exbf is on dating site!

[Floored]

We've all been angry for the same reason. I've been through the same thing so you're not the only one. But if you think f**king some firefighter is going to help then you are dead wrong.

 

It will make you feel worse.

 

//

 

Way too early to be dating.

 

Most of you go from super emotions to a new man. This isn't going to help you. This will only be another failed relationship a year from now.

 

Spend time alone. For a year or more.

 

One of those agitated tough love days, eh?

[Tree_Salmon]

I don't want to f**ck him! I just want to banter with a good looking guy. But I cancelled the date now. I know it's too soon. It might set me back and I know I'll compare him to my ex bf.

 

Just relax for a bit, younglove. Deal with the pain. You need it so you know what you DON'T want from a relationship next time.

 

Biggest mistake people make is jumping right back into s**t when they haven't even begun to deal with the real issues.

 

It's reflecting time.

[KatZee]

Way too early to be dating.

 

Most of you go from super emotions to a new man. This isn't going to help you. This will only be another failed relationship a year from now.

 

Spend time alone. For a year or more.

 

Is this for me? I've been single and NC for pretty much 4 months and I've ALWAYS had a crush on this guy, hardcore. This isn't something new. This is the first time we've both been single and available to each other. No comparisons between the two, have been friends with him 10 years longer than the ex. This guy trumps ex.

[Tree_Salmon]

Is this for me? I've been single and NC for pretty much 4 months and I've ALWAYS had a crush on this guy, hardcore. This isn't something new. This is the first time we've both been single and available to each other. No comparisons between the two, have been friends with him 10 years longer than the ex. This guy trumps ex.

 

Yes its for you.

You are not ready. Quit rationalizing.

 

4 months and you're still here.

 

I'm trying to keep you from f**king yourself up some more.

[KatZee]

Yes its for you.

You are not ready. Quit rationalizing.

 

4 months and you're still here.

 

I'm trying to keep you from f**king yourself up some more.

 

Actually I'm in the dating section Not the breaks/breaking up forum. I come back occasionally to check on some of the people I used to regularly comment on.

 

And I think I would know best as to whether or not I was ready. If I was still angry, or had some sort of feeling for the ex, I'd agree with you. I don't. I've hit the indifference.

[Dark Phoenix]

I just want to banter with a good looking guy.

 

Whats your number?

[ThatJustHappened]

haha! thank you this is what I need to hear! I need to hear that I can do better. He is bald and the more I look at him the more I see how unattractive he was. His teeth were crooked and a little yellow.

 

Want to see my profile? andagain08 Phoenix Arizona singles, Phoenix Arizona women

 

hehe

 

Sweetheart, you are FAR too good for this schmuck. If I was a lesbian and lived in Arizona, I'd totally go for you! You're gorgeous and smart..your ex douche is ugly (his smile makes him look 'special'), immature, crude, and not particularly articulate.

 

Go find yourself a hottie!

[youngnlove89]

Whats your number?

 

cute. are you in phoenix?

[youngnlove89]

Sweetheart, you are FAR too good for this schmuck. If I was a lesbian and lived in Arizona, I'd totally go for you! You're gorgeous and smart..your ex douche is ugly (his smile makes him look 'special'), immature, crude, and not particularly articulate.

 

Go find yourself a hottie!

 

 

thank you but god, did I love that smile of his. I guess when we fall in love with someone, their looks no longer matter. I thought he was the sexiest thing ever. I wish I could see what you see so I could get over him. Maybe one day I will!

 

today is definitely a difficult day for me, as you can tell.

[ThatJustHappened]

Someday you will see what we see.

 

Believe me..I know what you're going through right now. I dated a guy on/off for 5 years and I was completely blind to all of his (many, MANY) faults..I loved this man with all my heart even though he treated me TERRIBLY. I actually lost friends because they were sick of watching me allow myself to be jerked around by this loser. I finally woke up when he dumped me on my birthday while on vacation, then 3 days later brought another woman to a work party that he knew I would be at and whispered 'be nice' in my ear.

