carhill Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 OP, it probably wasn't a good idea to link to actual profiles since you have no way of editing those postings. I see an alert in your future. FWIW, the person in question was apparently attractive enough and/or you loved him enough to be with him for 1.5 years, so keep that in mind. Someone else will too. How you process the end of a relationship defines future relationships. Best wishes to you on your path. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 wow! thank you So, younglove, I'm gonna hit you up on soon as you can PM. Don't be surprised.
Drseussgrrl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I have to agree with Gibson (again). The majority of my friends sign up for online dating because something isn't working out with someone else, but there hasn't even been a clean break and they're looking for distractions.
I'm nuts Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Where can one join such an exciting site? I really feel I'm missing out
Tree_Salmon Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 OP, it probably wasn't a good idea to link to actual profiles since you have no way of editing those postings. I see an alert in your future. FWIW, the person in question was apparently attractive enough and/or you loved him enough to be with him for 1.5 years, so keep that in mind. Someone else will too. How you process the end of a relationship defines future relationships. Best wishes to you on your path. Yeah I wouldn't have linked him or yourself on here but if you don't seem to care then cool. It's pretty clear you're going through some angry stage of this, which is normal. So I guess this is your way of lashing out.
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 So, younglove, I'm gonna hit you up on soon as you can PM. Don't be surprised. what does PM mean?
carhill Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 what does PM mean? PM is 'private message', a feature of LS you will qualify for in about three weeks, or if you subscribe sooner.
I'm nuts Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 STOP INTERNET DATING!!!!!!!!!!!! Why? Internet dating is a total and complete joke! Of all of the people I know who did it (around 100 I would say) and of all of the people they knew who also internet dated (probably around 100 also)... We know only know of 2 couples who married (and stayed married) through online dating. Even those 2 couples I mention who are still married are extremely unhealthy, co-dependent and miserable. If you just add up the people I knew and who they they... That is a lot of people who tried it and almost all of them gave up and threw in the towel on it because they were not meeting people who were worth a crap or worthy of them or their time. Hell, these are just people I know and people who they know. I am not even including the 1,000,000 posts you see in the break up, dating, divorce and married forums on this one site. Imagine including all the other relationship advice forums. Wow! Think about it... What is the first thing that most dumpees here do? That's right, they get dumped and within 5 minutes... They reopen or create an online dating profile. Now what do you think a majority of other dumpees are doing who aren't here? That's right, the very same thing. You think a rebounder is going to be a "forever" relationship? Do you actually think they care about you? No, they are USERS. All they care about is having a shoulder to cry on and not wanting to be alone, etc. Would any man with half a brain pursue anything of real substance with the OP who is hung up and not over her abusive, loser boyfriend? Of course not. She has to move on and heal from her experience and that is going to take a lot of effort and time (and we are talking MONTHS and maybe a YEAR or more). Then you factor in all the desperate, unhealthy, married, in relationships, attention whores, headcases, "nice guys", socially awkward, losers, jerks, players, has no life, etc. You think any of these people are going to be a "forever" relationship? Do you actually think they care about you? No, they are all USERS too. The women I have / would date, do not and would not Internet Date. Like me and everyone I knew who tried it came to the same conclusion... it's not normal, it's not natural and it's "forced". Not to mention, almost all of the men I knew who online dated, "future faked" (I am looking for a relationship) and were just taking advantage of the rebounding, desperate, I can't be alone women and using them for sex. When these guys were doing "playing the field" and being a-holes, they didn't go looking for their wife online and stopped internet dating. Where they found their wives are at the places I suggest below. DON'T Online Date! Healthy people have "life balance" and we are too busy actively pursuing our passions / goals / dreams / hobbies / interests, etc. to bother with it. . Spot on, I've just lost my best friend of 6 years due to these BS online dating sites, this girl is like a daughter to me, I love her dearly and I see her heading down this path of destruction just because she desperately wants to married, I found out she is engaged to some guy in a different country to her, she is from the East, in the space of a couple of weeks, if that, WTF, I don't want to interfere, but god I'm so scared of what is going to happen. Your advice is spot on, meet someone in the real world, it's not hard, a smiling face and a friendly personality will take you far in this world once people are mature. 1
beyond Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 OP - much as I don't want to stick up for a**holes, I don't think it's right that you have posted his picture etc on here.
