rosej928 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 i just kicked my boyfriend out. we've been together for about a year. its been rocky for most of the relationship. i know i haven't been perfect, but basically i was tired of the drama. i tried to address things with him but just feel like he's too focused on being right or on proving a point or yelling instead of talking calmly and discussing and resolving a situation. i've threatened to kick him out several times, but i always end up worn out and let him stay. so, i realize i have no credibility with him. he doesn't take me seriously. he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. but then yells at me or tells me he doesn't love me anymore and isn't trying to work things out. he is six years younger than me, so i think a lot of it might just be immaturity. he's very defensive usually. he likes to blame me for his problems instead of just owning up to his own mistake. when i try to talk, he just points out my mistakes instead of focusing on the issue at hand. he has said he feels like i dont listen to him. i told him i understand why he feels that way because its hard for me to listen to his real issue when he's screaming at me and insulting me. i left my house while he packed up his stuff. he called me three times to ask random questions. during the third call he asked why i was sounding different and told me to watch my tone. i had hardly said anything except, "okay" and "that's fine", so i hung up on him. he continued to call me about 40 more times over the next hour. i didn't answer. now im sitting here alone back at my house, and he's gone. and i feel like an ******* for asking him to move out. in my head, its justified - there have been a few major dealbreakers, but mostly i'm just tired of his fit-throwing. when i sit there silently as to not engage him, he just continues to attack me verbally. my last relationship was physically abusive, so i tried to let him know that his yelling and getting in my face is a major trigger for me. he says he understands and respects me. but then does it again. i think my doubts arise because he can be sweet and loving. but that's not enough for me. i want someone i trust and don't feel threatened by. i get panicky in the car because if starts attacking me verbally, i tell him i'm done talking and am going to listen to the music. i'll turn it up a little louder, but a few seconds later, he turns it down and starts snapping at me again. so, i have major anxiety in the car that i can't listen to the radio because he will turn it down and yell at me. as i type this, i feel like some weak doormat. i dont think that's not me, but i feel like i've become that lately because i'm an avoider and just shut down and check out mentally so that i don't have to deal with him and face reality. he hasn't tried calling me for an hour (yes, he probably gave up from me not answering), but that hurts, and i feel like maybe i made a rash decision. in reality, i just don't think we're right for each other.
Author rosej928 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 i made the mistake of taking him back the next day. this past week has been okay. last night we got into a fight on our way back to the house - actually, it wasn't a fight. it was more him yelling at me while i just sat there and ignored him. i told him i wanted him to spend the night elsewhere. he kept yelling at me. i sat in the car. he finally got out and slammed the car door and then slammed the door into the house. he came back out to the car a few minutes later and banged on the windows telling me he needed something from the car but wouldn't tell me what. my trunk was open, and he got into the trunk and pushed the backseat down and crawled into the car. by this time, i had gotten out and went into the house. he came back into the house and packed up some of his stuff. then he asked if we could talk. i told him no, he needs to leave. he called me several times last night, but i never answered. he sent a text last night saying, "im sorry for being a jackass". but that's it. he just asked me if we can do lunch today. i said no. he asked if we could have time to talk. i said im not ready to talk to him. i don't know what to do. part of me feels scared of him.
Crila16 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 No. This relationship is sounding a little unhealthy. It's been only a year and it's slowly starting to become toxic. Anything that makes you feel bad, sad, angry or frustrated...is not the sign of a good thing. You were not rash to end it. Actually, I think a lot of people only stay in bad relationships for fear of being alone. Thank God I'm not one of those people, otherwise I'd be so depressed right now with my last boyfriend. I think it's wise to let it go now instead of waiting for the months and years to pass. Mourn, move on and get yourself ready for a healthier relationship. This current one isnt' sounding too promising.
Author rosej928 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 i think part of why i have stayed so long is out of fear of being alone. but i just can't do it anymore. things aren't getting better - they're just getting worse. and its not like he seems remorseful or is genuinely trying to make amends. even if he was, i'm not sure it'd be enough at this point. i need to let it go and focus on taking care of myself.
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