 

I don't think the average woman has to work very hard to get me. All she has to do is show up, act cordial towards me and I'm in love.

 

Problem is I'm not a "decent" guy. I'm far below average. Not necessarily in looks (because I have no idea about that) but definitely in every other area of life.

 

I agree with you that "decent" is subjective.

 

But dude... why so rough on yourself? I don't know you, but here's what I know:

 

- You are good at articulating your thoughts.

- You are good at honest communication.

- You can spell and use proper sentence structure.

 

That's already 3 points in your YES column, even knowing NOTHING else about you.

 

You need to start focusing on what you CAN offer to a woman instead of what you CAN'T.

 

And if you truly feel you are below average in "every other area in life", then start making some changes!

[kaylan]

Ever heard of the expression "those who can't do, teach"? It's a very similar concept to what I write on here.

Im sorry, but dating doesnt apply to that. And many other things dont either. Thats like a virgin trying to coach me into being a great lover...come on now.

 

I might not have ever kissed a girl, but I have eyes and ears and I have friends. I take in what I see and hear from their lives and their situations. Process it and learn about it. I am a thinkist, not a doist.

Again...experience in a situation is much different from watching others do it. I cannot give advice to someone about firing a pistol just because Ive watched a number of youtube videos, have buddies who shoot, and play call of duty. Id need to actually shoot the gun to truly know how to apply any of my knowledge and to hone a better perspective.

Sometimes, when a woman really wants a guy she'll jump his bones. But it's far from a universal thing. Then again, you live in New York City, so I guess anything goes there.

Its not just NYC...its many places. A guy jumping a womans bones isnt universal either. There has been times where I have been shy around a particular girl, or outright oblivious to what she wanted me to do, and she just made a move.

I have never in my life been asked out by a woman. Something tells me if you ain't universally attractive to women you have to do the asking or nothing will happen.

Women have made moves on me and asked me to hang out with them in the past. And Im not universally attractive by a long shot. Some women find me cute, others may not. The only thing I can say with certainty about my physical appearance is that I keep my body in good shape, but its not like women can see my definition and my build completely through the clothing I normally wear.

Edited August 23, 2012 by kaylan

[pteromom]

No, women do not need to put in work to get a decent guy.

 

Women do need to put in work if they are trying to get an above average guy that is desired by a lot of women.

 

This is a different kind of work. This is playing the "alpha woman" game. "Hey, look. I can get the hot guy everyone else wishes they had!"

 

This type of "work" doesn't stem from confidence, but from insecurity.

 

HERE's the type of work a woman has to put in to get a decent guy AKA the right guy for her:

 

- She has to get to know herself, and what she really wants out of life.

- She has to figure out what her "dealbreakers" are.

- She has to go through the painful experiences that teach her that she had the completely wrong list of dealbreakers!

- She has to date a bunch of men who are all wrong for her.

- Then HOPEFULLY she will find a guy who accepts her, complements her, and has the same goals in life and the same values.

 

It's a lot of work. Don't kid yourself into thinking pretty women have it easy. Do pretty women get a lot of attention? YES. Do they get asked out a lot? Sometimes, depending on the vibe they give off and where they hang out. Does being pretty make it easier to find the right guy? Not necessarily.

[fortyninethousand322]

Im sorry, but dating doesnt apply to that. And many other things dont either. Thats like a virgin trying to coach me into being a great lover...come on now.

 

Bah, it's not exactly the same thing, but yes it is technically possible.

 

 

Again...experience in a situation is much different from watching others do it. I cannot give advice to someone about firing a pistol just because Ive watched a number of youtube videos, have buddies who shoot, and play call of duty. Id need to actually shoot the gun to truly know how to apply any of my knowledge and to hone a better perspective.

 

You keep using bad analogies. I don't need to be in a relationship to know what's wrong with it. I don't need to be dating someone to know how to tell if a girl is or isn't into you.

 

But yeah, you could probably watch a youtube video and figure out how to fire a pistol. I have a friend who does gun videos and they're actually quite informative.

 

Its not just NYC...its many places. A guy jumping a womans bones isnt universal either. There has been times where I have been shy around a particular girl, or outright oblivious to what she wanted me to do, and she just made a move.

 

Again, it's about generalities. A man's job is to be confident. A woman can be confident too, but it's not really her job in the way that it is a man's job.

