dontknowwhat2do Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) Let me apologize in advance because this is going to sound very bad. Please don't judge because I'm coming here for HELP. But I'm not sure what to do. I had an unofficial relationship with a girl out of state who I met through work, we worked for the same employer. I visted her once and we hit it off great. Only problem was that she lived out of state and I didn't see anything long term due to that. I still did speak with her at work, through a messaging service, but we always kept it professional. That was 9 months ago. I met another girl about 6 months ago, who lives very close to me. We were just friends, nothing ever happened because we have very busy lives. About 3 months ago we started to become more than just friends, we hit it off very well, and I genuinely care for her very much, I feel like we have a very strong mental/emotional connection. I think that possibly it can grow into something more down the road, only time will tell. The problem....This entire time I've been talking to to girl #1 as well. I didn't know what to do, I was trying to get the courage to let girl #1 down easy w/o hurting her. After, I started dating girl # 2. Then girl #1 started to realize I was trying to let her down easy and started to act crazy in several ways. Roughly August 3rd she asked for me to come down and see her again, and I only agreed due to the fact that I wanted to tell her everything in person. Hoping I could mend things and explain to her my reasoning for everything. Well, I screwed up AGAIN and ended up sleeping with girl #1. Btw...might I mention I told the girl I was dating that I was down there for work purposes. She believed me. When I got back I felt very guilty because of what I had done. I have NEVER cheated on anybody in my life, I've been cheated on before and it didnt feel very good. I feel lower than low for what I did. I've always been known to be the one to always do the right thing, this time I effed up BIG.[/sIZE] I pretty much ignored girl #1 hoping she would take a hint. I was very afraid to reveal to her the truth in fear of her going crazy on me and trying to **** up what I have with girl # 2. They would both comment my facebook posts but in ways that didnt show anything, as in how they felt toward me. I was constantly having to hide texts and lie over lies etc. For God sake my own roommate knew what was going on and advised me to end it with 1 of the girls immediately before it was too late. Welp, it was too late. YESTERDAY: girl #1 contacted girl #2 via facebook and advised her of what was going on.She did this on a hunch and her hunch payed off. I lied my arse off to my g/f thinking she would hopefully believe me, welp she doesn't. Whats messed up is the fact that girl #1 didnt provide any evidence of anything besides what she told girl #2 by word of mouth.[/sIZE] TODAY: I spilled my heart out to girl #2 and told her girl #1 was lying. I told girl #2 I really cared for her deeply etc etc. Which I honestly do 100%. I would have just came clean, but I knew if I did that it would be the end of us for good. Now girl #2 told me we are done and shes incredibly hurt by this because she was on the vurge of telling me she loved me etc. I fell really horrible about it all & still maintained the lie. Even if I admitted the truth to her now, I dont know what I could do to try and fix things. Because I'm sure that the trust is gone. I dont know if I need professional help? Am I going through a faze? Please keep in mind that this is the first time I've ever done anythig like this, i never meant for things to turn out this way, but they have and now I have to try and live with it or make an attempt to mend things. All I want is the chance to again be with this girl and see what the future holds for us, but I dont know if I'm worthy of this Any serious advice I would find extremely helpful. Edited August 23, 2012 by dontknowwhat2do
TigerCub Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 You sound young. A lot of people make those types of selfish mistakes when they're young. Some learn from the consequences, others don't. The bottom line is you acted like a coward. Instead of telling girl #1 that the long distance thing isn't working you went with the douchy passive aggressive ignore her game. Then you ****ed her when you saw her. Cowardly act #2 - instead of confessing to girl #2 (the one you have some kind of feelings for) you actually have the audacity to lie to her instead of manning up. Anyways... For once, take a step back, don't act on selfish and cowardly impulse and lie some more to this girl in hopes of weaseling back into her life. Let losing her be the lesson for you - so that next time you're in that same situation you might actually think "Well, last time I did this, it cost me a relationship with a great girl, maybe I shouldn't repeat that error this time" What you've done has been done since the beginning of time and its not going to stop. You're not an evil person, but you need to actually think of what your actions do to others rather than just think of what they will do to you. Or if you really want her back, tell her the truth, be honest about how sorry you are and how you'll do what you need to make it up to her and let her decide. But if you choose that route, don't eliminate details or minimize things, etc... tell her the real truth.
Author dontknowwhat2do Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 You sound young. A lot of people make those types of selfish mistakes when they're young. Some learn from the consequences, others don't. The bottom line is you acted like a coward. Instead of telling girl #1 that the long distance thing isn't working you went with the douchy passive aggressive ignore her game. Then you ****ed her when you saw her. Cowardly act #2 - instead of confessing to girl #2 (the one you have some kind of feelings for) you actually have the audacity to lie to her instead of manning up. Anyways... For once, take a step back, don't act on selfish and cowardly impulse and lie some more to this girl in hopes of weaseling back into her life. Let losing her be the lesson for you - so that next time you're in that same situation you might actually think "Well, last time I did this, it cost me a relationship with a great girl, maybe I shouldn't repeat that error this time" What you've done has been done since the beginning of time and its not going to stop. You're not an evil person, but you need to actually think of what your actions do to others rather than just think of what they will do to you. Or if you really want her back, tell her the truth, be honest about how sorry you are and how you'll do what you need to make it up to her and let her decide. But if you choose that route, don't eliminate details or minimize things, etc... tell her the real truth. That's the issue, I'm not that young, I'm 26. Ive had serious relationships in the past, I've always been the one to do the right thing. This time I didn't and I dont know why, it's eating me inside. I did just admit it all to her, girl #1 added some extra untrue BS in there when she told girl #2 what was going on. SO I told her it all 100% to the best of my knowledge. I think I've lost her though. I dont know what I can do to make things right again.
TigerCub Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 That's the issue, I'm not that young, I'm 26. Ive had serious relationships in the past, I've always been the one to do the right thing. This time I didn't and I dont know why, it's eating me inside. I did just admit it all to her, girl #1 added some extra untrue BS in there when she told girl #2 what was going on. SO I told her it all 100% to the best of my knowledge. I think I've lost her though. I dont know what I can do to make things right again. 26 is still young. I committed the worst acts of my life when I was 28/29 and it was in that same kind of realm. Its good that you told girl #2 the whole truth. The best thing you can do is accept that it is over, have some time to yourself and remember your lesson. Eventually you will need to forgive yourself and move on. We all make mistakes and if we hold on to the lesson, if we remember how bad it made us feel to do wrong, we will have a good chance of really learning from these mistakes and not repeating them. Good luck to you. 1
Sunlight72 Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 I strongly agree with what Tigercub says. It's worth reading about 3 times at least.
Charlie Harper Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 You destroyed both relations ..You were not real or truthful. beging searching for girl number 3.... both relationships are doomed.. and yes you are still young, learn from your mistakes. Move on.
Recommended Posts