NailBiter Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 First I got laid off from my job, then my dog had to be put down, then I had to goto the dentist without benefit$, then yesterday I discovered that my ex moved to a different country. It's been 22 months since we broke up with very limited contact ever since, always started by me. I haven't so much as exchanged texts with her since Janurary 2011, and only bumped into her one time back in spring 2011. I don't know why I'm writing this. My self esteem is at an all time low and that is saying a lot after how pathetic I've been over the past 2 years. I'm depressed all the ****ing time and when I heard about my ex I started shaking and feeling angry like I haven't felt since my last episode of "ex-itis". I just want to forget about her so the depression isn't so severe. I thought I would have completely moved on by now yet I always find myself thinking about her. Nothing I've tried works. A couple months ago I even gave up working out because drinking and smoking weed was more effective in making me feel better. I don't know if I need a kick in the ass or a hug. Probably both. Neither one I'm optimistic about getting anytime soon. I hate sounding like such a weakling. How the **** do I cope with all this **** right now? I want some way out. I don't see any.
hinatticus Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 How long did you date her? First love? My first love honestly took 3 years to finally get over. I drank soooooo much! I think I was drunk for like 27 days straight!! Anyway, that was when I was young and dumb. 1
MyHeartTakesOver Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 A couple months ago I even gave up working out because drinking and smoking weed was more effective in making me feel better At least 50% of your problems are found right here. You've traded a good pattern of coping with two bad patterns. Consider this the "ass kicking"; Get off these substances yesterday. Get your physical body to maximum health. If it's a struggle that's fine. Anything worth having is a struggle and you're going to do this because it's the only choice you have. The alternative is to spiral deeper into depression and, eventually, death. Don't be in a hurry to die. You can die anytime. Have a bit of fun before the unavoidable. Look into SSRI's they might help. You can fight this off yourself though. Start by being kind to yourself. Treat yourself to something like a long weekend alone with all your favourite films and food. Indulge yourself. Take it slowly and take it easy. Things take time, sometimes a long time. The only person who's expecting miracles from you is you. 2
Author NailBiter Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 How long did you date her? First love? My first love honestly took 3 years to finally get over. I drank soooooo much! I think I was drunk for like 27 days straight!! Anyway, that was when I was young and dumb. 3 years, first love. Man I really don't want to feel like this for another year... -_- At least 50% of your problems are found right here. You've traded a good pattern of coping with two bad patterns. Consider this the "ass kicking"; Get off these substances yesterday. Get your physical body to maximum health. If it's a struggle that's fine. Anything worth having is a struggle and you're going to do this because it's the only choice you have. The alternative is to spiral deeper into depression and, eventually, death. Don't be in a hurry to die. You can die anytime. Have a bit of fun before the unavoidable. Look into SSRI's they might help. You can fight this off yourself though. Start by being kind to yourself. Treat yourself to something like a long weekend alone with all your favourite films and food. Indulge yourself. Take it slowly and take it easy. Things take time, sometimes a long time. The only person who's expecting miracles from you is you. thanks. I have a job interview tomorrow and I plan on going to the gym afterwards for the first time in a month. I'm hoping it actually starts to help this time. I gave up going to the gym because it stopped making me feel better. I've lost ~5 pounds of muscle since I stopped going so I have a lot of work to go to get back to where I was. I wish I could stop thinking about her all the time. I don't think wanting that after 2 years is asking for a lot. I haven't been to a dr. in 10~ years...I should probably go...I'm drunk now...I should sleep it off before I burn a hole into my arm again...
weallfalldown Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 how old are you?.... You need to try at least to ask other women out, or try OLD.... No woman is worth ruining all that time and sanity, i know how hard beakup's are, and it aint easy.....but you have to try. I'm a single dad with a daughter with loads of problems, i struggle sometimes, and feel like ****.......but all we're really doing is letting someone else, who let's face it doesn't exist anymore, ruin everything .... 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 First I got laid off from my job, then my dog had to be put down, then I had to goto the dentist without benefit$, then yesterday I discovered that my ex moved to a different country. It's been 22 months since we broke up with very limited contact ever since, always started by me. I haven't so much as exchanged texts with her since Janurary 2011, and only bumped into her one time back in spring 2011. I don't know why I'm writing this. My self esteem is at an all time low and that is saying a lot after how pathetic I've been over the past 2 years. I'm depressed all the ****ing time and when I heard about my ex I started shaking and feeling angry like I haven't felt since my last episode of "ex-itis". I just want to forget about her so the depression isn't so severe. I thought I would have completely moved on by now yet I always find myself thinking about her. Nothing I've tried works. A couple months ago I even gave up working out because drinking and smoking weed was more effective in making me feel better. I don't know if I need a kick in the ass or a hug. Probably both. Neither one I'm optimistic about getting anytime soon. I hate sounding like such a weakling. How the **** do I cope with all this **** right now? I want some way out. I don't see any. Finding out your ex has moved is just a setback/roadblock. Made of you think of the past. But it's been 22 months. Find a way to accept that and move on. Kick the weed and take up working out===the endorphins will make you feel great and you will feel much better over time. and stop laying around feeling sorry for yourself...she's not. 1
SadPanda22 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time, and I am especially sorry to hear about your dog. Life is really putting you through the ringer right now....I know the feeling. Please stop using drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism. I've been there and done that, and while it may provide temporary relief, it makes things a million times worse in the long run. Start going back to the gym, and consider seeing a therapist and possibly getting on some medication. It sounds like you are suffering from depression, and the stuff with your ex is a painful side note that is just making your depression worse. 2
