Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 I can relate to how you feel. I wish these things were easier. Am just having a down day... I'll snap out of it soon enough... Need to step away from LS for a bit... taking the dog out for a walk now. It is a beautiful day here... going to enjoy one of those more harmless 'live in the moment' experiences 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 However, if you know he's a decent guy, then don't put up too many barriers. A man can't stay in chasing mode forever, because chasing a woman for too long will eventually drain him. There should come a point where you have enough evidence to let him get closer. Oh no...the chase is always on..or it should be for an entire relationship. But it also has an ebb and flow to it. It's when people stop chasing each other, (not just the man), that relationships crash and burn.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Am just having a down day... I'll snap out of it soon enough... Need to step away from LS for a bit... taking the dog out for a walk now. It is a beautiful day here... going to enjoy one of those more harmless 'live in the moment' experiences Good idea on the walk! You might want to stay away from the bike for a while. Red, what kind of dancing do you do?
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Oh no...the chase is always on..or it should be for an entire relationship. But it also has an ebb and flow to it. It's when people stop chasing each other, (not just the man), that relationships crash and burn. I don't think we are referring to the same definition of chasing. When a man pursues a woman and starts to care, then that will put an enormous emotional and mental pressure on him. A woman shouldn't let a man pursue her for a relationship indefinitely, because it will drain him eventually. At some point a man needs to get into calmer waters in order to recharge or he will collapse from the pressure. I think that when a man gets into "chase mode" a lot of biological mechanisms get triggered in him. It's not something to toy around with. A man can get completely burnt out from pursuing a woman. Those biological mechanisms create enormous emotional and mental pressures. Once a man gets into chasing mode and starts to care he becomes vulnerable. As a woman you shouldn't keep a man in that state forever, that would be cruel. Edited August 26, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I don't think we are referring to the same definition of chasing. When a man pursues a woman and starts to care, then that will put an enormous emotional and mental pressure on him. A woman shouldn't let a man pursue her for a relationship indefinitely, because it will drain him eventually. At some point a man needs to get into calmer waters in order to recharge or he will collapse from the pressure. I think that when a man gets into "chase mode" a lot of biological mechanisms get triggered in him. It's not something to toy around with. A man can get completely burnt out from pursuing a woman. Those biological mechanisms create enormous emotional and mental pressures. Once a man gets into chasing mode and starts to care he becomes vulnerable. As a woman you shouldn't keep a man in that state forever, that would be cruel. Ahh..okay, that makes sense! I do think we were talking about different kinds of chasing but I understand what you are saying. Useful information.
Lonely Ronin Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I 100% agree with Lion. The feeling that every little thing I do is being tracked, judged and recorded is unacceptable as far as I'm concerned. I've had several relationships that never got off the ground, because I picked up on this mentality and said no thank you, next in line.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 I 100% agree with Lion. The feeling that every little thing I do is being tracked, judged and recorded is unacceptable as far as I'm concerned. I've had several relationships that never got off the ground, because I picked up on this mentality and said no thank you, next in line. Yea, and if the guy is pulling the same moves as every other guy and expecting the woman to somehow figure it out... I'm not going to judge, track, or record anything. I'm just going to respectfully walk away myself. IMHO, too many men have become lazy. They push, cajole, subtly infer blah blah because they are paranoid about the 'friendzone' (which has basically become any date past the 4th where they aren't getting sex). So... good. Walk away. Saves me the trouble of having to deal with the groping BS, manipulation, and boring dates that center around when and how the guy is gonna get some. Yes, spare me.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) I don't think we are referring to the same definition of chasing. When a man pursues a woman and starts to care, then that will put an enormous emotional and mental pressure on him. A woman shouldn't let a man pursue her for a relationship indefinitely, because it will drain him eventually. At some point a man needs to get into calmer waters in order to recharge or he will collapse from the pressure. I think that when a man gets into "chase mode" a lot of biological mechanisms get triggered in him. It's not something to toy around with. A man can get completely burnt out from pursuing a woman. Those biological mechanisms create enormous emotional and mental pressures. Once a man gets into chasing mode and starts to care he becomes vulnerable. As a woman you shouldn't keep a man in that state forever, that would be cruel. Ok... consider how much emotional and mental pressure is on the woman to decide if the guy is decent by a certain f-ing 'deadline'... I don't toy around with anything. These days... if the guy is pushing within the first few dates regardless of his stated intentions, he's immediately gone. I really don't have the energy to put up with it... along with all the other assorted cr*p I'm supposed to deal with these days.... STD's, multi-dating. Blech. Edited August 26, 2012 by RedRobin
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Good idea on the walk! You might want to stay away from the bike for a while. Red, what kind of dancing do you do? Ballet ... and the walk was nice... but didn't change my mood much. Strapping on the running shoes now and going for broke... Really need to get this junk out of my system.... a good long run and stretch should do it... Edited August 26, 2012 by RedRobin
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Ok... consider how much emotional and mental pressure is on the woman to decide if the guy is decent by a certain f-ing 'deadline'... I don't toy around with anything. These days... if the guy is pushing within the first few dates regardless of his stated intentions, he's immediately gone. I really don't have the energy to put up with it... along with all the other assorted cr*p I'm supposed to deal with these days.... STD's, multi-dating. Blech. Does that mean you are considering the possibility to stay alone for the rest of your life? Because within the social circle among friends and family, where you've known the guy for a really long time and have observed his behavior in a group, is a really small pond to fish in. Unless of course you have lots of friends and a big family.
