desertsessions Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 This may sound super crazy, and I know it does myself that's why I'm coming here and saying it, but I feel like the universe has a per-determined path for all of us and that getting back with my ex is on that path. This sounds extremely silly but long story short, I had chemistry with my ex that has been long shot outmatched by any other girl. I unfortunately was going thru depression at the time and didn't treat her fairly. I kick myself every darn day about it, because she truly was the girl I wanted to be with forever and I can say that without even the slightest bit of doubt. We had a rough break up, I couldn't take it so i made things worse. She asked for some stuff back, and I denied her cause i wanted nothing more to do with her. I needed to get her out of my head so to put... Almost a year past, and I felt nothing but guilt and my feelings for her were the same...It got to the point where I cared so much about this girl I had to send her an email saying sorry for being a complete jerk...I really opened up in the letter and told her It was extremely selfish of me to lie to her, she deserved better than that....and that I really wish I put in a better effort with her. She sent a message back a few days later thanking me, saying it was nice i had done that, but she had forgotten all about her stuff, and said i didn't need to do that..but thanked me regardless. I felt some solace in that, knowing I did the right thing. this is all 2 1/2 years after our break up too...so it's been sometime. After that, I felt right back to square one..that she probably still hates me, but just because she is super kind sent me that message back because it's the right thing to do. I saw right after she sent me the message back, her relationship status changed to in a relationship. This hit the heart pretty good, but not as bad as I thought it would as it's been awhile. A couple months pass, and I wake up one morning and randomly find some concealer she left at my house (behind my dresser)...from 2 years ago...it was strange how I had never see it before, but I guess not THAT strange if I never move my dresser...then about an hour later I find a ticket stub for the last concert we ever went too in one of my dressers that I had somehow missed also. The weird thing is, its not like i was cleaning my dresser or looking for any of this stuff. I thought it was super strange and almost like a sign. The weird thing is, I was heading to her town that day too (I never go to her town). Then that weekend, I see her with her new boyfriend at a festival..she sees me but it's from afar. I looked away and went on with my day. The next day at the festival, she comes up to me and says thanks for sending her stuff to her, it was nice of me with a smile on her face. I told her sorry for being an immature loser, and couldn't help to have a giant smile on my face...threw out my arms for a hug, and went on my way. It was super brief this all happened in under a minute. Since then, I can't stop thinking about her again. I had a dream about her last night, and woke up sad because it was just a dream. I dunno what's up, I feel deep inside that I needed to go through her breaking up with me, and lots of time to pass for me to work on myself and realize...she is the only girl I want. I feel like it's the universes plan or something, that all this was supposed to happen to teach me to treat her right...but I know that thought is utterly silly. My heads a mess right now, and I just truly miss my ex girlfriend I wanna send her a facebook request down the line perhaps, but I know I probably won't because I don't feel it's the right thing to do. She has a boyfriend now, and even though I wish I was that guy again...I hope her treats her right, and the main thing is that she is happy. I guess i just needed to vent...
winstonsdreams Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 You came to the right place to vent! Look man you have to understand she is happy now and she is in a relationship and you have to respect that. If it hurts to much to see her with this guy you have to go NC. I am sorry but it is how the universe works. Look man i am in the same boat, i have a post in 'Coping' check it out. I broke up with a girl, regretted it and she moved on. She has a boyfriend. I asked for her back and she said no, it hurts writing this, it really does, but she is happy right now, so i have to respect that. I have gone total NC on her, but before i did i sent her an email wishing her all the best and if she ever needed me i would be here for her. That is all i can do. Buddy if you love this girl, you need to do the same. Be honest, tell her how you feel but also acknowledge she is in a relationship and you respect that. Then you have to move on and go about your life. You can't dwell on this forever, i know easier said than done, i am right there with you man. Please understand the power of time and NC it is all we have, you have to believe me man. Any physical reminders you find of her have to be put away where you can't see them. It's in all the NC guides, you have to believe me. I want you to be happy dude, if it is meant to be, let it go.