Author NailBiter Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 (edited) how old are you?.... You need to try at least to ask other women out, or try OLD.... No woman is worth ruining all that time and sanity, i know how hard beakup's are, and it aint easy.....but you have to try. I'm a single dad with a daughter with loads of problems, i struggle sometimes, and feel like ****.......but all we're really doing is letting someone else, who let's face it doesn't exist anymore, ruin everything .... i'm 24 i know it's pathetic that i don't ask other chicks out. main reasons are that i very rarely find a single girl that i'm interested in, and the few times i do find one my anxiety and low self esteem comes around to bite me in the ass. i'm not the type of guy to ask a girl out just because i need to get over my ex. i have to be genuinely interested or it's not worth the effort. i'm very raw when it comes to social interaction, not only with girls but everyone in general. part of my personality is that i don't play games. i purposely shun the games i need to play to get back into the dating world. i've always been this way. it was only luck that i met my ex at the right time and right place. it doesn't help that my job situation is far from a stable and i still live at home. yea, mostly excuses, i know. Finding out your ex has moved is just a setback/roadblock. Made of you think of the past. But it's been 22 months. Find a way to accept that and move on. Kick the weed and take up working out===the endorphins will make you feel great and you will feel much better over time. and stop laying around feeling sorry for yourself...she's not. yea i know it's just a roadblock that i'l eventually get around. i have had a LOT more flashbacks of my ex over the past couple weeks than i have over the pats few months. it's almost like breakup v 2.0. i won't be kicking the weed. i quit cold turkey for a year after my b/u and decided to smoke it again because i'm a happier person in general on it. the drinking is the problem that is hitting me hard. i really need to cut that back to 2-3 times a week. right now it's almost everyday and it really makes the "mornings"(afternoons) a lot harder than they should be. i also need to get back into my work out routine. i need to gain back that 5-10 pounds of muscle i lost ever since i got food poisoning back in december. it isn't a cure all but it helps. as for her having moved on already...you don't have to tell me that. she told me to move on a long time ago. the thing is i HAVE moved on, i just haven't gotten over her. i gave up hope of ever getting back together with her a long time ago. it doesn't stop me from thinking about her. nor constantly feeling like i lost someone i loved deeply. i beat myself up about not being able to get over her all the time. if there was a switch i could press to stop caring about her i would press it. I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time, and I am especially sorry to hear about your dog. Life is really putting you through the ringer right now....I know the feeling. Please stop using drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism. I've been there and done that, and while it may provide temporary relief, it makes things a million times worse in the long run. Start going back to the gym, and consider seeing a therapist and possibly getting on some medication. It sounds like you are suffering from depression, and the stuff with your ex is a painful side note that is just making your depression worse. thanks. as for the dog, my mom is getting a new king german shepherd pure bred that i'm going to get to hopefully meet tomorrow. i'm so ****ing excited! she's going to be a ****ing beauty! i'm making a decision to cut down on the drinking. it's kind of funny to make that decision while drunk. but seriously, i'm going to turn down all the drink i'm offered at a party tomorrow and not get drunk at all by myself for a week. i'll still drink a couple nights at social events because why the **** not? i'm going to goto the gym and have a couple solid healthy meals before smoking at night. no more wake and bake! ...small steps... yea i've been majorly depressed for a long time. mostly about the ex over the past 2 years. when we were happy together she was always the one thing that could make me happy ever since we broke up it's been a lot harder. before her there were other things. pools of sorrow with the rare waves of joy, ya kno? that's just life to me. i could get into a lot more detail but i must sleep. thanks everyone. Edited September 1, 2012 by NailBiter
Arcanum Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I can relate to this, I really can. A year and a half ago I got dumped. I got dumped overnight by the man I had lived with for 3 years with no reason or warning the day after my partner told me he would never leave me all of a sudden because he knew it would destroy me. He left on my daughters birthday. The day after the school called me in to tell me they think my daughter is autistic and I should start getting her into tests with doctors. 8 weeks later I lost a parent. I was broken. Part of me still is. My life felt like it couldn't get worse. I couldn't be more lonely. All I wanted was a hug, someone to help. And I have friends and my daughter but it's not the same as a partner. It's not the same as someone holding you and saying "it's going to be ok, I'm here." I didn't think I would get over him but the dispicable way he hurt me made it easier. I still hurt when I think of him but I met someone else. Someone that blew him out of the water. Sadly that man has just dumped me too and so now I am heartbroken again. I'm at the point where I think life is just playing cruel games with me. That I'm forever going to hurt and be alone... BUT You have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm like you. I do not play games. I hate them. I live my life being honest and emotionally expressive and accessible. Anyone that plays games immediately gets shunned in my book as I feel it detracts from real connection. But what you have to remember is that people play these games to protect themselves. To protect themselves from the hurt that we are now feeling. And honestly you can see why they do it right!? Because this is the worst feeling in the world! But remember what you had? True connection? An ability to truly love? That's worth it. That is worth taking the pain for. To one day be laying next to somoene that loves you and wants you for who you are. In that essence you have to make yourself something you are proud of. Right now you are in that phase of "no one else gives a f*ck so why should I?" almost like you wish someone would come save you. I know how it feels. You have to treat yourself how you would treat another. By all means be sad, have days where you cry all day in bed but then force yourself to get out. I go out with friends or have them round as much as possible. I talk about my worries even if there is nothing coming back to help. I blog to release that pent up emotion. I try and eat even when I don't want to. I do what I can to be a good mother. When someone finds me, they are going to find someone that has been hurt, that is still hurting, but that is worthy of love and fighting for. This is a set back, your emotions and thoughts are going to be all over the place. You hurt. Do something good even if you hurt and believe it'll get easier. One day you will be in someone else's arms, someone that loves you very much and you'll see how much better it is. Keep strong.
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