 

That's all I said. I didn't offend anyone and I don't see why what I'm saying gets such reactions out of people.

[Snowman219]

It's the man's job to be confident. It's always been this way and always will be this way. If you don't like it, well, that's just too bad I guess.

 

This isn't the bronze age bro.

[fortyninethousand322]

This isn't the bronze age bro.

 

Ok. Doesn't change the truth in what I said.

[Lonely Ronin]

HERE's the type of work a woman has to put in to get a decent guy AKA the right guy for her:

 

- She has to get to know herself, and what she really wants out of life.

- She has to figure out what her "dealbreakers" are.

- She has to go through the painful experiences that teach her that she had the completely wrong list of dealbreakers!

- She has to date a bunch of men who are all wrong for her.

- Then HOPEFULLY she will find a guy who accepts her, complements her, and has the same goals in life and the same values.

 

And this just get her to the starting line. Once in a relationship, a decent guy is going to expect equal amounts of give and take, and that's a lot of work.

[pteromom]

And this just get her to the starting line. Once in a relationship, a decent guy is going to expect equal amounts of give and take, and that's a lot of work.

 

Although - at 44 years old, after years of being married and watching my friends and seeing which ones are happy and in love still, and which ones are miserable and lonely, I wonder how much truth there is to the whole "marriage is work" thing.

 

It seems to me that the ones who are happiest - the ones who are still in love with each other after 10, 15, 20, 30 years together, are the ones who have an easy-going friendship and who are on the same page as far as affection, sex, individualism vs. couple, finances, etc. Doesn't mean there is a right or wrong way to be in any of these areas - just that the happiest marriages seem to be between those who don't need much "work" to keep it happy.

[Tea Leaf]

Imo the ones you fluster are insecure, not shy.

 

Haha, I guess. I don't suppose there's an easy way to tell the difference?

[kaylan]

Bah, it's not exactly the same thing, but yes it is technically possible.

Technically? Oh come on...the point is that there is wisdom in experience. Thats why experience people coach and lead teams of players or workers.

 

You keep using bad analogies. I don't need to be in a relationship to know what's wrong with it. I don't need to be dating someone to know how to tell if a girl is or isn't into you.

 

But yeah, you could probably watch a youtube video and figure out how to fire a pistol. I have a friend who does gun videos and they're actually quite informative.

Its not a bad analogy. Watching a gun video made by someone whos never fired a gun, wont make you good at shooting it.

 

And you do need dating experience to know what women are truly like with men. You are making all of these assumptions about women and you have never been out there with them. Just because some friends tell you some things, does not mean what they say to you is true for all men and women.

 

You and somedude81 make these big generalizations, and I and other posters have told you guys now, and in the past, that we have experienced things differently.

 

Again, it's about generalities. A man's job is to be confident. A woman can be confident too, but it's not really her job in the way that it is a man's job.

 

That's all I said. I didn't offend anyone and I don't see why what I'm saying gets such reactions out of people.

A womens job is to be confident as well. Thats everyones job. How can a woman make a good wife and mother if she isnt confident?

[fortyninethousand322]

You and somedude81 make these big generalizations, and I and other posters have told you guys now, and in the past, that we have experienced things differently.

 

It's not a big generalization to say that men have to be good at some things and women have to be good at others. I've never said either gender has things easier or harder just that things are what they are.

 

And I never shoot anyone down for reporting a differing experience. But people aren't well served by preparing themselves for the exceptions that prove the rule. Look, men have to have a certain level of confidence and security in certain ways that women don't necessarily have to have. That doesn't mean women don't have to have confidence in other ways and in other contexts.

 

Your experience is a useful data point. As my lack of experience is.

[threebyfate]

Why do men need confident personality but women not.

 

Why do women need breasts and vaginas when men don't?

[M30USA]

Just look at the divorce/custody situation and it explains everything:

 

If a man has problems with money/confidence/stability, then the courts will rule he is an unfit father; if a woman has problems with money/confidence/stability, the courts will rule that the man should help her and yet she should still be the mother.

[somedude81]

I have an ass too. Tits...not so much, but I've got other things to make up for that, if you know what I mean.

