Mochalatte Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Ok. I was the other woman NOT by choice...and NO this not out of revenge. And no, he is not married. This is in respect to his long time girlfriend. You can read my other post. If I should decide to tell his girlfriend of his unfaithfulness, how can I do this...how can I drop a hint (even anonymously if I have to) that he has done her incredibly wrong...and will more than likely do it again. How did you react toward the messenger when you were given the heads up? Was it worth knowing? History Know for certain he cheated on his exwife who knows how much, got into internet porn when she took him back so she dumped him again, he definitely lied to me about this girlfriend, he is an incredibly flirtatious with women...read my post if you want to know more. I would say he could be classified as serial.
2long Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Ok. I was the other woman NOT by choice...and NO this not out of revenge. And no, he is not married. This is in respect to his long time girlfriend. You can read my other post. If I should decide to tell his girlfriend of his unfaithfulness, how can I do this...how can I drop a hint (even anonymously if I have to) that he has done her incredibly wrong...and will more than likely do it again. How did you react toward the messenger when you were given the heads up? Was it worth knowing? History Know for certain he cheated on his exwife who knows how much, got into internet porn when she took him back so she dumped him again, he definitely lied to me about this girlfriend, he is an incredibly flirtatious with women...read my post if you want to know more. I would say he could be classified as serial. Why the new thread? I thought you'd decided 2 let it go. -ol' 2long
Summer Breeze Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I'm a believer in not being anonymous. I'd probably send her an email and maybe a couple things that prove what's gone on. I'd offer to talk to her if she'd like to and make sure that if she contacts you, you respect what she's done and be totally honest with her.
BetrayedH Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 It took me a while but after I discovered my wife's affair, I called the other man's wife at work. I told her that I knew her husband, had something important to tell her and asked if we could meet somewhere. She was startled and confused, of course. She asked what it was about. I said I would prefer to talk with her face-to-face. I said I understood if she was nervous meeting me and that we could do it in a public place if that helped. She said she was getting a little scared and asked if he was ok. I said yes and then just came out and said that I had discovered that her husband was having an affair with my wife. She said, oh no, but I have two children. I told her, so did I. She then said that yes, she would meet with me after work and we met at a Taco Bell, of all places. I tried to be gentle with details but the reality is that she needed to see everything I had. I brought copies of it all. After that, it really didn't matter how charming he might have been. He was stone-cold busted. For what it's worth, she was never vindictive about my wife or myself. After a few days, she called and thanked me. As for the OM, I had initially used the potential exposure as leverage to keep him away from my wife (I agreed not to tell his wife if he kept away from my wife). When I exposed him, I expected hellfire and damnation from him. Didn't happen. Never heard from him again. He had too much on his plate, methinks. There's no fun, easy way to do this. My situation was awkward for about 2 minutes and then that part was done. Turned out to be the best thing I could have done. It was tearing me up knowing that this guy's betrayed wife was just plain clueless and was going to keep strolling thru life that way. He needed to be held accountable and she needed to be able to make an informed decision about what to do with her life. It was a liberating experience for me and for her, well, at least she had the information she needed to make a choice rather than just being a played for a fool.
GLDheart Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 New thread. Same problem. Same answer. Get your evidence together and have that sit down.
Ninja'sHusband Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) I exposed my wife's affair to her MM's wife. I put together a packet containing proof. I had a cover letter outside of the envelope that said simply, "Your husband has done something very hurtful. You do not have to read this but I wanted to give you the opportunity." On the inside I told her that there had been an affair between her husband and my wife. I said then that her husband still loved her and wanted to be with her and her family, I figured that was the first thing she'd need to hear after such a horrible line. I said I'd hold details and further proof until the latter pages. She could call me or email and ask any questions if she'd rather only know certain things. I told her the best place to hear it would be from her husband but that she would need to be able to verify the truth. I delivered the packet to her front door one day during the work day when I know her husband was gone. I told her I knew her husband from ___ and gave her the packet. I waited in the car for 10 minutes outside the house in case she wanted to come out and talk. She never came, so I left. She never called me back. I called her a couple months later because I was thinking of exposing the affair in a broader way. She had read everything. She said she had been angry at first, but then cooled off and understood my POV. From what I understand people can have lots of different reactions, but you better have your proof in order. My proof was pretty concrete and undeniable. You being the OW makes it a bit different. You seem innocent here since you didn't know...but she may not believe you. I'd be careful. Good luck Ohhh...and you are friends with her? ugh. That's different too. I had never met the OM's wife before...and never see her in normal life. Edited August 23, 2012 by Ninja'sHusband
Author Mochalatte Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 What all of you have done is VERY courageous. And I hate it that you were put in those situations... I'm not married to him and neither is she. Thank goodness for us both. It was sort of less complicating to turn your spouses in because you were, well hurt bystanders for lack of a better word. I, on the other hand, was intimate on numerous occasions with him. It makes it a little more awkward. Ninja- I'm not friends with her. Although, I believe if I were it would be easier to tell her... It's difficult to approach a stranger with bad news. I only know "of" her from what he has told me based on their so called "close friendship of many years." grrr. And I found her on fb. I even wish, I were a friend of her friend! Betrayed- You are right...there is no fun way to break someone's heart. I guess your unity with her is that you both had spouses that were cheating. But instead I am either going to be the one she thanks for sharing the news or kicks my bum so to speak. I have prayed about this trying to find the right answer. I am just scared I suppose. This is going to wreck her life and throw her kids into turmoil because as he said, they have known each other for several years. He mentioned her kids on occasion and spoke highly of them so I assume he has a pretty significant relationship with them. And then I wonder, what if he really has had this change he spoke of, settling down and doing the right thing... But, from what I understand they have been exclusive for 7 months dating...doesn't even constitute marriage. But my lord if dating spawned him into cheating again...imagine the idea of marriage. If he is cheating on her already, their relationship won't make it. So then, I think blahh don't worry about it. It's a crap shoot. But deep in my heart I feel like I have this responsibility to her, yet in reality it is his stinking responsibility. What is worse is that I haven't gotten to the mad stage yet. Where I could actually yell at him and call him a #%%#^$. I know it will come. Now, I am in this "I am erasing you from life" stage. Where I grieve the friendship and companionship, when we onced text or I knew I could share anything with him anytime of day...which is stupid! Because he was lying to me. Friends don't do that. I know this in my head! And please don't mistaken for what's in my heart as love, or forseeing a chance with him. That isn't where I was going. It is more like disappointment and the absence. So, a part of me knows how hurt she will feel and the absence she will experience. UGH! But the other part says take your kids and RUN!!! I have put together a fake facebook account with my finger on the trigger. I "considered" dropping a few lines as a friend of "me" to at least open her eyes. Even if she turns sour on me by whatever lie she has been fed. And if she wants concrete, I have that too. If a strange woman contacted you via fb revealing your significant other as cheating, how would you react? Thanks everyone. Somedays I want to tell her. Somedays I just want to move on and forget it all. I hate this. Why am I thinking so into this???????????
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