K4RM4 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 So, Im gong to tell you guys everything that has been going on in my relationship and I want you guys to tell me what you think. Its going to be long but I really appreciate any thoughts you guys might have. My girlfriend and I met our freshman year in high school through a bunch of mutual friends. We werent actually friends who would talk to each other on a daily basis until about the end of sophomore year. She said she started to develop feelings for me towards the end of junior year and then senior year, we happened to get seated next to each other and we would have so much fun. Everyday the teacher would have to tell us to shut up because we'd always be laughing. Thats basically how the relationship took off. I never imagined dating this girl. At first, I never really thought she was attractive, but she must have grew on me because I think shes the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen. The first three or so months were amazing. I developed such an intense attraction for this girl it was borderline obsession. I found out during these months that she was a Christian and that it was a huge part of her life. Im really unsure of what I believe in right now, but I didnt think it would be much of a problem either way. Within the first month we were making out in her car, but thats as far as it would go being that she doesnt believe in pre-marital sex. We would do this probably 2-3 times a week and everything was great. I met her family and they seem to love me; I met her friends they seemed to accept me; there was never a dull day for us. Fast forward to the present. This is the part where things get a little tricky. About 9 months into our relationship, she left for christian camp for a week. The night before, I took her out and we had a great time together and I was glad that she was departing while things between us were on good terms. During this trip, communication was scarce. I would only get a text from her at very late hours of the night; never a call. I didnt mind that much because I knew she was busy with the things going on there. One thing that did bother me is that there are guys there that I know she used to have feelings for and shes around them for a whole week and sometimes, she would be up until 4am. When she came back, things seemed normal, but one thing I did notice is that she had a handmade bracelet on her wrist and when I asked where she got it, she said one of the guys made it for her. She told me about how fun it was and how funny and weird the guys are. Then, a couple days after she got back, she went to Disneyland with some of the people from her church. I didnt mind because I know she doesnt see them a whole lot, but then she told me was going with her female friend and her boyfriend and one other guy. That sent up an immediate red flag, but she asked my permission and I said yes so If I had any concerns, I didnt voice them. the day after, I was looking through her photos on her phone and a lot of them were taken by that "other guy". She said she barely knew the guy, but she seemed awfully close to let him carry her phone around. She doesnt even like me doing that. She hasnt been in communication with that guy since that Disneyland trip so I dont think anything happened. Now lets fast forward to this week. She got back from Las Vegas after playing in a sports tournament and the day she got back, we went to Disneyland again with the mutual friends who initially set us up. We had a good time and towards the end of the trip, she was grabbing m hand to hold it and was cuddling and sleeping on my lap on some of the boring rides. When the day ended, I said goodbye, we kissed and both said I love you. While I went home, she went to a nearby friends house to sleepover because she was going back to Disneyland the next day. Well the next day came and I didnt text her until about 8pm and didnt get a response until 11. Once again, two guys took her phone and posted stuff on facebook and took pictures. This time, one of the guys she used to have a crush on (she doesnt know that I know she used to have a crush on him). She said they took her phone and wouldnt give it back, which is why she took so long to respond. She then proceeded to tell me she was sleeping over AGAIN and that she was at the ex-crush's house with a bunch of other people from chuch. At this point I was extremely uncomfortable. She didnt leave until 2am and considering she had work the next day, thats really late. It kind of irked me because she usually never stays later than 11:30 with me. I havent seen her much this week and I know I wont see her much the rest because she has things planned already. Shes sleeping over again at another girls house and is going to a big picnic thing with her church friends again. So thats basically where Im at. Im having a hard time analyzing everything that has been thrown at me. Part of me feels like we would have been better off if we just stayed friends, but its too late to go back now. Part of me also says that maybe she met someone else from church. Right now, I feel as though shes losing interest. Im getting mixed signals. Shes been making plans without me, communication has been dry and quiet, we havent made out in 3 months even though theres been so many opportunities, she hardly ever tells me she loves me, but I love her. I dont think she realizes the pain shes causing me, but how would she if I never tell her? I think whats stopping me is that Im afraid of getting into an argument and leading to a break up. Insecure? I know but this girl means a lot to me. We went to prom together; shes my first real girlfriend; were going to the same college this year; Ive experienced so many things with her. Weve had so many good times together, but honestly, I dont feel as sure of our relationship as I did 5 months ago. Is this part of the whole relationship process? I dont know what to think. Sorry this is so long.
veggirl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Well I'm sorry to say that it is part of the relationship process when the relationship is ending. She doesn't kiss you or tell you she loves you anymore--have you asked her about this? I do think she has met someone else (one of the church boys) and your R is likely on its last leg. I would ask her what is up and tell her your concerns. You can make a better decision based on her response but the bottomline is, your needs aren't being met and you aren't happy with the current status quo. How long can you put up with it? You are clearly very young, I'm sure you know most high school relationships do NOT last and that is normal.
morichu Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Yeah from the sounds of things it looks like this is the beginning of the end. I think you should be the one to dump her. It'll hurt a lot less. However, like the above poster said, high school relationships simply don't last...ever. I can only think of one couple from my high school days that are still together. They had a shotgun baby and were forced to marry/drop out of college (something you don't want to do). Don't fret about this. You're about to enter college where you're bound to meet plenty of girls.
Author K4RM4 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 She doesn't kiss you or tell you she loves you anymore--have you asked her about this? If I go in for a kiss, she wont reject me but she was never a touchy or affectionate girl to begin with. She has an pretty big issue with PDA. I mean, we would make out but it would only be in absolute privacy. As far as saying I love you, if I say, she ll say it back, but I dont know if shes just saying it for the sake of saying it or if she really means it. I know for a fact shes not a very affectionate girl, but Im a pretty affectionate guy so i might just be craving too much. The thing is I dont want other girls and being that were going to the same college, itd be kind of hard to distance myself. But your right, I am too young to be fretting over a relationship. Ill give it some serious thought. I know if I do choose to break up, I might not get over for years.
morichu Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 The thing is I dont want other girls . Well this is gonna be a lesson for you then when it comes to attachment. No matter how well a relationship is going, or how perfect your partner seems, things can change in an instant. People are gonna come and go out of your life when you thought they would be there for awhile. That's life and it happens to all of us at some point. This sounds like this is your first experience with this. After the break up it will hurt for a little while, but if you keep in mind what I said its not gonna take you long to bounce back.
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