Krista06 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 My LDR and I have been together for over 2 1/2 years. He recently left after his 4th time coming to see me, and flew back to his country. He stayed twice as long as his usual visits this time, and as a result, I feel twice as crushed. I have cried every day. I feel completely alone. I talked to him for the first time since he left yesterday, and he seems fine. He has always referred to himself as a loner, and being apart from me doesn't seem to bother him nearly as much as it does me. While he was here, he was already starting to feel homesick, craving his room and his daily routines. I know he is a homebody, but it hurts that, just days after he's gone home, he's already perfectly adjusted, happy to be back, and looking forward to doing his normal, everyday things while Im still trying to figure out how to face tomorrow without him. I continuously interpret this as meaning he doesnt need me as much as I need him, but I know thats not true. He cares about me deeply. He just doesnt have my emotional needs? Please, how can I solve this? I feel like completely withdrawing from him. He keeps asking how he can help me feel better, but he isnt sure what to say. He says Im the only one who gets him, but I dont know if he gets me or how I miss him.
anubis1311 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I had the same problem with my girlfriend. I'm not usually completely emotionally needy but when it comes to her i am. I am very aware of it though so i try not to smother her as i will only push her away (most girls try to avoid emotional men). She on the other hand is the complete opposite and although she loves me as much as i love her, being apart doesn't phase her. In fact i often thought she didn't care. But that is simply not true. Some people deal with things differently. In my girlfriends case, she is not romantic or needy and is perfectly happy going about her daily life. She does not sing to the world that she's in love where as i feel the need to do so daily. What got me through is knowing that we are different. Understanding that she deals with things differently and just because i dont get 20 messages a day telling me she misses me, it doesn't mean that she doesn't. I'm sure he loves you and misses you, but he is just not wired to act in a way that you understand. You need him to be bothered and distrought about your situation because you are bothered and distraught! I feel the same!! If you step back and accept that he deals with things differently you will be fine. You need to focus on going about your life and try to see the positives. You may not be together physically but you have each others hearts. I count myself lucky every day that although it hurts to not have them here with me, i have someone so amazing to love in the first place. Good luck
justwhoiam Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 My LDR and I have been together for over 2 1/2 years. He recently left after his 4th time coming to see me, and flew back to his country. He stayed twice as long as his usual visits this time, and as a result, I feel twice as crushed. I have cried every day. I feel completely alone. I talked to him for the first time since he left yesterday When did he leave? How long from when he left to when you talked to him? he was already starting to feel homesick, craving his room and his daily routines. You are focusing on the wrong things here. You are focusing on your feelings, while here you clearly say that after some days away from home he's already homesick. What does that mean? That he will probably NEVER move to a different place. Are you ready to move to where he lives? Because if that didn't even enter your mind, the problem is serious. how can I solve this? I realize how annoying it is if you think the relationship is unbalanced. What I find hard to accept is when he underestimates my feelings. This is not his case. He's not doing that. He offered his help. But you can't demand him to be sad and actually you should appreciate that he's not the sad type who would make you feel sadder. Again, focus on the fact that he can't be too long far away from his home. And see if that can work with you in the long run or if you see a future together with him.
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