 

Guess what? This was 3 years ago, and he's tried to pursue me several times since then and I have absolutely ZERO interest in him. It gets better, I promise.

[youngnlove89]

Someday you will see what we see.

 

Believe me..I know what you're going through right now. I dated a guy on/off for 5 years and I was completely blind to all of his (many, MANY) faults..I loved this man with all my heart even though he treated me TERRIBLY. I actually lost friends because they were sick of watching me allow myself to be jerked around by this loser. I finally woke up when he dumped me on my birthday while on vacation, then 3 days later brought another woman to a work party that he knew I would be at and whispered 'be nice' in my ear.

 

Guess what? This was 3 years ago, and he's tried to pursue me several times since then and I have absolutely ZERO interest in him. It gets better, I promise.

 

Yea, I know. I've been here twice before with two other guys who did the same thing. Then later down the road when I was no longer interested, they came back wanting to marry me! I'm not kidding. But I was over them by that time. I still have this one guy who has been pursuing me for 3 years and he dumped me 4 years ago and said he will never have those feelings for me. Now he would do anything to get me back.

 

I guess they just don't know what they have until it's gone.

[VodkaShots]

Let me guess, you internet date.

 

How's it working out for you?

 

There has been MASSIVE amounts of research done on the types of people and how healthy (or unhealthy is is more like it), what type of relationships they have, how it's not normal / healthy / forced, how it creates an bad environment and attracts mostly unhealthy people.

 

On paper and it's intended purpose sounds GREAT. Reality, is something altogether different.

 

Like with everything else in life (Facebook is another example), it sinks to the lowest common denominator. In this case, scammers, fakers, flakers, attention whores, married men/women, players, cheaters, rebounders, wackos, unhealthy, needy, desperate, people who use online dating as a WEAPON not a tool.

 

I have never used a dating website, no, but relatives and family friends have used them in the past, some have done well out of it. Therefore I don't find it hard to believe that out of the literally millions of people who have used it, that many others have also did well from it.

 

I don't deny that it attracts unhealthy people and all kinds of scum (well known fact), but the fact is, dating websites have become more mainstream and popular over the years, and among the trash they also attract genuine people with honest intentions.

 

You are joking right?

 

1. It has not been around very long to say that.

 

2. The divorce rate on people who married via online dating is a lot worse than doing it the "right" way. Go look it up!

 

It has been around since the 1990s (became more mainstream in the early 2000s), that's long enough. I'm not in a position to give a rebuttal to your point about marriages doing badly from OlD, but if some marriages and relationships are failing, it doesn't necessarily mean it's because they met online, it would be because of other issues. Blaming online dating because a relationship didn't last more than 6 months is like blaming your university because your relationship with a classmate didn't work out and he/she lied about something.

 

To each their own....

 

All I know is what all my friends told me and all their friends told them. Which is, it is HORRIBLE and a MISERABLE experience. Their experience, almost all of the people are rebounders, losers, liars, cheaters, guys looking for sex, women wanting attention, people who are looking to jump from one relationship to another, etc.

 

I'm not going to deny that. Some people do get disillusioned by online dating because of the people like that who also occupy dating websites (and also occupy the real world as well), but like I said, amongst the sea of trash, there's genuine and honest people.

 

Another problem is you will hear all the bad stuff, but you won't hear the good stuff because generally people who do well out of it don't stick around to complain on websites and review websites, many also deny they met their partner online and make up a cover story so their friends and relatives don't judge.

 

 

Problem is, you don't for sure if you are getting all excited and spending hours talking / emailing a 45 year old bald fat guy who is married with 3 kids or not.

 

This is where common sense comes in. This problem can be solved easily without wasting too much time or emotional energy playing email/text tennis. You could:

 

1) Ask him to go on webcam

2) Ask for a picture of himself holding up todays newspaper

3) Ask to meet ASAP for a coffee or drink

 

If he comes out with bullsheet excuses or gets offended, then obviously it's time to block him and move on. Also block and move on if he asks for money, nudes, and if he just seems dodgy or as if he's going behind someones back, then also block him and move on.