Lonely Ronin Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Yea, and if the guy is pulling the same moves as every other guy and expecting the woman to somehow figure it out... I'm not going to judge, track, or record anything. I'm just going to respectfully walk away myself. IMHO, too many men have become lazy. They push, cajole, subtly infer blah blah because they are paranoid about the 'friendzone' (which has basically become any date past the 4th where they aren't getting sex). So... good. Walk away. Saves me the trouble of having to deal with the groping BS, manipulation, and boring dates that center around when and how the guy is gonna get some. Yes, spare me. Do you have sex on the brain, or have you been spending to much time on LS? I wasn't talking about sex, and I'm pretty sure Lion wasn't either.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Does that mean you are considering the possibility to stay alone for the rest of your life? I'm not 'alone'. I have friends and family. If you mean without romantic love... yes. I've suffered more psychic 'damage' the past few years from 'dating' than I EVER did from my marriage OR divorce. All this 'player', multi-dating, OLD crap. It's nothing but garbage. 2
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Do you have sex on the brain, or have you been spending to much time on LS? I wasn't talking about sex, and I'm pretty sure Lion wasn't either. Whatever. Mr. "Invite her over to your house on the 3rd date and pretend it doesn't imply anything" :rolleyes:
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 If you mean without romantic love... yes. I've suffered more psychic 'damage' the past few years from 'dating' than I EVER did from my marriage OR divorce. All this 'player', multi-dating, OLD crap. It's nothing but garbage. I'm sorry to hear that. I know what you mean though.
Titanwolf Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I'm not 'alone'. I have friends and family. If you mean without romantic love... yes. I've suffered more psychic 'damage' the past few years from 'dating' than I EVER did from my marriage OR divorce. All this 'player', multi-dating, OLD crap. It's nothing but garbage. Much respect for this. Good friends and good family, trumps modern dating in every aspect. 1
Anela Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 I'm not 'alone'. I have friends and family. If you mean without romantic love... yes. I've suffered more psychic 'damage' the past few years from 'dating' than I EVER did from my marriage OR divorce. All this 'player', multi-dating, OLD crap. It's nothing but garbage. I was better off when I was focused on everything but dating, or falling in love. Of course, I was younger, and felt like I had a lot of time left for that, but I'd seen how much trouble it could be, via the relationships around me. I envy the people who just find the good ones that fit with them and their personality. I know some who seem to be a perfect match. 2
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 I was better off when I was focused on everything but dating, or falling in love. Of course, I was younger, and felt like I had a lot of time left for that, but I'd seen how much trouble it could be, via the relationships around me. I envy the people who just find the good ones that fit with them and their personality. I know some who seem to be a perfect match. What really hurts is when I see that so many of my friends and family married relatively young and built lives together... There are alot of times I really feel like a freak amongst my own family. They are incredibly supportive and caring... but they can't really fix things for me, you know? They agree with me about the 'dating' world and how screwed up it is. They are always there for me... no matter what. I know I'm loved. That's the most important thing... I may not have a man in my life... but I'm not 'alone'. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Whatever. Mr. "Invite her over to your house on the 3rd date and pretend it doesn't imply anything" :rolleyes: Well it doesn't, But your statement is a perfect example of the tracking judging stuff I won't tolerate. And just to set the record strait if I haven't done that already in some previous thread... The woman I had over on the 3rd date, was because we had a cooking date. We cooked dinner together, that was it. Maybe if you cat get over your psychic 'damage' you would realize not every guy is going to try and f you as soon as possible. Edited August 26, 2012 by Lonely Ronin