Drseussgrrl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Meh - it would be one thing if it was a facebook profile, but POF is a free site to use by anyone. Obviously it's not private. 2
beyond Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) Still doesn't seem right. I'm putting myself in his position, an ex saying the most personal things about me -which is fine and what this sort of site is about, to off load in an annonymous way - and then posts my picture up. Worth remembering, as with all of us posting on here, we only get to hear one side of the story. Edited August 23, 2012 by beyond
esteem-jam Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I find it wrong that you posted the profile links. He is not ugly, he is OK. Because about guys its never about looks. You can dig hundreds of topics here alone about how a so-so guy is with a attractive one. He is not an executive in a silk suit, but he is OK nevertheless. And the girl is OK too.
escafeld Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Meh - it would be one thing if it was a facebook profile, but POF is a free site to use by anyone. Obviously it's not private. I'm afraid I agree with others here, he may be visible on a public dating site, but the intricacies of his private life, past and present aren't linked to it. Perhaps if he discovers your indiscretion he might enact one of his own..I hope he doesn't have any 'saucy' photos of you he might want to upload to some amateur porn site asking viewers to comment on your 'inadequacies' 1
Drseussgrrl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 "I hope he doesn't have any 'saucy' photos of you he might want to upload to some amateur porn site asking viewers to comment on your 'inadequacies'." Um what? I'm not the one who posted the links. And secondly, I would NEVER allow a man to take nude photos of me. EVER. Not in this day and age!
escafeld Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 "I hope he doesn't have any 'saucy' photos of you he might want to upload to some amateur porn site asking viewers to comment on your 'inadequacies'." Um what? I'm not the one who posted the links. And secondly, I would NEVER allow a man to take nude photos of me. EVER. Not in this day and age! Humble apologies, I misread the contribution string, mine should have been directed at the OP, but my point stands really, before we throw stones at people we should examine what kind of rocks are likely to be hurled back in our own direction.
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 I'm afraid I agree with others here, he may be visible on a public dating site, but the intricacies of his private life, past and present aren't linked to it. Perhaps if he discovers your indiscretion he might enact one of his own..I hope he doesn't have any 'saucy' photos of you he might want to upload to some amateur porn site asking viewers to comment on your 'inadequacies' Oh please, this is different. Last time I checked this isn't a porno site and I'm not posting any "saucey" pictures of him. Sure, maybe it wasn't right to link his POF site. but it's done now, i can't take it off. my intentions were harmless. 1
escafeld Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Oh please, this is different. Last time I checked this isn't a porno site and I'm not posting any "saucey" pictures of him. Sure, maybe it wasn't right to link his POF site. but it's done now, i can't take it off. my intentions were harmless. I think your missing my point youngnlove..do you think your ex would be well disposed to discovering you've revealed his POF profile here? You, me and the rest of the posters here might find it hugely amusing, but he might see it as a 'gloves off' gesture and respond in kind, his reaction is something you have no control over. On another level I see it as an invasion of his privacy, yes he's on a public dating site, but it doesn't include the engaging 'back story' that youve supplanted it with here..he may have wronged you, you may have wronged him, but one of the great features of fora such as these is anonymity, if you want to reveal who you are that's fine, but uncloaking people without their authority is beyond the pale in my opinion.
