odd one Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Ok guys, ill give a bit of history on this one... So partner and I would have been together for 5 years today, she left me last week. We have been incredibly close couple during our relationship, my father died 2 years ago after a long illness and shortly afterwards my mother was diagnosed with cancer and she passed in March this year. My partner was always there for me during these time and her commitment to our relationship never faded. Last November we had our first "real" fight, she told me that she felt that I was not committed enough to the relationship and wanted to be engaged, as she felt that we loved each other enough. At the time I was busy with my mothers illness and hadn't thought through the relationship. I re-evaluated everything and decided it was a wake-up call and was something which I wanted to do. So I proposed on New Years, which she accepted and was in all honesty happy. Shortly afterwards her mother (with whom she is extremely close) left the area to start a new relationship with a guy, and it had a devastating impact as her mum was somebody who she could talk to, especially as I was going through severe depression and she didn't want to burden me with her "silly problems". Jump forward to the past couple of months, she was now working at a law firm whilst studying law. She failed an assignment and started to slip into a depression, which she has a history of having. I tried to help her and seeked counselling services for her, which she attended once. She informed me that due to the assignment failure she was ineligible to continue her course, and needed to appeal and pass her other exam to continue the course. I could tell that she was not feeling herself and tried to give her room to breathe. She then resumed contact with an old friend and within the space of days they were "best friends" again. My partner started drinking alcohol excessively on an almost daily basis with the best friend, and stopped communicating with me. So I decided that we needed a discussion and an issue was bought up that I had I guess assumed that was not an issue: That I am smart and should study, and stop working in retail environments. Due to the issues I've faced in the past 7 years I found it difficult to study, but explained to her that I was in fact choosing courses to commence next year, and I couldn't gain a great career or "status" in the short term. It was the day after this I was made redundant from my current position, which I finish up in one week. So all was good for a few weeks and we spent alot of quality time together, before the "best friend" broke up with her boyfriend. Again the drinking started, and the time that they were spending together lengthened. After I had dropped of her best friend about a week ago, my partner tells me that she doesn't love me anymore and was leaving me that night. From what I have been told since, she spent time talking to her friends and family about our relationship and wanted advice on how to proceed with our relationship... alot of people remained non committed to telling her what to do and her sisters flat out advised her not to do anything in her current state but at least try and work it out first, although her "best friend" has been giving her advice and organised for my partner to live with her and her parents, and they have been looking for apartments together and applying for them!!! So all of a sudden she comes home, collects all her clothes, takes the car and leaves everything else behind, only saying she wants to divide what we have and move on. She even left her cat behind!!! Safe to say the whole thing was completely out of character. She is telling people lies that we have been fighting for the past year non-stop, that she has tried to talk to me about our relationship and a ton of other things. My main issue is that she is blaming the deterioration of our relationship for her depression, when in actual fact I know that it is due to failing one of her subjects (she takes education very seriously). She will not speak to me face-to-face or over the phone anymore although when we do speak she comes across as completely fake and refuses to answer any questions about working it out or what she is doing, only saying that she cannot deal with our breakup now because she needs to study for her exams so f**k off and stop talking to her! I am at a serious loss as to what to do and how to proceed. Her refusal to communicate with me when I thought everything was going well in our relationship is extremely upsetting. My theory is that in her current state of depression and being so low has made her want to run away and shield herself from any emotional work, and that she was influenced by her best friend into leaving me in very subtle ways. I really want her back and I want to work it out, and am unsure as to how to proceed in the short or long term. I have stopped trying to contact her although it is extremely hard to do, and am focusing on applying for jobs and looking after myself for the time being. Any thoughts as to what I can do, or what may happen would be great as I'm pretty lost atm. thanks
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