Chips24 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 NC was easy- Im finding LC really tough! I'm not sure what I should and shouldn't be doing...
Author Chips24 Posted August 23, 2012 Author Posted August 23, 2012 Why are you on LC and not NC? My ex contacted me after 3.5 months. Now that we are on friendly terms I'm not sure if I should be initiating contact or letting him in every instance.
TaraMaiden Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 You should never have replied. the only time NC should ever be broken, is if you have achieved a happy state of 'benign indifference'. go back to NC. And stay there. Do not be coerced, convinced or cajoled into breaking it. 2
TaraMaiden Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 My ex contacted me after 3.5 months. Why? To plead, beg and implore you to take him back? To ask you to take him back on bended knee? To negotiate a reconciliation and a promise to do whatever it takes to prove to you that he can make it work, this time? If none of the above, then trust me - all he threw you were breadcrumbs.... Now that we are on friendly terms I'm not sure if I should be initiating contact or letting him in every instance. You're not on friendly terms. He's on: "I just thought I'd show how kind and gracious I can be - aren't I marvellous - and extending the so-called 'hand of friendship' - but really, this is to make me feel better about dumping you, because if you talk to me like a friend, then I won't either feel, or look so bad." you're on: "I'm still quite heart-broken about what you've done, and maybe the fact that you're talking to me, means you still have a place in your life fo me, and who knows, maybe you'll have second thoughts and love me again! This is hard, but responding to you feeds a hole in my heart...." You do not, ever, under any circumstances, contact him. you do not give him opening, opportunity or means to ever get in touch with you. Don't even let him know whether you're still breathing or not. Delete, block and deny every means of communication: Facebook, texts, emails, phone messages, smoke signals, morse code, nothing. Read my signatures, memorise them, and keep to them. 100% THOSE - are the rules of LC. The rules of LC are really NC - unless you work together, or have kids together. in any other case - there IS NO LC. 3
geegirl Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) Now that we are on friendly terms I'm not sure if I should be initiating contact or letting him in every instance. It's not "friendly terms" if you have to put this much emotional angst into it. It's just HIS terms that you are not quite emotionally ready to play by. "NC was easy- Im finding LC really tough!" Best to go back to what was easy for YOU, rather than what's easy for him. Unless you're hopeful and feeding into this LC hoping it could lead to something more in the long run, I'd say stick to NC. Edited August 23, 2012 by geegirl
Author Chips24 Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 Thanks Tara & Geegirl. I guess I'm not as over it as I thought. The reason I said "yes" to the coffee catch up was because I generally thought I was going to hear those words... but I didn't. I guess my ego has been squished all over again. I'll go back into NC and get him out of my head again.
TaraMaiden Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Read the Caliguy No Contact Guide in my signature. It works. Providing you stick to it, that is. If something happens to weaken your resolve - come back here and post - we'll help you out!
Author Chips24 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 I'm really struggling today... I think maybe because it is a Monday and Mondays are always tough! I think as well articles i'm reading are confusing me... Dating Your Ex eBook || Attract Back Your Ex With Pressure-Free Contact
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Ah. Great yardstick. if it resonates - adopt it. if it confuses - leave it aside, because if it's not resonating, it doesn't ring credible or good for you.
bluefairy812 Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Why? To plead, beg and implore you to take him back? To ask you to take him back on bended knee? To negotiate a reconciliation and a promise to do whatever it takes to prove to you that he can make it work, this time? If none of the above, then trust me - all he threw you were breadcrumbs.... You're not on friendly terms. He's on: "I just thought I'd show how kind and gracious I can be - aren't I marvellous - and extending the so-called 'hand of friendship' - but really, this is to make me feel better about dumping you, because if you talk to me like a friend, then I won't either feel, or look so bad." you're on: "I'm still quite heart-broken about what you've done, and maybe the fact that you're talking to me, means you still have a place in your life fo me, and who knows, maybe you'll have second thoughts and love me again! This is hard, but responding to you feeds a hole in my heart...." You do not, ever, under any circumstances, contact him. you do not give him opening, opportunity or means to ever get in touch with you. Don't even let him know whether you're still breathing or not. Delete, block and deny every means of communication: Facebook, texts, emails, phone messages, smoke signals, morse code, nothing. Read my signatures, memorise them, and keep to them. 100% THOSE - are the rules of LC. The rules of LC are really NC - unless you work together, or have kids together. in any other case - there IS NO LC. wow, well said.. i am dealing with a NC situation of 4 weeks and the ex is pissed off and questioning me as to why i am ignoring his texts and calls. NC it is for ALL situations, including this friendly message the ex sent!
Learning2Crawl Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 What these people are telling you is true. What geegirl said is right on: "It's not "friendly terms" if you have to put this much emotional angst into it. It's just HIS terms" I went through this for 3 years post breakup. Got back and it STILL was on her terms. Her terms for the reconcile was to "try" the relationship back on and see if it still fit...except I didn't realize it until it got to where work had to be done to get to the next step up. She turned and went right down the steps... AFTER getting whatever it was she needed from me at the time. You can see a link to an analogy of my story in my first ever post.
Recommended Posts