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 I think your missing my point youngnlove..do you think your ex would be well disposed to discovering you've revealed his POF profile here? You, me and the rest of the posters here might find it hugely amusing, but he might see it as a 'gloves off' gesture and respond in kind, his reaction is something you have no control over. On another level I see it as an invasion of his privacy, yes he's on a public dating site, but it doesn't include the engaging 'back story' that youve supplanted it with here..he may have wronged you, you may have wronged him, but one of the great features of fora such as these is anonymity, if you want to reveal who you are that's fine, but uncloaking people without their authority is beyond the pale in my opinion. I'm not saying you are wrong, by any means. I acted on a whim is all. I didn't think about it. Sorry. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I think your missing my point youngnlove..do you think your ex would be well disposed to discovering you've revealed his POF profile here? You, me and the rest of the posters here might find it hugely amusing, but he might see it as a 'gloves off' gesture and respond in kind, his reaction is something you have no control over. On another level I see it as an invasion of his privacy, yes he's on a public dating site, but it doesn't include the engaging 'back story' that youve supplanted it with here..he may have wronged you, you may have wronged him, but one of the great features of fora such as these is anonymity, if you want to reveal who you are that's fine, but uncloaking people without their authority is beyond the pale in my opinion. I personally wouldn't have liked to see any profile of mine on a site. But it is what it is and it can't be helped. She acted on a very emotional whim. Instead of making her feel guilty about it we can gloss over this post and let it disappear to the bottom of the heap. Agreed? 1
Drseussgrrl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Well that's the risk you take when you put yourself out there in a public way. Did you know you can actually save members' photos from match onto your desktop? Really all bets are off when you present yourself in a public forum such as a free online dating site. It's just the way it is nowadays. Post at your own risk. Might have been a bit tasteless of the OP, but she hasn't done anything wrong. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 I personally wouldn't have liked to see any profile of mine on a site. But it is what it is and it can't be helped. She acted on a very emotional whim. Instead of making her feel guilty about it we can gloss over this post and let it disappear to the bottom of the heap. Agreed? haha thanks i agree. 1
BecomingABetterMe Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 That's hilarious! I realized that a bunch of my ex's dating profile pictures were ones his ex took, and some of them were even ones that he cropped her out of. What a piece of work! Block him so you don't see him and live your life. 1
Anastar Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I broke up with my ex after finding him online dating. He also had pictures of him which I took, and talked about how he traveled...all the places he mentioned on his profile we went together. This was a few days before when he told me how much he loves me and we spent a weekend in a hotel, and hung out by the pool. It hurt like hell...and still does. My first response was to put up a profile, but then took it down a few days later. I don't want to date, and my ex could care less if I'm a dating website. So do it if you really want to date, but it won't make him jelous, maybe competitive... I'm sorry for you though, I know how much this hurts. A
Mint Sauce Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 am I the only one who thinks it's funny that "just for fun" is looking for something serious?? sorry for bumping the thread up again. 1
VodkaShots Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) OP, I think you should just forget about him. If you two aren't together, nothing he does shouldn't really be of your concern, and to be honest, I think it was low of you to post his PoF profile on here and for some of the follow-up replies to be all "lol ugly" (which was kinda low as well). You can make your point perfectly well without linking to his profile, it's low because he isn't around to defend himself. It's not like he's a convicted sex offender or something. I find it wrong that you posted the profile links. He is not ugly, he is OK. Because about guys its never about looks. You can dig hundreds of topics here alone about how a so-so guy is with a attractive one. He is not an executive in a silk suit, but he is OK nevertheless. And the girl is OK too. I agree with you about posting the profile, but I'm sorry.. you're completely wrong. The "so so guys with attractive women" are exceptions, not the rule. Most women do care about looks to varying degrees. The notion that we don't just encourages the whole "nice guy" thing; where unattractive men think they win over attractive women with their (apparent) nice personality alone and then they complain when said women are not one bit interested in them except as platonic friends, and then we all have to suffer from the tiresome "women only like hot tall jerks!!!111" topics which infest websites like this. STOP INTERNET DATING!!!!!!!!!!!! Why? Internet dating is a total and complete joke! [Rest of post] Dating websites are just one method of meeting people, like the ones you suggested, it is not a panacea for all ones dating problems nor is it quite as doom and gloom as you like to think. There's the scammers, fakers, flakers, attention whores, married men/women, and players but there's genuine people on them too (many of whom have found success through LTRs or marriage), you just have to shovel the crap out the way. People just have to exercise some common sense and trust their intuition. But there's nothing wrong with using it as an option, depending on it is a bad idea, and people should accept the normal rules of dating also apply to dating people from those websites, such as attraction, honesty, compatibility, etc. So the fat middle aged 45 year old can demand the hot blonde 25 year old woman all he likes, but he most likely isn't going to get it, nor is the morbidly obese woman looking for a bodybuilder. Edited August 23, 2012 by VodkaShots 1
Recommended Posts