 

The reason why women hardly need to do anything to get a man has nothing to do with tits and ass. It's all about social conditioning. Western men have been socially engineering to be desperate, sexually frustrated pussy beggars. From an early age, they are conditioned to "pursue", "chase" and "woe" girls. Women, on the other hand, are conditioned to see themselves as princess and to regard their pussy as a prize to be won.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

 

Because of western culture, women only need to be a woman to get men. It really isn't hard.

Whats your definition of decent?

To me, a decent guy is physically average and has an OK job that will pay the bills while having some left over for fun. He lives in a clean, safe place.

 

He's kind, humorous, respectful, not a push over, can lead the relationship and is supportive.

Most of the women I know had to put in work to get a decent guy. One woman in particular comes to mind, she is smart, funny, outgoing, nice, and very pretty (and she knows it). However she had to work "very hard" (her words) to win over her bf (imo below her in every category).

Based on that list, I just can't see woman having to work "very hard" to get a guy like that.

 

There has to be more that she was after.

Says the guy who lacks experience with women? Not trying to be harsh...just realistic.

My lack of experience has no relevance to what you quoted. I'm not giving advice or anything like that.

As a man whos dated around, has had his hookups, and has experienced love in relationships, I can tell you that you are off the mark. Im an average decent guy. I dont think Im highly desired by many women. I have my strong points and my weak points...and Im just trying to be humble and modest about who I am.

 

With all that being said, a woman would have to really, really, wow me in order to be my girlfriend. I know what I want, and I know what gets my heart going...and its a rare girl that gets me to that point. I dont have many women chasing me either.

And that is your personal experience. You are picky in who you want to be in a serious relationship with.

 

Has it occurred to you that you may be pickier than most men?

 

My point is, is that theres no reason why an average decent bloke should not make a girl work to get him or prove herself. I think men and women should be doing this instead of settling for whatever falls in their lap.

And why should a woman work to prove herself to a guy when many, many decent guys would take her as she is?

This is a different kind of work. This is playing the "alpha woman" game. "Hey, look. I can get the hot guy everyone else wishes they had!"

 

This type of "work" doesn't stem from confidence, but from insecurity.

 

HERE's the type of work a woman has to put in to get a decent guy AKA the right guy for her:

 

- She has to get to know herself, and what she really wants out of life.

- She has to figure out what her "dealbreakers" are.

- She has to go through the painful experiences that teach her that she had the completely wrong list of dealbreakers!

- She has to date a bunch of men who are all wrong for her.

- Then HOPEFULLY she will find a guy who accepts her, complements her, and has the same goals in life and the same values.

 

It's a lot of work. Don't kid yourself into thinking pretty women have it easy. Do pretty women get a lot of attention? YES. Do they get asked out a lot? Sometimes, depending on the vibe they give off and where they hang out. Does being pretty make it easier to find the right guy? Not necessarily.

She has to get to know herself, and what she really wants out of life.

 

Not going to argue with you about that.

 

She has to figure out what her "dealbreakers" are.

 

Same as above.

 

She has to go through the painful experiences that teach her that she had the completely wrong list of dealbreakers!

 

Completely unnecessary unless her dealbreakers was something retarded like, must be 6 ft tall, blonde hair, drives a sports car and plays in a band.

 

She has to date a bunch of men who are all wrong for her.

 

Again, completely unnecessary. There is no reason why the first guy she dates couldn't be great for her. As long as she has a good head on her shoulder, and doesn't have a stupid list of requirements, she doesn't have to get used and abused.

 

Then HOPEFULLY she will find a guy who accepts her, complements her, and has the same goals in life and the same values.

 

Same as above. No reason why she can't get that from her first boyfriend.

Edited August 24, 2012 by somedude81

[GravityMan]

I know many and I can almost guarantee that most people here do as well.

 

Cosigned. Most people I know...family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, etc...both women and men...generally come across as pretty confident people. I doubt they would have accomplished half of what they did in their lives if they didn't have a confident can-do demeanor. It is key to being interesting, fun and successful. Of course, most of them have an insecurity here and a sensitivity there in some specific thing(s). That's normal.

 

OP comes across as bitter. It might do him some good to stop thinking so hard about every little thing and just get out there and live life every now and then.

[Lonely Ronin]

Haha, I guess. I don't suppose there's an easy way to tell the difference?

 

not with out talking to them...