Heart Of A Lion Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 What really hurts is when I see that so many of my friends and family married relatively young and built lives together... There are alot of times I really feel like a freak amongst my own family. They are incredibly supportive and caring... but they can't really fix things for me, you know? They agree with me about the 'dating' world and how screwed up it is. They are always there for me... no matter what. I know I'm loved. That's the most important thing... I may not have a man in my life... but I'm not 'alone'. So from reading your posts you're looking for a man that: 1. Doesn't push for sex too early 2. Doesn't multi-date 3. Is not a player 4. Is honest 5. Is loyal 6. Can be trusted 7. Is interested in you beyond sex 8. Sees you as a human being 9. Doesn't trash talk to you with a sexual undertone You're not asking for something outlandish here. It should be possible to find a man like that, especially for a ballerina that rides fast motorcycles. Such men do exist RR.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Well it doesn't, But your statement is a perfect example of the tracking judging stuff I won't tolerate. That's great. You want to be lazy with your date ideas and you expect the woman to figure it out for you... and just 'trust' you have good intentions when you are a near stranger. Got it. And just to set the record strait if I haven't done that already in some previous thread... The woman I had over on the 3rd date, was because we had a cooking date. We cooked dinner together, that was it. Yes you did set the record straight before. When the ladies start disappearing on you when they grow out of their naive phase, maybe now you'll know why. They don't want your 3rd date 'test'. Maybe if you cat over your psychic 'damage' you'd realize not every guy is going to try and f you as soon as possible. Well, if they actually stopped trying to f me as soon as possible, I'd believe you. If I weren't the one always being obliged to put on the breaks... and the guy didn't try to put on the moves... then yea... So, quit pitching your BS. You are probably the ONLY guy on LS who thinks 'cooking at your house' doesn't imply sex. Just so you know... Edited August 26, 2012 by RedRobin
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 So from reading your posts you're looking for a man that: 1. Doesn't push for sex too early 2. Doesn't multi-date 3. Is not a player 4. Is honest 5. Is loyal 6. Can be trusted 7. Is interested in you beyond sex 8. Sees you as a human being 9. Doesn't trash talk to you with a sexual undertone You're not asking for something outlandish here. It should be possible to find a man like that, especially for a ballerina that rides fast motorcycles. Such men do exist RR. I know, right?! Doesn't seem like a crazy list to me either. ... but dating conditions/styles are what they are...
xxoo Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 So, quit pitching your BS. You are probably the ONLY guy on LS who thinks 'cooking at your house' doesn't imply sex. Just so you know... No way he's the only guy. I know men who will do "cook a meal" dates in the getting to know you stage without wanting early sex. Why not ask these guys how you can tell the difference between them and a guy pushing for sex, instead of insulting their dating ideas?
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) No way he's the only guy. I know men who will do "cook a meal" dates in the getting to know you stage without wanting early sex. Why not ask these guys how you can tell the difference between them and a guy pushing for sex, instead of insulting their dating ideas? How about they find something else to do on the early dates besides create a situation where the woman might feel pressured to have sex? Especially knowing all about the 3rd-4th date 'rule' so many guys have. It's not that difficult. They could also wait for her to suggest it... Also, not difficult... especially if their goal is for her to feel secure. The guys could say something like... "I'd really like to cook for you sometime"... and then see if she steps up and suggests coming over to his place or hers. If not, then don't suggest it as a date idea. It's that simple. Edited August 26, 2012 by RedRobin
Lonely Ronin Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 That's great. You want to be lazy with your date ideas and you expect the woman to figure it out for you... and just 'trust' you have good intentions when you are a near stranger. No, I didn't say that. I wouldn't have asked If I didn't think she would be Ok with it. Secondly, she brought up cooking something together sometime on our second date. Finally if she wasn't Ok with it, I would have expected her to say so, and I would have proposed something different. You are probably the ONLY guy on LS who thinks 'cooking at your house' doesn't imply sex. Well, if you're a foodie and your date is a foodie or in the case of this woman a professional chef, it doesn't.
Author RedRobin Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 No, I didn't say that. I wouldn't have asked If I didn't think she would be Ok with it. Secondly, she brought up cooking something together sometime on our second date. Finally if she wasn't Ok with it, I would have expected her to say so, and I would have proposed something different. Well, if you're a foodie and your date is a foodie or in the case of this woman a professional chef, it doesn't. ah well... see? She suggested it. Big difference. ... and you left out the part about being a professional chef... You need to know though... Every single sh*thead I've ever gone on a date with and pushed the sex ALWAYS... without exception... tried to get a 'date' at my house or his very early. EVERY SINGLE ONE. It's not like I didn't accept a few of these 'dates', ya know... I WAS the naive one assuming they didn't necessarily have other intentions... When they ALWAYS have other intentions... then yea, I'd be stupid to keep going along with it.
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