Idontknowwhatto Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Before I start, I start individual therapy tomorrow and my husband has agreed to go if need be. Anyhow, I am in a super bad emotional crisis that has been horrible for about a month or so. I am on my second marriage, we have been together for almost 7 years and married for 5 years. We have 2 kids one is almost 6 and one is 4. Right now I am feeling a prisoner in my home and my head and I am really having a hard time functioning. I a a SAHM and I have no car. My husband's work schedule right now is hell. He is gone from 4 am until about 8:30 at night so I have no opportunity to use the car. I get out just on the weekends and do the shopping by myself etc. He likes to play video games mostly and hang out here or take the kids to the park. So I have been suffering from extreme anxiety and depression. I am now questioning everything my husband does and our entire marriage and I have reason. Through our entire relationship he has lied to me, granted I may have had some high expectations trying to avoid the issues from my past marriage but he acted like everything was fine with him and would just go behind my back and lie a lot. I am starting to feel stupid and guilty for every marrying him. He has never cheated that I know of but I am convinced maybe he did because I don't trust him. When I start to think I can and that he has changed, he just lies again. He says he loves me more than anyone, I have only ever changed him into a better man and he never wants to lose me but his actions have said differently and he constantly does things that are dangerous and risky and could effect all of us. I am starting to think I want out. We have both brought this up in the last few months but seemed to work things out and somehow I end up back here, paranoid, depressed anxious. We are not very in tune sexually, it's always good but I don't think either of our needs are being met. I guess I am just venting and trying to figure out if I try to change so the marriage can work and certain things wont bother me so he wont have to lie or do I accept that this is a matter of his character and try to move on and be true to myself? I don't want to make the wrong choice. It's just so frustrating. Dear god I could go on for hours here about everything that is bothering me and I don't get how sometimes we go from really really happy to this.
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Okay, first things first - Your anxiety and depression has changed your way of thinking and processing things. Your marriage is good, you have two healthy children, you just seem to be isolated and have too much time to think and be inside your head. Is it possible to rent a car a few days a week so you can get out? Get a sitter or ask your parents/his parents to help you so you can have time to yourself? You need to get some help for the anxiety and depression, trust me, therapy can fix this! And you'll feel so much better, be able to function and feel good again. Sorry that you're going through this..Don't throw in the towel on your marriage. Life is hard and it can really suck at times..Sadly this is one of those times. Talk to your husband, and ask him for help. Tell him how you're feeling and maybe he can work with you to make things better.
Minnie09 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 What has he been lying about? I do not think the M can be possibly a "good" one if one party has been dishonest. The OP suspects cheating on top of that. Sure she's isolated, and that increases the tendency to over think and dwell on issues, but I don't see where the H is an equal partner who helps her through anything. He's hardly available.
Author Idontknowwhatto Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 To answer a few questions He has lied about gambling, drinking, strip clubs and porn mostly. He has also done things aside from the lying that really hurt our family like drinking every day after work and driving home drunk late. Going to jail for 2 months for fake weed. Just stupid childish bull**** for a man of 36. He seems genuine enough in wanting to help ME work out my problems but I doubt he wants to look at his role in it or change anything I feel he takes advantage of me and uses me and disguises it with I love you, or I'm more in love everyday type ****.
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