TaraMaiden Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Don't put this on the 'Universe'... it has more than enough crap to deal with, without worrying about a love-lorn individual pining for something irretrievable. Takes two to tango, baby - and it's not written in the stars... because hard as it is to believe, that star's light died hundreds of years ago, even though you can still see it shining.... Read the second link in my signature - it's as I speak, an active thread - and well worth looking at. 1
winstonsdreams Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Woah dude you reading this? It is pretty much changing my life.. Sometimes you need to hear the harsh truth.. Whoever wrote this knows their ***t
Tiera D Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 the universe is showing the sign to move on,what u can do is be happy 4 her,and live better, im sure this is what she wanted 4 a man she once loved too TD
Author desertsessions Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 Oh don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, and I am happy that she actually came up and thanked me for sending her stuff back to her. She pretty much hated me for all the garbage I put her through. I wouldn't take it bad if I sent her stuff, and she still held a grudge against me. She didn't though, she was civil and actually came up and said hi. So I'm quite happy with that, it's nice when you make amends with people. She has a boyfriend now as I said, and I won't jeopardize her relationship in anyway. I'm ecstatic that we've finally settled all this...it only took 2.5 years. It's just...I was so incredibly happy to see her her, and talk to her. Even if we did start talking again at some point. I wouldn't ever ask her of a relationship because I feel like I had my chance, and blew it. Plus, I actually want to be a stand up guy with her, since I wasn't so much before. I feel like I could be a good friend these days ya know? I have no plans to contact her ever again, but what if sometime in the future I'm just curious. Is it really so wrong to add her back to facebook or something? I honestly don't think she'd take it the wrong way. I'm curious why you guys think that is so wrong? I've heard of many people becoming friends with their ex's after extended amounts of time.
TaraMaiden Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 Oh don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, and I am happy that she actually came up and thanked me for sending her stuff back to her. She pretty much hated me for all the garbage I put her through. I wouldn't take it bad if I sent her stuff, and she still held a grudge against me. She didn't though, she was civil and actually came up and said hi. So I'm quite happy with that, it's nice when you make amends with people. She has a boyfriend now as I said, and I won't jeopardize her relationship in anyway. I'm ecstatic that we've finally settled all this...it only took 2.5 years. It's just...I was so incredibly happy to see her her, and talk to her. Even if we did start talking again at some point. I wouldn't ever ask her of a relationship because I feel like I had my chance, and blew it. Plus, I actually want to be a stand up guy with her, since I wasn't so much before. I feel like I could be a good friend these days ya know? I have no plans to contact her ever again, but what if sometime in the future I'm just curious. Is it really so wrong to add her back to facebook or something? I honestly don't think she'd take it the wrong way. I'm curious why you guys think that is so wrong? I've heard of many people becoming friends with their ex's after extended amounts of time. The time to start talking again, and opening up the friendship door is when getting together again never even crosses your mind. I call it 'Benign indifference'. when you feel no animosity for them at all - but you greet their marriage, pregnancy and new puppy together as nothing but positive news, which actually doesn't affect your life one iota. That's when you can be friends. But you also need to respect the boundaries of the new partner. Your intentions may be completely innocent and honourable - but they may feel sufficiently threatened and insecure about your presence to be suspicious and wary and to raise objections. In her eyes, his opinions should come first. you back off, and respect his wishes.
winstonsdreams Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 TaraMaiden is completely right. Put it this way man, a month ago i called an ex girlfriend out of the blue, she destroyed me, left me for another dude. I swore i would never talk to her again, i wanted her back so bad at one point. That was 2 years ago.. I called her and it was an amazing conversation, she lives in another state, we talked about old times good and bad, and after all that i thought wow, i honestly don't care anymore, i really want the best for her. I don't want her back, we talk every few weeks and text here and there. But i didn't inititate contact until i KNEW i was over it. takes time man.
Author desertsessions Posted August 24, 2012 Author Posted August 24, 2012 I completely agree with you guys, I never planned on doing it anytime soon. I'm going on with my life, cause I know I'm not completely over her. Almost though, I feel like I'm reaching the peak. Even when I am completely over her, I'll let it sit awhile, and if one day I feel like say hey. We'll see where she stands with that, at least if she didn't care to re-open communication, it wouldn't really affect me very much. I'm in a good position now, and out of respect for her new boyfriend. I'd never initiate anything while they were together. I wouldn't have wanted her talking to her ex's when I was with her, so I can only imagine it's likewise haha.
Tiera D Posted August 24, 2012 Posted August 24, 2012 one of my ex once told me if you love someone and you cant be together set them free,heck shes texting me daily nowdays,whats meant to be will come back whats not will stay not,good job letting it go so smoothly i see you live by a code just like i do in life.Good luck TD
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