WWDDFD Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Okay this girl I know has a guy totally obsessed with her, and she doesn't want anything to do with him. I don't know much about him, but right now he's threatening to kill himself because she doesn't want to be with him (second time he's done this). She has no idea what to do about it, and frankly neither do I. He lives all the way in Texas (we're in New York) so there's not much we can do physically about the situation, so I told her my advice would either be to call the police, or call a suicide hotline and ask them for advice about what to do. I don't know if she wants to do that though, and I can't because I don't know the entire situation. What does everyone else think? This is happening right now, by the way, so urgency is appreciated.
midori Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 If someone who is far away from you is threatening suicide, the best thing you can do is to alert the local authorities about his threat. Get all the information about him you can: address, age, etc. If you can keep him on the phone while calling information/his local police from another phone, that would be good. If he's not on the phone with you, gather your thoughts for a moment so that you can calmly report to the police exactly what he has said, the general context, etc., so that you can give the police as much relevant information as possible.
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 I don't know if she wants to do that though Please try to persuade her to do it. He never needs to know who reported him but she could be saving a life. It's unfortunate that he's putting this on her, but he's still a human in distress and deserves a hand.
Author WWDDFD Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 She doesn't want to call the police. She's afraid it'll just make things worse. He already knows she'd be the one who called, because she told him. this was his response when she told him she would call the police: "They'll never make it in time....I'm at least 20 minutes from the closest police....and if I do it how I was originally going to....it won't take me but like...maybe 5 minutes...probably less....it's like...less than 10 ft. away....all I have to do is get it out from under the bed...and it's already loaded..."
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Yes, but that assumes, obviously, that he would know when the police were called. If they know he has a loaded gun, they're not about to arrive with sirens blaring. Now I'm confused - is he threatening to kill himself anyway or only if someone is called???
Author WWDDFD Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 He says he's going to do it regardless. I think he was just trying to make her not call the police. Here's what he's said earlier: I'm gonna go do this....I can't just wait here with this pain....I've been carrying too long as it is....at least now you won't have to put up with my stupid **** ......I'll put the answer to your last question below....I love you....sorry that it wasn't enough.....better luck next time I guess, well...at least for you....don't worry....this isn't your fault...it's mine....so your concience is clear....I'll make sure nobody calls you and harrasses you about it....I've gotta go write out a few things now before I do this....goodbye.... I'm not meaning to do anything to you...the only thing that I ever meant to do to you was love you.....I'm doing it, because I can't eat...I can't even sleep....and when I start to be able to again...when I start to be happy again...I'm screwed over by life again....I'm tired of hurting....so I'm putting a stop to it....I don't know how....but I am....it's just too much pain to bear alone....I'm not strong enough....and without you....I'm far weaker....I just can't do it anymore... Goodbye....I hope the rest of your life goes better for you and that you find who you really want to be with....and I'm sorry that I couldn't be that person for you.... Oh yeah....and don't worry....I can do this without tears, because I've finally resigned myself to my fate... But I'll leave you with this song I heard today "Song About Us" by Cheap Suits....I think you might like it....and maybe someday it'll mean more to you when you have someone you can love...
Author WWDDFD Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 this is over instant messenger, by the way.
Author WWDDFD Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 yeah, talking as we speak. Just said "I don't want to get blood all over my parents' bedroom....I'd rather do it in my room....I think that I'll go with a picture of you in one hand and Teddy under my arm....he was always there for me before....he'll be there for me this one last time...." He's making her cry =(
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Can she contact someone - the suicide hotline maybe? Or is she on dialup?
Author WWDDFD Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 She's on cable, and she can use her cell... but she keeps saying she really doesn't want to call anyone because it will make things worse. Gah. She's shy so I think calling someone would be very intimidating for her.
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Well how will she feel if the guy does it? A whole lot worse, I'm guessing. For goodness' sakes! This is - apparently - somebody's life we're talking about!!!!!!
UCFKevin Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 If he wanted to do it, he'd have done it already. He wouldn't make a big deal about it. He wants attention. People who kill themselves don't make a big to-do about it, or make threats, they do it very quietly, leave notes, stuff like that. Generally speaking.
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Really not a good idea to generalize. In fact, just the other day here a man threatened suicide, the police were called, and after a standoff, he did it.
lydiamarie Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 but he still needs help because threatening suicide and this awful emotional manipulation is not normal
supermom Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 i didn't think my aunt would do it...but one day she did. take this seriously
UCFKevin Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Oh, of course he needs help, which is what he's crying out for.
Author WWDDFD Posted July 17, 2004 Author Posted July 17, 2004 he "couldn't go through with it". Sigh. I just know the jackass is going to do this again to her though. And I can't convince her to call anyone about him either. I'm left with the impression that he's doing this to manipulate her, because he got what he wanted. She wanted to break off all contact with him, but now she's talking to him again.
UCFKevin Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Manipulating her? Seems like you couldn't be more right. That's what it sounded like to me to begin with. Obviously it would be a very tricky game for her to just say next time, "Then do it. Quit screwing around and kill yourself if you really want to." Of course, he could just say, "Fine, I'm just being stupid," or he could really kill himself. Honestly, this is pretty awful, but I've used the reverse psychology bit twice on people I know, who were "suicidal" and I told them to just do it if they're gonna do it, quit planning and just go jump off a bridge, and they both admitted they were being idiots and never mentioned suicide again. Like I said, tricky game.
lydiamarie Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 this is too much for her to deal with-and it's not something that anyone wants or expects her to deal with (except for the awful man who is putting her through this). help your friend find the strength to call someone about him and then cease all contact.
moimeme Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 If he ever takes his loaded gun and decides to actually go ahead - and maybe take out a few more people with him - she'll feel wretched which is why she would be wise to report him to somebody. He's clearly unstable - the question is how much so. You're right, he could just be a manipulator. Or he could be dangerously disturbed. Next time she should call the police anyway. If they turn up at his door once, that will surely straighten him up if he's just being an idiot - or it will get him help if he's disturbed. Either way, he'll quit doing it. OTOH, if she blocks his email, calls, and every other possible means of communication, he can't make empty threats any more and if the whole point is to try to manipulate her attention, he'll not be able to do so if he can't reach her.
ladyangel Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 At the very least, she should contact his parents/family and let them know what is happening with him. Unfortunately, it's usually the family that is the last to know in situations like this.
lydiamarie Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 At the very least, she should contact his parents/family right. they should be able to do something and she should be able to get ahold of them, it sounds like he lives with them.
Mr Spock Posted July 17, 2004 Posted July 17, 2004 Maybe I'm cold-vulcan, even-but if a guy said that to me? And I didn't want anything to do with him? I'd hang up, and stop taking his calls. Because I would KNOW that whatever happened was not my fault. He's torturing her, on purpose, because he can. Wether or not he commits suicide is irrelevant. He can't have her love and affection so he's taking her pity and worry instead. What a scumbag. If he's off balanced enough, eventually he'll be threatening her. What I read? "Sniffle. Poor me. You don't like me. Maybe if I keep this up you'll feel sorry for me and give in to my emotional terrorism" I don't have patience for that sh*t. Go ahead. Kill yourself. Make my damn day. It's so immature.
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