 

I do actually agree with your point that it's better to meet people in the real world where it's more natural/less forced, but my point is that there's nothing wrong with using online dating as one option, provided they know the pit-falls and to be cautious.

[Mike_d]

It might set me back and I know I'll compare him to my ex bf.

 

from someone with direct experience with this specific issue, it does set you back since forcing the issue of spending 'dating' time with someone just thrusts all those visions of your ex right up in your face, 100% comparing all the time. I'm 2 months in and that's how I currently feel, it's an impossible situation - you crave human companionship, spending time around people, but all it does is disappoint me/you since there isn't anything fulfilling in it since it's not the person you really want to be spending time with. we want what we can't have. confusing as hell, a lose-lose.

[I'm nuts]

It amazes me how some people can jump from one relationship to another like a fly jumps from one dog sh*t to another.

 

Why do people struggle to get over a relationship, and I use that word very lightly, that has only lasted a few months, or even weeks? It takes years to develop a strong relationship, but a few months?, come on, gimme a break.

[youngnlove89]

It amazes me how some people can jump from one relationship to another like a fly jumps from one dog sh*t to another.

 

Why do people struggle to get over a relationship, and I use that word very lightly, that has only lasted a few months, or even weeks? It takes years to develop a strong relationship, but a few months?, come on, gimme a break.

 

 

I know right. I went on that dating site for mere entertainment, and en ego boost of course. I don't have a date lined up, I realized that I am not ready for one. But I think my ex bf is out on a date right, not sure. But just have this feeling.

 

And love is love, whether it may be a few months or years. When you feel something, you feel it. It's not fair to lower someone's feelings because you don't agree with it. You are looking from the outside in, you don't feel what that other person feels. Time isn't the issue here. Love is. Infatuation is. And they are both very similar and both hurt just as much when not returned. But pain stems from both and that is the real reason we are all here. We are in pain, because our feelings weren't returned. Rejection is never easy to get over.

[I'm nuts]

I know right. I went on that dating site for mere entertainment, and en ego boost of course. I don't have a date lined up, I realized that I am not ready for one. But I think my ex bf is out on a date right, not sure. But just have this feeling.

 

And love is love, whether it may be a few months or years. When you feel something, you feel it. It's not fair to lower someone's feelings because you don't agree with it. You are looking from the outside in, you don't feel what that other person feels. Time isn't the issue here. Love is. Infatuation is. And they are both very similar and both hurt just as much when not returned. But pain stems from both and that is the real reason we are all here. We are in pain, because our feelings weren't returned. Rejection is never easy to get over.

 

How do you know what I feel and know? I can assure you I am older than you and more experienced than you and I know how long it takes to love someone and how long it takes to get over real love not infatuation, most people in their life will feel pain and get rejection from someone, it is all part of learning, growing and becoming stronger and getting to know oneself better.

 

Saying you love someone then straight away you are on a dating site looking for the next catch is purely fantasy and laughable and means it can't be taken seriously.

[ThatJustHappened]

My ex (who I met online) and I got back together officially this weekend and I shut down my online account. I'm very, very, very happy! Thanks for your concern..it's nice to know that people out there really care.

 

Edit: Just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for everybody. There's no need to get so nasty.

Edited August 27, 2012 by ThatJustHappened

[Tree_Salmon]

How do you know what I feel and know? I can assure you I am older than you and more experienced than you and I know how long it takes to love someone and how long it takes to get over real love not infatuation, most people in their life will feel pain and get rejection from someone, it is all part of learning, growing and becoming stronger and getting to know oneself better.

 

Saying you love someone then straight away you are on a dating site looking for the next catch is purely fantasy and laughable and means it can't be taken seriously.

 

I constantly hear people crying about month long relationships here. I honestly don't know how anyone can be this distraught over something like 3 months with a person. Call yourself lucky and move on in that case.

 

Once you've spent years with someone is when you really know what the pain feels like. And like you've said, it's pretty ridiculous that people jump from one pile to another.

 

Few know what a true relationship really is.

[William]

Stage two here. Confine the discussion to the thread starter's topic about her exBF on a dating site and those developments.